Tormenting Keith With Playing Cards
On the way home from Subway I flipped the cards right near Keith’s ear as if I was splitting them and then flicking them together. Touching his ear he must have thought the flapping windy sound was a butterfly or some sort of bug as he had this serious face on him as if he was trying to get rid of an insect.
Shawn and I just laughed so hard at Keith’s reaction. He was pretty scared as to how big the insect was flapping on his ear. Doing this a couple of times while heading home Shawn and I got a cackle out of it every time. On top of that I rubbed the card on his neck, threw his ball protector at him and other annoying shit that only I can do for laughs.
We were all supposed to go to my house and finish off the card game but I guess I irritated Keith so much that he thought I would irritate and tease him more at my house, good choice. Therefor, I came home around 2:00 a.m. and since then I watched some television and started in this Diary.
Thoughts on My Body
Now, before writing about my two quatrains that I’ve just written tonight let me stress my thoughts on my body image. Lately I’ve been hearing the same shit from everyone’s mouth about me being somewhat overweight and I know they’re only being sarcastic (namely Keith) but there is some truth behind it.
My body has much muscle but because of the fat stores I have (which aren’t much and diminish when flexed) you can’t see too great a definition in my body areas. Thus, tonight I will after my entry do some aerobic exercise and since I am limited to a skipping rope I will try and skip for half an hour or 1000 repetitions, whichever comes first.
Poetry Running Dry
Also speaking of poetry I have to write here that my poetical ideas have been dry since my last Sonnet and most of my ten syllable lines have been depleted. My stock of Sonnet material has been gradually diminishing and I’m hoping for some good new ideas and some more ten-syllable lines to keep me afloat for another prosperous month. These waters right now are dry but I’m coming back, I’m coming back babe. Now, before I move onto the next part of my night’s details let me include the quatrain poetry here.
A Quatrain for Clever Women
A smart man marries a smarter woman,
That is more intelligible than not,
A smart woman weds in wedlock’s great plan,
And bestows her quick hand upon others.
Why a Smart Woman Wins
This first Sonnet was created as I was thinking what would please me more, a smarter woman or one that is less capable than myself. Reality would see me liking someone smarter or just as smart as me. It’s in my nature but not in every man’s nature. Thus, ‘A smart man marries a smarter woman’ and I mean this as to say I will be more satisfied with an intelligible woman than one who doesn’t make much sense or makes too much sense that she is too easy to understand, too simple.
There are two different ladies that I can put up here but it will be misleading and unfair to those two people to say the least. Let me just say that the both of them are blonde and the one I think is as smart or smarter than me is the one that my lust has held onto for so long and has been lost in all these years.
The other who is intelligent in many aspects but I feel is less intelligible than myself is that which adorns my kiln at this moment in time. Now don’t get me wrong, this person that I speak of is not feeble in wit at all but she isn’t as articulate as I would like in a married woman.
Someone who is intelligent and intelligible is someone who knows what I want sexually and mentally and this is the woman that can keep me mentally happy for the rest of my life. I can be a fool and marry a woman that is less intelligent in thought than myself and in turn, I will be marrying someone who is under-appreciative and someone who can never fully satisfy me. To me, mental stimulation is just as good as physical but all good men know that intelligent girls are intelligent in bed.
A Second Quatrain
The second quatrain poem is now based on the lost years Sonnets and the first two lines were originally going to be placed in one of these Sonnets but I thought it was too bland to be in such. Thus, I created out of tonight’s thoughts a new poem and thus, here it is…
O, how I envy, thy thoughts be my thoughts,
Thy dreams be my dreamed, thy loved be my loves,
That with love, mayst woe find me in all sorts,
For she, the sinner hath made of these doves,
Bearable Poetry at Last
Poetry has become a tad bit more bearable on my mind tonight as most of the messy chronology is out of the way. Though I am not capable of writing an attractive and adequately dressed Sonnet I have something in my bones before we head into the negative mental cycle.
A Month of Mood Research
Speaking of my mental cycle, tonight is the last night of my 33 day (One Cycle) research on the mental cycle. Starting the analysis from the 22nd January and finishing last night on the 24th of February I have come to a respectable conclusion. Finding it hardest to evaluate what was just above the line and minutely positive as opposed to just below the line and minutely negative I had one constant factor that I could look upon to choose the state.
Anything from zero to minus one was borderline but slightly negative and anything from zero to positive one was borderline but more inclined to be positive. If anything was caught in this area you couldn’t really distinguish if you were in a positive or negative state except for this contributing factor.
The Lighter That Never Ignites
The best way to explain this distinguishing factor which would otherwise be hard would be to say that the slight positive and negative was like a lighter that you would keep trying to flare but it never ignited. When I’m in a slightly negative state I could keep clicking the lighter constantly but you would never be able to create a big enough spark let alone a flame.
When I’m feeling slightly positive (like this moment) I will still be constantly clicking the lighter and I will still only be getting a spark continuously from my efforts but these sparks would be enough to partially light a smoke. You know when you’re trying to light a smoke with a lighter that never works but you manage to singe a quarter of the tip by continually exposing the smoke’s tip to the sparks.
Tonight I can feel those sparks in my mind and tonight they did light up part of that smoke but I can’t puff away steadily and thus, I cannot create a steady Sonnet. In my negative state I feel slightly less capable with my thoughts and in those moments trying wouldn’t be worth the thoughts I place upon them.
Charting the Highs and Lows
As far as the rest of the cycle’s rating fared, the largest negative portion came around the first few days (Those being +16 to -2). From November 2nd (Which was -10) I started seeing a slow but continual rise in mental energy until I peaked at November 10th (Being +2 on the Cycle). Slowly my positive cycle started to decrease until yesterday when my cycle finished. Now I might as well place the graph in here for show and then if there is anything else to add, I will.
Before I do, the mental cycle starts from +16 and the next number being 0 and running through the negative 16 parts it begins back onto the positive and ending at +15. Thus, the start of the cycle being day 1 is +16, day 18 is -16 and day 33 is +15. Now that all is done I might as well start my skipping now for half an hour and then get to sleep so that Lyssa can give me a call to go shopping.
Diary Of A Mad Chaos is a daily diary written from March 1996 until today, of which individual books and book series have been created, namely “The Lost Years” an exploration of young, entwined love, the “Wubao In China (猎艳奇缘)” book series which provides an extensive comparative analysis of the cultural differences between Eastern and Western societies, and the book titled “Foreigner (华人)” an exploration of race relations in Australia.
