A Poem Read Down the Phone Line (Part 1) – Mad Chaos: November 12, 1998

A Small and Hateful World

This world is indeed a small and hateful place. It is now that I feel after what I have heard tonight that I truly can’t trust anyone within this tight circle of friends and enemies. For only a couple of hours ago I was told that Penelope ‘Hates me with a passion’ (Exact words which Lyssa used to describe her dislike of Imad) and Imad could also be lying to me. This problem is just escalating much faster than I thought it would.

Only tonight Lyssa told me that Penelope and Bielka knew of what I had told them and in our conversation after my last entry Lyssa told me that Bielka didn’t even use my name in the whole conversation. The very same night that I found out that word had spread I also found out that Imad somehow knew and because of that Ace now knows.

So the whole thing has come full circle on me because I opened my mouth to Lyssa and then she opened her mouth to Penelope who in turn opened her gaping mouth to everyone else, fucken bitch. Tonight as Keith picked me up I found out some news that just made me feel like everyone had turned their back to me and favored Penelope, the Queen of the Dancefloor.

Bielka’s Cover Story

Lyssa called me back at 10:30 p.m. and that meant that Penelope and Bielka were over Lyssa’s house for two hours or more. Lyssa was obviously robbed of her sleep but calling Lyssa while the both of them were there (And her mum calling out my name in front of them) Lyssa told me she would call back.

That time came at 10:30 p.m. as Lyssa told me they didn’t talk about Bielka and Kieran until the dying minutes of the night. Bielka is going to approach Kieran by saying to him that a girl was talking to her and she said that she was going out with Kieran but this girl felt sorry about this girl because Kieran was cheating with his ex girlfriend.

Bielka denied to Lyssa that she ever went out with Kieran but later out in the night I found out that Keith got it slightly wrong and that Kieran never went out with Bielka, he’s just fucking her. That would explain why Bielka said to Lyssa “I’ve never gone out with Kieran in my life” but she didn’t go on to say “But I’ve been fucking him for the last year if that’s what you want to know”.

To me, Bielka’s little made up story to get the truth out of Kieran isn’t because of the rumors I have heard but because of rumors that Kieran has been going out with his ex and fucking her while he’s been having sex with Bielka. This is Bielka’s way to find out if Kieran has been fucking someone else but as far as the rumors I heard of her, she doesn’t really give a shit and is probably just putting on a show for Lyssa.

Reading Lyssa the Poem

Stopping our conversation about Bielka and Kieran Lyssa asked me about my poem and warning her that most of it was in old English I decided to read the start of the days Diary entry. The peculiar thing about this entry was that I couldn’t get to sleep all night and as a result I woke up very early in the morning and just started pouring my heart out with the feelings that didn’t allow me to sleep.

Those feelings brought out poetry and that poetry was indeed remarkable to a trained eye. That I did read to Lyssa, the whole entry before the poem and then the poem. Lyssa was very quiet while I read out my Diary entry to her about her traveling to her birthday part at Penrith Panthers with Braxton and me despising the fact that she was wearing a skirt and that Ali would be there with Penelope.

Lyssa seemed to quietly comprehend the speech I was reading to her and as I finished off my poem we sat there in silence for a little while then I asked if she was angry, no. Lyssa was either touched by what I wrote or didn’t really think that much of it and decided to stay quiet to imitate feelings, deep thought. Lyssa then told me “It wasn’t all me with Braxton you know, he also had a part to play” so she must have understood the poem that I had wrote for her.

Saturday Trouble Starts

From silence of my poem we started speaking of Saturday morning and how Lyssa really wanted me to travel with her to the City but I knew that I didn’t want to sleep at her house and Lyssa didn’t want to spend the night at my house because her shower and make up were at her house. Lyssa told me that I could sleep at my house and she would call me at 6:00 a.m. but I knew that I would probably go out for Friday night and I wouldn’t be able to wake up for Saturday morning without the help of someone else being there.

Lyssa started to get shitty at me telling me I was slack for saying that I would go with her and then changing my plans. For starters, I told Lyssa I would go only if Lyssa couldn’t find anyone else and then only if Lyssa slept over my house to wake me up.

Lyssa tried to argue that the only reason I wanted her to sleep over was so that I could get something out of her but that was hardly the case. The truth of the matter apart from me sleeping next to Lyssa for the night (And knowing she would probably have her periods anyway) was so I could get to sleep early with her and wake up early.

A Phone Fight With Lyssa

Lyssa started raising her voice and getting angry with me threatening to hang up the phone at one stage. Lyssa was getting angry at the fact that I was basically telling her I’m not her boyfriend anymore and even if I was I shouldn’t be pressured and feel obligated to take Lyssa to the City. Lyssa tried putting everything on me by saying she wouldn’t go to the City on Saturday if I didn’t take her because she would be scared to travel to Surry Hills.

Lyssa was being selfish and I made her aware of that but as she started getting more shitty she yelled “So what, I’m selfish but I still want you to go”. Asking Lyssa if she appealed for someone else to go with her Lyssa told me she asked her mum and Penelope but they both said no. Asking then if Lyssa got as angry with them when they said no as she did with me Lyssa told me it was different.

What made it different was that I said I would go but Lyssa was just bending the truth, I would go if she slept over because it was easier for me and I was doing a favor for Lyssa not the other way around. Lyssa was taking advantage of the fact that I was once going out with her and that I love her so naturally I would be easier to persuade and more prone to her verbal abuse than any of her friends or even her mum.

Keith Brings Bad News

Lyssa didn’t want to hang up the phone because she was still angry with me for not wanting to go but I had good reasons and Lyssa was being selfish about literally demanding me to go. We argued about ages and all for nothing, a visit to the City where I will only see Lyssa for one hour on the train and then the hour back with a couple of hours to sit around and be bored.

Lyssa and I finished our conversation at 11:00 p.m. and straight after I gave Keith a call because I didn’t want to stay home with these angry feelings. It was a piece of faith that I did call Keith back because as he came to pick me up along with Simon and Shawn I was told some information that still angers me about Penelope and her big mouth.

Jumping into Keith’s car he told me straight out “I heard some more shit from Ace about Kieran but he went off at me because Imad seems to know about him selling his car to Bielka”. Keith questioned me asking if I had told Imad but since I didn’t directly tell him I denied any wrong doing. So Imad knows and the only logical conclusion from that is either Penelope or Ali told him, who do you think has the bigger mouth.

Either way I made up an excuse to come back to my house and while I was here I typed out point form facts about what Keith had told me and also gave Imad a call. Sounding like he was at his dad’s house I asked Imad who told him about Bielka buying Ace’s car. Imad sounded a bit nervous at one stage when he told me that he knew nothing about Ace selling his car to Bielka, it was the first he heard of it.

Playing Dumb About Ace

So now I had my best friend telling me that a person that has no reason to lie to me lied to me. Imad wanted to know what was going on and who was telling him these rumors but I didn’t use anyone’s name but only told him that people were saying shit about me and I was trying to find out who they were. Later in the night I was told that Imad definitely knew about Ace selling his car so even though he promised that he didn’t lie to me he probably did.

What’s Imad trying to hide and what I can’t figure out is why is everyone trying to hide the fact that they know Ace. Everyone is trying to act like they rarely talk to Ace let alone even know him but from what I hear Ace is right in the middle of most of the talk and action and he was around back in the days that Lyssa, Channing, Kieran and Bielka drove to the Dungeon.