Once Is Enough for Everyone (Part 3)

A Gloomy Dancer

Ready to gear up now, I rarely set foot off the dancefloor for the rest of the night but considering my gloomy appearance and pale complexion, I should have jumped off way before my time. For the whole night, I only let out spurts of effective dancing here and there and despite Tyler and Binh shaking my hand in appreciation that I had decided to arrive and bring some life to the party, I didn’t do such a thing.

There weren’t much highlights of my night, only low portions with slight peaks above flat-line. One of the more destroying came late in the night, when I was already down on my luck and feeling congested with sickness. For the whole night I only think I noticed Lyssa just the once in which I also noted her being with Naqi, Penelope and Nikita.

Lyssa and the Stranger

While being shifted to one side of the stage closer to the front entrance, I glanced over towards the back tables and noticed a sight I would rather have missed. Hard as it is to miss the shining luster of Lyssa’s hair, I also noticed a guy sitting next to her that I had never seen. Knowing that he probably sat next to her in order to chat her up, I watched as he smoothly leant over and talked into her ear.

For a split second, I thought that Lyssa looked directly at me on stage and then fell back for a couple of seconds not knowing what to do but Lyssa pledges that she can’t remember seeing me through the whole night and what’s more she can’t remember this guy that I tried to explain to her. Regardless, my seams of anger burst when I noticed Lyssa leaning in to chat with him, giving wholeheartedly to the conversation.

Knowing that there’s not much in this encounter to be envious about, it just broke me down and made me loose enthusiasm to dance upon seeing this. All of a sudden, Lyssa was popular and always with some guy liking her and I was dancing, alone and with myself. There was such a divergence between Lyssa and I when it came to being flirtatious and radiantly approachable and as I looked at her chatting away favorably, my heart broke into knowing pieces.

A Theory About One Timers

This reflection upon my life has led me to believe a truth about my temporal impression upon people compared to people that have found their identity. Lyssa and everyone else I know has a tendency to chat with people at clubs or anywhere else and create enough of an interest to the other person that they continue conversation. In my grave situation, I figured out that for most people, once is enough when it comes to bearing my character.

Because I have a lack of individuality and am lost in trying to find out who I am, people see this peculiarity in my soul and turn off from me when they part from our first conversation. A quick example would be to note my first contact with Kalinda. If it were anyone else approaching her on the train for the first time and sitting down for conversation, it would have seemed a smooth and friendly gesture.

However, I guess Kalinda could see some sort of crazed lunatic in the way I showcased myself and what confuses me is that I’m not too different from anyone else’s approach. Anyway, from that point on, Kalinda has been avoiding me as you would have read, trying her hardest not to scratch up further conversation with me. What is it about me that turned her off from me so harshly that once was enough for her.

Another example would be to note Aleka, who found me intriguing enough to have lunch with me but thereafter, it was broken down to conversation and a rejection or two when it came to planning lunch again. Then there is both Carys’s whom I met two weeks ago now at Chevy’s. The first time they were dancing up on me just fine but as you will soon learn, both of them avoided me last Saturday where one of them was to the point of noting to her friend that she wanted me bashed.

Maybe it was just her being on an ‘E’ talking but I ask myself, if I wasn’t doing anything wrong to her, does my standing around and dancing humbly constitute for a bashing.

The most viable and fundamental one timer has been Lyssa. To note this would cast doubt upon the very subject but yes, Lyssa is a one timer as well. Having gone out with me for a year and seeing further into my personality than anyone else, Lyssa has learnt of who I really am. However, now as Lyssa and I are broken up and since the first day of our break up, the both of us knew that we wouldn’t be getting back together.

Nowadays, Lyssa is inclined to live her own life, making me believe all the more that once was enough for her. Lyssa has had enough of what I can give in a relationship and frankly, I wouldn’t be able to accustom to the wrongs and small rewards of what a further relationship between the both of us would mean. Therefore, Lyssa is a more specific ideal of a one timer when it comes to knowing me.

This capitalization on my life’s asset leads me to ask the question “What is it about me that creates wary absence from others, demoralizing my confidence”. There are many, many more ideals and examples as to who has been a one timer in my life but sadly, I can’t remember them all and there’s not enough time to write. However, in parting, I’ll just note that the person who leaps wholly into a second abstinence from omission will certainly win my vows of perpetuity.

Naqi on the Dancefloor

Getting back into the swing of Friday night, another intensity towards animosity that bothered me was when a familiarly loathed face fronted on the stage. From Lyssa’s words, carried by Ziad and Mazin on their shoulders, Naqi was led onto the dancefloor for a bout of congested dancing. What they probably didn’t know was that I was standing two or three people behind them and as soon as I noted Naqi walking up the steps I stopped dancing completely and just eyed him deathly from my stance.

There were probably people looking at me and thinking “Shit, there’s going to be a fight” and well enough if Naqi looked around there would have been. Binh and Tyler were beside me at the time as I noted that I hated Naqi being in front of my eyes. Proving to be a strain, to my delight, he made his way back of after two minutes. Still, Naqi’s appearance dampened my night forthwith and as to did the repugnant one who danced up on my leg when I was trying to avoid her by leaning on the wall, my night was ruined of any condolence.

Cold Shoulders From Two Girls

Having already noted haphazardly, the two Carys’s had shown their avoidance of my presence for the night. Firstly seeing Trinity with the black hair, her shorter friend who was dancing behind me in a threesome seemed the only one with a big grin on her face, happy to say hello. However, as Trinity stood right next to me to dance, she looked passive when I tapped her on the shoulder and hunched my shoulders as if to say “What’s going on”.

She didn’t ratify my adulation and as she calmly turned her head forward to dance, I sensed the cold shoulder in motion. Trinity seemed to have some guy in front of her which I felt was either her boyfriend or some guy she wanted to pick up for the night. This girl’s neglect didn’t bother me as much as Carys’s did. Seeing her dancing on the floor portion, I could tell that she had probably seen me but was dancing down there in avoidance.

Finally, later in the night she made her way up on the dancefloor and started dancing right behind me. Turning around once or twice defensively, I didn’t want to approach her without her noticing me first. However, after a couple of short turns I finally done a pirouette and said hello to her. Through our conversation I could tell that she didn’t look very interested and figuring to give it one try I noted “If you want to dance with us later some time we’re just over there”.

Bash Him

Carys replied “No thanks, I’ll be fine just dancing here with my friends” an obvious rejection. Starting to dance back with my friends I was baffled when her friend tumbled back into me, her back against mine. Gathering that Carys had pushed her purposefully, her friend said sorry and then went back to her duty. When it happened again seconds later I knew that something was up Carys’s nose and couldn’t understand why she would be pissed off enough to ridicule me.

Minutes later as I turned my head to the side, I heard Carys talking to some guy friend and pointing to my direction she uttered “I want him bashed, bash him”. However, the guy relented upon saying “No, why do you want me to do that for” and figuring that if she was talking about me, the guy was anxious, knowing I knew half of everyone at Chevy’s. So there you have it, strike one, strike two and for the rest of the night, no association with those two girls.