Hanging Up On Lyssa Again (Part 2) – Mad Chaos: December 27, 1998

Lyssa Back From The Entrance

For the rest of my night I didn’t do much but watch television and then when it was finished and almost upon midnight I started writing in my Diary until the very early hours of the morning. Getting to sleep near 5:00 a.m. I didn’t wake up today until 1:30 p.m. For the whole day I have been by myself and without companionship but around 3:30 p.m. as I was playing the computer Lyssa gave me a call freshly back from the entrance. It is here that I learnt it wasn’t only Penelope’s car that left but it was a huge family thing.

At least twenty five people went including Imad and the friend of Ali’s that drives around in his car now called Stan. Lyssa informed me that they hired out canoes and things like that for the water and she got burnt to the color of a lobster on her arms. Lyssa was wearing her drawstrings tracksuit pants for the whole day and as Ali made Lyssa jump out of a boat and push it into the water she pushed it too far and had to dip into the water to catch up to it.

Lyssa also informed me that they were speaking about me last night where Ali started the conversation. He asked how I was doing and then Lyssa informed him I was doing fine and I’m into the weights. Because Lyssa gathered Ali didn’t know how big I was she told him I was huge now. Ali was spinning his usual “He’s number one in my books” but he can get fucked with his idealistic opinions cause I don’t give a fuck about them.

Another Sleepover Request

Lyssa told me that she was going to be home alone for the night and automatically I could sense a fight working its way up the ranks. From what I gathered I didn’t want to head to Lyssa’s house because it was too long of a journey and along the way Lyssa wouldn’t help me out the slightest. If I would ask Lyssa to meet me at Leumeah Station she wouldn’t do it because some excuse would pop up.

Then there’s the factor that I’ll get bored when Lyssa goes to sleep again and besides, I have plans tonight to watch a movie with Keith at 9:30 p.m. which will be ‘The Prince Of Egypt’. Just before Lyssa and I started our conversations I called Keith up to see if he would like to go to the movies and while he was at work he told me 9:30 p.m. would be the best session for his liking.

Her Persistence Wears Me Down

Lyssa pisses me off with her persistency. After telling her that I couldn’t I asked her to ask all her friends but they all couldn’t make it to her house. Automatically Lyssa thinks that I’m going to head over to her house with some persuasion which I usually do because Lyssa annoys me with her persistency but this time I don’t want to give up my day at the Gym tomorrow and two hours either way of traveling just to meet Lyssa’s needs.

Lyssa is selfish and pig headed when she doesn’t get her way, let me explain how. After repeatedly telling Lyssa that I couldn’t come over she told me she understood but with resentment in her voice I told her “I can’t drop everything for you.”

I’m an idiot for kneeling to Lyssa’s needs all these times because over time Lyssa has taken away much from me where I still give. Lyssa says no to more of my requests these days than she ever has and all you have to do is go back in my Diary the last month and you will find that she’s caused with me an argument at least ten times because she can’t have her own way.

Hanging Up On Lyssa

Because Lyssa couldn’t get her own way she started abusing me and calling me names so I just hung up the phone on her. Later she gave me a call back apologizing but still she was persistent in her ways of having me stay over because she would be scared to sleep by herself. Lyssa always tells me that I don’t give a fuck if she sleeps by herself where the truth is I do otherwise I wouldn’t be dropping everything all other times just for her.

Before Lyssa called me a second time I was thinking of canceling my movie with Keith and even called him up to tell him so I could walk over to Lyssa’s house without ringing her and give her a surprise. Alas, that didn’t happen because Lyssa’s second phone call really pissed me off. Basically Lyssa was picking on everything that I do and as I told her ‘Fuck You’ after every insult she dealt to me she began infuriated.

Telling Lyssa that I had to go to the Gym she really pissed me off by saying “You live by your Gym don’t you” when that is so far from the truth. Lyssa just can’t take the fact that I don’t want to go over her house and she’s taking pot shots at me. On any other day Lyssa would love the thought that I’m going to the Gym so I can get fit but because she was being a bitch she decided to be nasty.

I Cannot Be Controlled

Hanging up the phone on Lyssa I didn’t want to talk to her anymore and thoughts of traveling to her house just to surprise her are now out of my head completely. Lyssa doesn’t deserve for me to bend over backwards for her and I’m sure if Lyssa is reading this passage she would hiss at my last comment in her selfish, pig headed way. Lyssa would probably say “You just love yourself” upon reading my last comment but the truth of the fact my dear bitch is that you don’t own me therefor, you cannot control me.

For that reason I can do whatever I feel and if I feel like living my normal everyday life without having to cater to your needs all the time I will do it. Right now the phone is off the hook so Lyssa won’t be bothering me while I write this entry but for reality’s reasoning Lyssa really stresses me out. Lately I’ve been feeling it more personally in our arguments but the only reason we argue lately is because she doesn’t get her own way or I’m angry because she won’t do something for me which I would do for her.

More Anger Than Love

What I hate about Lyssa is she can show much more anger and animosity towards me than actual love. Put the two in contrast, Lyssa will argue over the littlest things with me because she can’t have her own way. Lyssa’s brings out her most venomous poison when we argue that totally consumes all the loving and good she’s done for me. The most I’ve ever seen Lyssa show love for me in any given day I can’t recall unless you count the desperation after we would break up every time.

When I gave Lyssa my Sonnets she did not show much enthusiasm nor did she give me more than a thank you when she received them. Lyssa does not know how to love or appreciate me as much as she can argue with me and she is always in the wrong with our arguments over her selfishness. Your hate doth outweigh your love and your love to hate is much disparaging.

Tears And Words From Jesus

Before I leave now into my flustered state I grow tired of teardrops and hearing far distant cries. Lyssa was just on the phone again as I put it back on line and she was basically crying her eyes out because I kept picking on everything she said. Myself, I believe that’s the anxiety and depression setting in but being 8:30 p.m. it just ended.

Lyssa now wants to sleep over my house despite her ways so I told her to wait until I got back from the movies because I wasn’t giving up my night out. Besides, if Lyssa came over she wouldn’t be grateful to the extent of being considerate towards me. Rather, we would probably have a little argument or Lyssa would get to sleep early and in the morning she would have a bitch about me leaving for the Gym.

Keith is coming over in half an hour so I’m going to get dressed for that. Before I do I have one more thing to say about words from Jesus that are most probably in the bible. It comes off a song on television representing the bible having faith and at the end these words appear, words that have been etched in my mind…

I have come, that you might have life, And have it to the full…