Well, I can definitely say that I have moved on distinctively from Lyssa, even though we spent the day together. Friendship is coming back into my life once again and these pieces of confusion that are floating around in the air are starting to settle into answers. Money is another objective, so easy to obtain but so far to reach goals. Just thinking about that topic today and how saving money would be an issue it seems like a long time to say that I will work for over a year just to save $5000. What is $5000, a car, lots of clothes, splurging. Whatever this money amounts to it will take a long time to save and that is the detriment of time, to wait is a bitch. So if reality comes within a day job I will study and make my own like I planned in the first place. To do word processing jobs from home will be my second employment and I will be paid well.
What past thoughts art present memories
Philosophy hath but for now been spoke,
Cleanses mine body, purifies my soul,
For truth of reason shalt bring forth thy quote,
Adorns thought, nourishes mine mind’s quarrel,
Soliloquy, speak I of thee, future,
Com’st not of knowing but of wonderment,
That such unknowns art sprung from mine ardor,
‘The Days of Reckoning’ doth now need spent,
To exceed memories of such as past,
Thy triangle, ‘The Lost Years’ attend thee,
And thy ‘Recognition’ needst be surpassed,
Forth for mine fated thoughts to kneel my knee,
Such to kneel, when all in air shalt fall nigh,
And thou wilt know, peace com’st when past shalt die,
May I ask where the fuck that came from. Sitting here writing my little philosophy at the start, this blank verse just came to me from nowhere. Well, that’s usually what happens when thought plays a part in my endeavors. Half of the reason I was inspired to write this is because I wrote two lines of poetry as I was coming out of the shower last night. I’m not sure if I wrote about it but I don’t think I did and here is the end result. When I jump out of the shower these days I usually have some thoughts conjured in my head that I have to write down and they are usually good. These thoughts usually occur to me when my brain needs not concentrate, like when I’m walking, having a shower or listening to music. Last night it came in the form of a shower and just now, I topped it off because I wasn’t really thinking, just writing and before I knew it there you had a whole lot of Blank Verse.
Basically, the poem starts to speak of the philosophy that I was just reciting in my last paragraph and it carried on about moving on from there. To speak philosophy to myself via my computer is to cleanse my mind and purify for the thought that I have unleashed all that I have to say. The truth in my reality shall bring forth the words in my Diary as I only speak the truth. That beautifies my thought and nourishes the fight of my mind against my words. There is always a contradiction every day with what I do and what I write. One day I will hate Lyssa (As an example), the next I will be going places with her, quarreling with my mind and feeding upon those thoughts.
Speaking to myself as in a Soliloquy, I speak of the future in the last paragraph before the poem. And I speak not of knowing what my future will be but just of wondering what it would be like. This wondering and not knowing of the future makes me eager to write about such. The third verse speaks of ‘The Days of Reckoning’ and how they now need to be spent, they need to be brought forth. The days of reckoning will take away memories of the past, of the triangle, where the lost years took place and so much time within. Also ‘The Recognition’ which is still happening now needs to be forgotten and surpassed as it is dragging on. These thoughts of the past need be forgotten so that thoughts of the future can be respected, in essence, for me to kneel my knee to future thoughts and make them reality. The last two lines say that I shall kneel to the future when everything that is up in the air falls close to hand. When all has fallen and confusion is understood, you will know that peace comes with the death of the past.
There you have it, and now that I have also explained my Blank Verse as I always do let me start with late Monday night. As the night progressed and became evidently darker I received a call from Keith. Being with Simon, Keith wanted to know if they could come over later in the night and needing a bit of company I asked them over. Around 9:00 p.m. was the time they arrived at my house and after five minutes of conversation Keith came up with the suggestion of sneaking into the movies. That struck me as a good idea but it took a little persuasion to have Simon seeing it in the same light as us. Jumping into Simon’s car we headed for Greater Union in Macarthur Square and parking the car made our plans.
The plan to sneak into the movies was to walk into the toilets, scope out what movie we wanted to watch and then walk straight in as there are no ticket collectors late at night. Deciding we wanted to watch ‘Armageddon’ we used the toilets and heading out together made our way up the aisle to our seats near the back. There wasn’t much people in the movies and considering that the school holidays are supposed to be on right now, for the past week and a bit. That begs me to say that I hope we don’t miss out on the beach this weekend before all the school girls go back to school.
Armageddon was a pretty shit movie if you ask me. Not only that but what made it worse was the seats we were sitting on, very uncomfortable. Maybe it was just the thought of someone sitting behind me that made me more uncomfortable but I couldn’t sit still for a second and kept slipping down. Apart from being a lame movie, the script was pretty shit and they didn’t give enough time for emotions to play a part. They didn’t make much sense as the movie progressed and people would say “Well you have to think about the movie” but I do think and I think it was put together stupid. The movie was alright but a gas and as the credits came rolling up I was glad to be out of there. From the movies I was dropped off home as the time was around midnight. For the next hour I think I mucked around on my computer and viewed some television but I started to get tired and went to sleep at 1:30 a.m.
Today I found out that Lyssa also went to the movies last night with Kieran and Lorcan who is one of Pedro’s close but young friends. Lyssa doesn’t speak to Pedro anymore and Lorcan’s name I hear a fair bit so it was evident that Lyssa would meet up with Pedro one day. Knowing that Pedro worked at the surf shop in Macarthur Square I also found out that Joel (A Model for FHM and other magazines) also worked there. Lyssa boasted how she got onto his brother but he was nothing special.
This morning Lyssa gave me a call at 9:00 a.m. and waking up I was wondering who would be calling so early in the morning. Having no clue I was surprised to find it was Lyssa and she was asking if I would escort her to Parramatta for the day. Informing Lyssa that I had to work out later in the day Lyssa pleaded some more but I didn’t buckle. Trying to persuade me for a couple of minutes I told Lyssa to ring one of her other friends and then she quit her asking me and hung up nicely. Sleep I tried for the next couple of minutes, that is until the phone rang again. Knowing that it would be Lyssa once again she kept trying to persuade me over the phone. Asking if Lyssa had asked anyone else to go for the day Lyssa told me she didn’t try anyone because they wouldn’t go. Lyssa wanted me to go with her for some reason and I was just thinking that Lyssa was thinking of getting onto me or something. As that thought played in my mind for a couple of seconds I told Lyssa I would help her out for the day, not because of my minute thoughts but because I didn’t mind. To be honest, I was hoping (Being the Key Word) that Lyssa would want to do something but as far as knowing it will happen, nope. Walking out of my house for that day I had a clean mind not even thinking that Lyssa and I could get up to something later in the night, not getting my hopes up and it worked fine.
Diary Of A Mad Chaos is a daily diary written from March 1996 until today, of which individual books and book series have been created, namely “The Lost Years” an exploration of young, entwined love, the “Wubao In China (猎艳奇缘)” book series which provides an extensive comparative analysis of the cultural differences between Eastern and Western societies, and the book titled “Foreigner (华人)” an exploration of race relations in Australia.
