Resentments, Workouts and a Broken Down Car (Part 1) – Mad Chaos: October 28, 1998

I’m positive that Ali and Penelope think I am the bad guy despite what they had done but I see a villain in a villain’s eye’s also. My hatred runs deeper than that of Ali spreading our concealed word to Penelope and then in turn to Lyssa. Lyssa once told me that her friends are more important than partners. If that’s the case then what friend is Ali to favor Lyssa in our break up, stick up for her when he knew that Penelope would be doing enough of that. Lyssa was upset, Lyssa was hurt but Ali had no right to be a desperado and help treat wounds he thought were inflicted upon Lyssa. If Lyssa was wounded Ali might as well have pulled the trigger with what he had exposed. Ali is weak to have told Penelope my mind, he is weak to have pulled that trigger, he is weak to have wounded and he is weak not to be wounded. Now he pillages along the grave of the wounded and takes what he can in his time. Resurrecting an untold friendship in Lyssa, that sickens me. Lyssa and Ali have become closer now that I am out of the way and as he rapes the remains of the lost years he finds himself a deceptive friendship. What Ali hopes to achieve with Lyssa’s friendship is not beyond my thoughts and to say that Ali has feelings for Lyssa is not false otherwise he wouldn’t have dogged me. What’s worse, that he didn’t want to talk to me or that he finally got his chance to put the cherry on the cake.

Now I sit here with none, as it should have happened but if Ali wasn’t intrusive on my privacy today I might still be with Lyssa. If Ali decided to keep his thoughts to himself and not involve himself in my dilemma today might have been very different. The fact that I am enjoying my life right now does not nullify what Ali had done to try and distance me more from his growing infatuation for the wounded. So yes, I am seen as the villain and in my eye’s I look upon him and see nothing but guilt of one who cheats on his girlfriend and finds serenity to place his villainy in my shoes, to heal the wounded and undo his mind’s wrongs.

Those thoughts were brought along as Lyssa was once again at the runs tonight with Ali and Penelope. Lyssa is too flattered by Ali to see that he’s trying his hardest covered in his own secrecy to become closer to Lyssa. It’s happening right now underneath my eyes but I can’t do anything about it because Lyssa won’t ever listen to me, she’s too flattered. Lyssa has told me before that she thinks Ali looks good and she is attracted to him so I’m pretty sure she’s not complaining about the new friendship that the three of them had made. Ali’s favorite day in his whole time of going out with Penelope would have probably been the night we played strip poker and he got to imagine Lyssa naked. That day should never have happened but mine and Lyssa’s coming was close and my mind was stupid to even consider that night taking place.

The way I see it, Ali wants to become real good friends with Lyssa in hopes of one day being involved in some way with her. Ali gathers that Penelope will one day let something like that happen and I know Penelope will let Ali do that. If I ever went out with Lyssa again she would have to break all ties with Ali, be no friend to him as he was certainly no friend to me when it mattered. If Lyssa can’t accept that I can never accept Lyssa but if Lyssa loves me and not the forged infatuation with Ali, she will accept that when our day comes. This whole ordeal just pisses me off and to think that Ali can be such a dog to think he can be a better friend to Lyssa than I was her lover and squirm his way into Lyssa’s life, he’s wrong… Lyssa will never end her friendship with Ali to go out with me, that’s the way I see it. To me, that just means that Ali has won and Lyssa does have something for him and to hide behind the fact that he’s Penelope’s boyfriend don’t mean shit. I’m no angel, I did do wrong upon Lyssa, a very wrong thing that I wish I could take back but can’t. But if Ali can hold Penelope’s hand, live with a lie of having cheated on her and not caring the slightest that he’s letting his dick take control of the fact that he’s becoming a better friend with Lyssa for all the wrong reasons, then I must be a saint for the deeds I had done compared to Ali. Ali is just a selfish mother fucker, he wants Penelope, he wants Lyssa and he wants me out of the picture, well here I am, just as you planned it you fuck wit. Like Imad always said to me “Ali always wants to be the best, the best car, the best girlfriend, the best life,” well now you have it, and don’t you feel guilty. Everyone has skeletons in the closet, I just had the decency to reveal them when the time came rather than keep lying over and over again when the truth surfaced…

Let me now start my days events from when I traveled to Campbelltown. The trek started about 3:30 p.m. and upon arriving at Campbelltown I visited the bank and was pleased that $120 came out. Hoping that I had enough time to do all my errands I hurried to the Telstra office and paid off $80 on my home phone bill. Completing that I headed for the hairdresser to get my hair cut and finding them still open I sat down as they shaved my undercut with my hair still up in a ponytail. Shaving around the ears was the end of their venture and paying $10 was considered customary. While walking back home just passing Pizza Hut I noticed Jaromir working on the building across the street and I waved to him. Jaromir’s always got a smile on his face, that kids got a good attitude. Further up the street and as I turned my head to face straight I noticed Kofi jumping on the bus and I also waved to him. Not having enough time to talk with either of them I made my way home and on the way I noticed Rory driving his car. Stopping to give him way on the road he looked at me and nodded as if to say hello. Myself, instead of giving another evil eye I winked, he probably noticed, he probably didn’t, it doesn’t really matter. Stopping at Bradbury shops I bought two liters of drink for when I came back from the Gym.

Stepping into my house I asked if anyone had called and as my mum told me no I heard the phone ring. Keith was asking what I was doing and telling him I was on my way to the Gym he said he would pick me up in an hour so we could visit Ingleburn Pizza Hut and see Marisol there. Having myself some of that drink to prepare me for my workout I picked up my towel and prepared for my jog to the Gym. What follows is my workout…

Chest: Starting with warm-ups I moved to Cable Crossovers for the first time in this new quarter. With only 20 pounds on each side I performed 15 reps. Moving to Machine Seated Bench Press I performed 20 reps with 60 pounds. Moving to Pullovers I accomplished 10 reps with 30 pounds and then I finished off my warm-ups with 50 pounds and 15 reps on Peck Deck.

Moving to Bench Press I loaded the bar up again with my highest weight of 160 pounds. Getting some assistance from an inexperienced young dude I don’t think he assisted me but as he took his hands away on the third rep I conked out. Maybe it was the fact that his hands were there that made me push harder and make me believe I was getting spotted but I accomplished 6 reps before my last rep was assisted. Taking the weight down to 140 pounds I performed two reps and then one last rep after a pause. This completely fucked me up when it came to energy and as I moved to Dumbbell Incline Press with 55 pounders I performed 9 reps before giving up. The next set was with 50 pounders and only 3 reps was achieved. Machine Seated Bench Press was next with 140 pounds where I performed 8 reps. Putting the weight down to 100 pounds I performed 6 more reps with closer grip. Next was Peck Deck with 110 pounds, I performed 12 reps. Next was Dips with 40 pounds assistance, I performed 8 reps. The last set was Pullovers and with 55 pounds in hand I performed 10 reps to finish.