Mood CDs and a Lost Poem
Lyssa called me around 8:00 p.m. and just before that I was listening to my CD’s compiling a list of songs that I wanted to burn onto eight separate mood CD’s. Some of them CD’s will be sorted as such, Gangsta Music, Hip Hop and R & B Dance Music and other shit like Bass Music. Lyssa also remembered a time back when Lyssa and I had that argument because of Ali and Penelope spreading gossip and we didn’t talk to each other for weeks.
Specifically, Lyssa remembered that I had a poem that I wanted to send to her or at least read to her but it didn’t happen because we had the fight. Since then the idea of my poem has always been in Lyssa’s mind but tonight she finally remembered to ask me about it and for fifteen minutes I searched on my computer with curiosity of my own for that poem. I can remember wanting to send Lyssa a poem but I couldn’t remember what it was regarding.
While flicking through my Diary entries and coming just past Lyssa’s birthday (I think where we didn’t talk for weeks) and that’s where I found my Blank Verse Poem about Lyssa, Braxton and I which I think that I did want to read or send to her at one stage. Probably the reason I didn’t read it to her was for the fact that it would have been to strange to her ears to be hearing complicated Shakespearian Language coming from my tongue so I let it go.
Did I Say It Out Loud
Lyssa also asked “When I slept over last weekend did you tell me that you loved me while I was going to sleep”. Having to think for a second I remembered working my way around directly saying “I Love You” but yes, I did say it to Lyssa because I felt it. The reason I didn’t just come out with it was because Lyssa and I weren’t together and I didn’t know how she would react. Lyssa and I were only together for that night, we both knew that and we both knew that the next day will bring distance once more.
Lyssa told me that she was half asleep and that’s why she didn’t really respond that much to what I had said but it had been bothering her since the weekend and that’s why she asked me. Lyssa then said to me “I still love you too” and as I told Lyssa that our love only lasted one night she said we could be together for Saturday also but it wouldn’t change shit. “I won’t ever be confident about saying “I Love You” to you unless we were forever but I’m also not saying I want that” I explained to Lyssa.
“What do you want then” Lyssa asked of me and I responded with “I’m not sure what I want, it feels like it’s still up in the air” when I should have said “I’m not sure, but I know I still love you”. Lyssa and I still love each other and have refused to let each other go, what does that say. When I look at Lyssa I only feel love for her, when I see her body I only want to devour her but yet, even though she probably feels the same we aren’t getting back together.
That could be for the reason that my life is going good now, her life is going great also and we’re having fun without responsibility. Lyssa hasn’t found anyone and neither have I and ever since I’ve been with Lyssa and more strongly now I believe that I don’t need anyone else after Lyssa. If Lyssa and I ever got back together her love and my love will be enough love to keep the both of us together forever and I will never cheat on her or want another for the rest of our lives.
Much to proclaim you might think for one that has done so much wrong but one has learnt so much from past mistakes and needs to redeem. If for chance I ever get back with Lyssa I will learn never to let her go but if by chance we distance ourselves with other partners, let the right happen and our lives still be entwined for all the right reasons.
Keith Calls About the Movies
Lyssa had to jump off the phone because Penelope was over her house and one more time I gave her a stern word not to mention my name or reveal more than she knows because it will put shit on my name. Keith just gave me a call and asked me if I wanted to go to the movies with him, Shawn and Simon but apart from the fact that I wanted to wait for this phone call from Lyssa to find out information I really didn’t feel like heading off to the movies. Maybe I’ll give them a call when they come out but I can be sure that Keith will want to go home.
Well, I just gave Keith a call to tell him to see what their plans were after the movies but he just informed me that they weren’t going and were headed to Mobil to visit Tatton. Having food to eat here and still writing in my Diary as well as waiting for Lyssa’s call back I told him I would give him a call in half an hour so he could come and get me.
Off to Mobil With Keith
Last night Keith did come over my house but instead of traveling to the movies we headed to Tatton at Mobil in Campbelltown to see how he was doing. Before heading there we made our way to Simon’s house because Keith wanted to show him his new phone that he had bought. This phone has three games on it, 30 different ring tones, you can E-Mail on it and the rest, it’s pretty compact too. While at Simon’s house he showed me a magazine of ‘Fast Fours and Rotary’s and on the front cover was Lazlo's car.
From what I had been told Lazlo raced his car against a Ferrari and a very fast motorbike and although he beat the Ferrari he was just taken by the fastest bike. Lazlo’s car can do 10 seconds in the quarter mile but considering he’s a big time thief and all his drug money to put two turbos on his car is illegitimate, I think he’s a bitch ass nothing. Anyway we picked up Simon and after he had a little squabble about wanting to sit in the front seat I told him “It ain't that kinda party”. Lounging myself in the front seat we headed to Tatton’s work and lounged there some more.
A Familiar Face From the Gym
While Keith and Simon were stealing chocolates and shit from Tatton’s store I spied a woman stepping out of her jeep with beautiful blonde hair and making her way into Tatton’s store. Looking around 26 years old her stunning figure that looked like it belonged to a Fitness Gym was clad with Caprice three quarter pants and a top with a jumper over it where her perfectly shaped sizeable breasts were still making a noticeable impression.
Looking closer at her face I knew that her face was familiar and at first thinking it was Katya back from Keith’s street that moved out ages ago I realized it was Linda who I used to fancy along with everyone else at Feelin Fit. To shed some more light on her I used to talk with her on occasions while I was working out there and the only reason we started talking was not only because she was very open but because my brother tried to crack onto her miserably.
“You’ve got to be joking” is all my brother got for his efforts as he looked at her from his Smith Machine Squats position. I remember the face of embarrassment my brother endured for the next five minutes and particularly just after she made that fairly loud comment. He was shunned into humiliation and he was sooner out of that Gym than he was to finish his set.
Jumping back into her jeep she looked at me for a split second also thinking she knew my face but she left without responding. Her body was beautiful, Australian and her boobs were in a totally different world of thought as Keith tried to downgrade them to saying she had a push up bra on. Yes, that might have been the case but take away that bra and just like Lyssa, you still have beautifully large and perfectly shaped breasts.
The Girl With the Flat Tire
There was another girl that walked into the store and asked Tatton if she could get some help with filling her tire with air. Also with blonde hair and a fairly attractive face and body I paid attention to her as Tatton tried helping her out. As Tatton started walking back to the store I walked outside and he asked for me to help her with the car because he had to serve customers.
That I had no problem with and I was surprised how she almost had no clue how to fill up her car tire with air and didn’t even understand why the car had a nozzle that you had to undo. Having to take off her hubcap to get to the nozzle I started talking to her and found that she was fairly easy to talk to. Coming from Rosemeadow I also found out that the car wasn’t really hers but was going towards that way. She was just passing by when she noticed the tire was a bit flat and it needed some air.
When our conversation was over and she pumped her tire with air she thanked me for my help and slowly jumping back into her car she made her way out. Walking back in the store I found that I was the only one who didn’t notice the child in the back seat of the car and that’s when I realized that I’m one not to pay much attention to detail.
You might look at this Diary and think I am contradicting myself but when it comes to common sense and paying attention I usually am distracted too much with the main part of what I am trying to achieve. For example, I was too much into the girl to even think of looking into her car for any passengers let alone look on her finger for a ring. There’s plenty of other times I can probably bring up where attention to detail has not been one of my better traits but that would take up too much time.
Diary Of A Mad Chaos is a daily diary written from March 1996 until today, of which individual books and book series have been created, namely “The Lost Years” an exploration of young, entwined love, the “Wubao In China (猎艳奇缘)” book series which provides an extensive comparative analysis of the cultural differences between Eastern and Western societies, and the book titled “Foreigner (华人)” an exploration of race relations in Australia.
