Wandering The Pokies And Hitting The Gym (Part 3)

Second Thoughts About Lyssa

Just a more recent thought after a break talking to Shawn on the phone and some more qualms to a certain good night. Thinking upon Lyssa again in these, my more vulnerable hours, I’ve come to an ornate conclusion that Lyssa is presumably too uptight. Coupled with my insecurities at this very moment and the fact that Lyssa is still hot in my mind, I came to an intriguing culmination.

Putting aside my inability to converting those things I dislike about Lyssa (Like smoking) and bi-passing her at-times unbearable attitude, I favor the idea of casually getting onto Lyssa whilst still being the main man in her life. Right now, it’s a waste that Lyssa and I aren’t receiving any attention and on my behalf, it’s sad that I haven’t had any.

On that note, it would probably be sadder for me to revert back to these thoughts about Lyssa but as long as we can get onto other people, I would actually feel more comfortable with Lyssa than this envy without existence. Lyssa and I might be incompatible on many fronts and as I am stubborn, she is bitchy, I see a small corridor for us to work though through our differences.

There came a time near the end of our relationship where Lyssa and I were almost to that point but tragically, it was lost by her choleric temper and my arrogance. I’m not naïve and this might seem like my last resort but really, I’ve had a whole year to be desperate if I wanted to. Rather, these thoughts come to me in a new light and from a phase that began at the start of this month and died in the ass.

I thought the middle of this month was granting me such exalted memories that it felt like the start of a new vibrant month. However, this is the bite in the ass that usually comes at the end of every dominant month of tides, I’m just riding one in. So with these new thoughts of being able to stand Penelope and this new conception of having a good time with Lyssa whilst having a good time elsewhere, could I be seeing the shift from Keith and the rest of those dogs to a transcendent future. One that could lead me to more confusion but best as well, it will just be my shifting friends and passing onto others…

Looking For Johnnie

Back to my story now, with Tyler being a loner I decided to head off on a brisk walk looking for Binh or Ned. Leaving Tyler behind to his own devices, I headed through the TAB section, past the lounge chairs and then through to the pokies. Mainly, I was looking for Johnnie because I needed someone to sit next to and my chatting to Astor at the start of the night was a bonus but not a royalty.

He was down there with Cartman and the rest of them and as I told them to come sit with us later, it never happened because there was no us. On my journey looking around for Johnnie I headed past all the rows of pokies and coming across Lyssa who was talking to some girl in the middle intersection of all the pokies, I tapped her on the back, looked back and kept walking.

I didn’t want to be a snob and keep walking and I didn’t want to interrupt her from conversation so although my reaction was a bit stupid, it done the trick. Unable to find anyone to hang out with and feeling a touch insecure now as I had no pockets to hide my anxiety in, looming on my mind was the thought of heading home. The night was starting to take a big nosedive for my liking and as I headed back to where Tyler was standing, his disappearance assured my eagerness to head home.

Making one last probe from the quiet room up the walkway to the pokies, I was hoping to see someone that would stop me and prolong my stay and sure enough, my prayers were answered. Just as I stepped out of the quiet room area I bumped into Johnnie who was alone and told me he was looking around for me. Feeling good that someone wasn’t dogging my plans, I felt obliged to head over to his little area where he was sitting. Pointing out Travis and Phoenix, we started heading over there and by the time we had arrived the both of them were gone.

The only person left sitting was Florian who was there by himself and as we tried stealing seats from other people we sat ourselves down. The uncanny glances that I was getting from Phoenix and Travis were those of people who would soon be on the run. Sure enough, I think they got intimidated by me in relation to the anxiety I feel about making Phoenix feel bad by being unsure how to handle her. Therefore, I consider that their disappearance was resultant of my deciding to head over and sit with them but I wasn’t aware of this well into the night.

Keith Whinges About Lyssa

Feeling really lonely now and needing to go out somewhere, I just thought to give Lyssa a call for some conversation and when I couldn’t get hold of her, I thought to try Keith. With the intent to head out and watch a movie or something, Keith was at Phineas with Tamsen as per usual but in his parting words and cankerous stories, he didn’t go without noting how Lyssa was being a big bitch to Keith and Tamsen last night at the Catholic Club.

Being one of the finer points I probably would have overlooked in depiction, Keith whinged about how he was ridiculed by Lyssa, Naqi and Penelope last night as they were at the Catholic Club. Tamsen and Keith always feel insecure around them and they always seem to dob on them to me but really, what am I going to do, I don’t care. It seems that when Keith was walking past them on the way out he snuck a quick look towards them and found them to be teasing.

The three of them would be laughing and pointing and at the same time, they would be dancing real hard and like idiots, trying to imitate Keith and Tamsen. Of course they didn’t feel this too favorable a treatment so I’m not sure to believe Keith’s usual boastful and spiteful attitude in order to get even. Keith also noted that in the glimpse of looking back, he thought to see Lyssa holding Naqi’s hand and at the same time, he could have been holding Penelope’s hand.

What Imad Said About Naqi

Let me let the cat out of the bag now from my conversation with Imad. To put it lightly, on Imad’s last birthday and successively from there, Naqi has been cheating on Penelope by fucking hookers. Now I feel sorry for Penelope and Lyssa for being so blind but what makes me more furious is how Lyssa can accept him into her life so freely and make me cringe upon the facts.

Naqi has really succeeded in his venture of stealing Lyssa from right under my nose. I hear Imad and now Keith asking me “Hey, does Naqi like Lyssa or something” and it keeps repeating through these ears but Lyssa is too naïve or too flattered to realize. Just tossing some more speculation into the air, what would happen if Lyssa’s dream of me talking to Naqi again came true. Lyssa once told me that she would stop talking to Naqi and going out with him if the both of us could just be friends again.

What I want to know is will Lyssa live up to her word and stay away from Naqi if I pry them apart with my feigned friendship. I will never result to that but I just hate hearing how Naqi went out with Lyssa and how he handles her. There is no one else in Lyssa’s group of friends or lustful hopefuls that treat her as mean or abruptly and yet, Lyssa takes it from him.

What I also hate is that if I was to be half as rough with Lyssa as Naqi has been with her, her choleric temper would surely be intolerable. This is a vicious web of problems stemming years back to when Naqi and I first started being friends through Imad. What does Lyssa see in his arrogance and why does she hang around with them so much. Lyssa is out today, I bet she’s out with Naqi and Penelope again.

It just tears me up inside and makes me want to tear Naqi up when I digest this breaking news. I know Lyssa would only say “Why do you care” but I do care because Lyssa and I are still friends but I, the lower in friendship compared to everyone else she knows. Even though Lyssa held longer than a year together in a closer relationship she’s ever had with someone else, even Naqi seems to surpass me greatly when it comes to respect for each other and admiration for such a respectful other.

Lonely Saturday Afternoon

Saturday 2:54 p.m.

When all else fails, try, try the Gym. Today I got so lonely here, typing such desponding messages on my computer about the brooded life I live. Even the lost episodes of ‘Monkey Magic’ were lost on me when the saga finally came to an end and again, I was with my thoughts alone. It’s depressing when you have depressing thoughts as such to write in these memoirs and you try your best to get away from it but nothing seems to work.

I tried calling Keith but he was with Tamsen, Lyssa was already out, Tyler was at work and Shawn called me earlier in the day but hanging out with him wouldn’t necessarily make me feel better about my depressing night and these thoughts upon Lyssa. If you hadn’t heard yet which is likely, before I headed off to the Gym at 1:30 p.m. I even came to the point of loneliness where I was going to invite Lyssa over on Sunday night to sleep so I could have someone to hold through the night.

Maybe it’s just my way of dealing with a security blanket, seeing Lyssa getting chatted up and then pulling her back into my moping life long enough for me to feel comfortable again.

Before thinking of the Gym I had nothing to do and I was even contemplating one of my old loneliness journeys of just hopping on a train and seeing where it would take me. Nevertheless, a workout has done me a world of good as it has dramatically cleared my sinuses, flushed out the problematic conjunctivitis and minimizing this cough of mine. Blowing all the gunk from my nose now comes out easy and although it is as saturated as when first I started getting real sick, you can tell I’m getting over it, finally.

Speaking of my flu, since I first noted that I spat once or twice on the way home last week, I continued in seldom splutters on Thursday and Friday. The repercussions would be self-evident after spitting where I would realize it was bad but I kept it to a minimum. Due to my cold and my coughing almost twice a minute, jumping off the bus and once coming out of work for lunch, I spat once or twice just to get rid of the warm phlegm.

Luckily this little trip to the Gym where I worked out my whole body has greatly helped my sinuses and sense of well being, at least for now. And to think, I even tried calling Imad so I could bitch about Naqi at my most venomous hour, now the passion has almost waned.

Weighing In After The Gym

I must make a correction now to Keith’s sob story before I progress onto greater chronology. In relation to Keith’s mewling comedy of clubbing proportion, he mentioned that he had also seen Lyssa there. Completely contrasting to what I had seen of Lyssa for the whole night Keith explained “Yeah, I saw her dancing there on the side of the dancefloor near the doors” which chits this correction. Nevertheless, even with this factual investigation, I still believe the morals that I spoke were true, if I could remember them at this very point, I’d give myself an extra point.

Digressing slightly again, just back from my workout, I found out some information about my weight that could shock, cause optimism or create a conflict of interest. Putting on my new ‘Guess’ shoes with my Adidas pants and old black Hound Dog ribbed shirt, I headed down to give them weights my best. After cycling for a couple of minutes I weighed myself on the machine and in my dazed state from such a sickness, wasn’t fully aware of my weighing 75.5 Kilos.

Not sure how long it has been but not having been more than two months, I’ve seen myself drop a further two and a half kilos in that span of time. I’m certain that this sickness for seven days would have been a healthy contributor to my getting skinny, far exceeding my expectations of what I wanted to weigh. When I hit 79 Kilos I was ecstatic that I was back down to the weight that I first started with when training properly.

Now I am getting down to the weights and measurements of my younger years, nearly four years ago now. How great is this, my body weight is going down and I’m feeling good about myself but obviously not good enough because I don’t have a girlfriend and I’m looking for inroads to beneficial bliss.