Keith was called by Tatton on his mobile phone while he was in the cinema and the weird thing is that Tatton wanted to speak to Jett and asked for his mobile phone number. Tatton is weird sometimes and while we were driving to Campbelltown we were both trying to think of what could trigger Tatton to want to speak with Jett. Keith thought that it definitely had to have something to do with Min-Su. He gathered that Tatton finally wanted to fess up about his affection for Min-Su, I thought he wanted to spread rumors to Jett that Min-Su was cheating on him so he could be the person she falls back on when she gets upset. For that reason I called Min-Su near midnight and woke her mum up to hear what the story was about. Not even Min-Su knew what he wanted to speak with Jett about so it became more of a mystery to track him down and ask.
Heading past Tatton’s house we noticed he wasn’t home and gathered he would be with Shawn as that’s what Min-Su said to me. Heading past Shawn’s house he wasn’t home either so we headed down Queen Street and noticed his car at the taco shop. Stopping there we pulled up and asked what they were up to. Shawn and Tatton had no plans so they jumped in Shawn’s car and we were off. Having nothing to do we headed for Tessa’s house because it was now truly legitimate, she said yes to Shafiq’s proposal. In this time we started talking about Keith’s involvement with Tamsen and how he now wants to have a break badly. Keith thinks that Tamsen has been cheating on him as they haven’t had sex for the last two weeks and every time he instigates sex she doesn’t feel like it and either walks away or has to be somewhere. To me that sounds like she’s doing something she’s not supposed to, Keith just wanted to know what he as going to do with the situation.
Keith tried to associate his hard times now with what I must have been feeling when Lyssa and I were breaking up because I loved Lyssa and it made it all the harder. Keith heard that Ali and Penelope were the reason that I broke up with Lyssa but I set the facts straight and told him how it was. The worst Ali and Penelope would have done was make Lyssa and I stop talking for a couple of weeks but now that’s over.
Keith gathered that I’m not getting back with Lyssa because of the problem with Ali and Penelope being in a picture and that is part of the reason I won’t b ready. Keith also suspected and assumed that Lyssa and I would get back together after our day watching a movie at my house and then the night dinner at Lonestar. Keith didn’t understand that we were good friends and told me that he didn’t think he would be able to do that with Tamsen, he didn’t think he could picture Tamsen being boned by some other guy. The truth of the matter is that I can’t imagine Lyssa ever being bonked by another weener but that day will come upon me and by that time it shouldn’t bother me. Telling Keith that I didn’t cross a line when Lyssa came over I made him believe that Lyssa and I weren’t intimate, just good friends doing what friends do, having fun.
Driving to Narellan petrol station we tried to plan what we were going to do and after pretending to talk to Phoenix on the phone and pretend abusing her we came up with the idea of egging her house. Keith gave me his phone to pretend I was talking on it so that Tatton and Shawn behind us would start asking themselves who I was on the phone to. Pretending that I was having a conversation with Lyssa at first Keith kept telling me that it was only make believe and I didn’t have to talk but as I pictured Phoenix in my mind I found it easy to start dissing on the phone. Halfway through the conversation I really had Keith believing I was speaking harshly to Phoenix telling her I was going to go rounds with her and my friends. Keith took the phone off me and found it was a joke so I kept talking and as Shawn pulled up he also thought I was telling Phoenix off.
The fake phone call to Phoenix was how Shawn came up with the idea of egging her house but that never came up and instead of just bumming around Keith wanted to go home so I went with him. The night ended at 12:30 a.m. and coming home I started writing in this here Diary. Tomorrow I have no plans but to get my money and start a workout at Bradbury Gym. Shawn is going to be with Tatton, Keith is going to be with Simon and I will be with me. Before I leave let me just say this one more thing. I enjoy the good things in life too much and as a result drag those events on too long for the sake of enjoyment and fun. Things like the beach, sex, dancing at nightclubs, massages and anything else that excites me always leaves me there wanting more and if there is more to give I always want. Never can I say “Thanks, you can stop now that was enough, these things I have no real barrier to say “Stop” because the truth is I love them all so much I have no tolerance levels. People have to drag me away from nightclubs now and sex to me is like a repeated ritual, an extended ceremony where my dick christens the water it treads within every time it treads within those waters…
Tuesday 2:53 p.m.
My thoughts and mind have been changed and molded once again from the music that I listen to. It’s been a couple of days since I’ve really listened to my CD player and today I put on the CD that I made for Lyssa after hearing ‘My Side Of The Bed’. That brought me back a lot of memories so as I listened to the rest of the album thoughts started popping into my mind and resolutions were made. Lyssa and I usually had fights about me not having enough money to take her out to restaurants or the movies. To Lyssa, that was her way of feeling special with me and to feel needed and loved. I needed reassurance in the form of meaningful presents or just words of encouragement that I was doing great with Lyssa. So, what I was giving to Lyssa, letters, a CD and loving words on each chance that I got, that was my way of showing that I loved Lyssa and that was also what I wanted from her. Lyssa on the other hand was giving me what she wanted, she was taking me out to the movies, to dinner, she was the lady with the money making her feel better when we went out together. I feel that loving words and gifts are a better form of making someone feel special but on a night out with Lyssa (Her form of feeling special) those words could make the night. If Lyssa and I swapped our ways around we would make each other so happy. Lyssa will always reassure me with myself and instead of me saying “Remember our one year anniversary, I thought it was the best time in the world” Lyssa would be saying it to me. Myself, if things were changed around I would be the one with the money taking Lyssa out and back in the day I did do that along with give her presents and words of love. If both of us could learn to love in both of these ways there are no barriers to what we will become. How much times do I ask Lyssa for reassurance, even these days. After making love I ask her a couple of times if I was good knowing that I was but because she rarely says anything encouraging I have to have reassurance. How much times does Lyssa say to me “It would have made me so happy if you just paid for something little while we were going out, like go out to dinner, I would have been the happiest person in the world.” Now that you have heard my saga you will look upon this Diary in years time and notice if there has been a pattern emerging. You will notice if Lyssa and I ever get back together if we changed our ways.
Guess what, today I got paid and still at home waiting to go I’m happy that this month will be what I thought it would be, the best month of the year for staying on a high. Today I was woken up by Lyssa at 9:30 a.m. in the morning. Lyssa once again didn’t go to College but it figures, she never does anyway. Lyssa let me go to sleep and called me two more times during the day while I was still sleeping. Lyssa wanted me to come over her house but as I told her I can’t because I have to go to the Gym and Campbelltown she got upset. It’s not my fault I had plans, I can’t break plans all the time just for her and I’m certainly not obligated any more as I’m not going out with her anymore. Why does she get angry at something that doesn’t have to happen, just so she can get her own way. Being the person I am I offered to come over for an hour because that is all I could do but Lyssa got upset and we ended the conversation with her being silent.
Today I woke up at 2:00 p.m. and that is eleven hours of sleep that I endured. Straight away I called Commonwealth Bank and finding out that my money was in the bank I was elated that I hadn’t been taken off the system yet. More happy will I be if next fortnight I get paid once again because that will fully finish off my debts and I can rest assure that a job is at hand. Now my travels are to Campbelltown as I’ve had a shower and something to eat. No one has called me today yet because they are all with each other. From Campbelltown I will head for the Gym and after a workout I will most probably be called to go out which would be good. Well, I don’t want to write too much about nothing so I’m off…
Diary Of A Mad Chaos is a daily diary written from March 1996 until today, of which individual books and book series have been created, namely “The Lost Years” an exploration of young, entwined love, the “Wubao In China (猎艳奇缘)” book series which provides an extensive comparative analysis of the cultural differences between Eastern and Western societies, and the book titled “Foreigner (华人)” an exploration of race relations in Australia.
