After five minutes of watching television in a seated position Lyssa lay down next to me but because Lyssa was being distant I too kept my distance and thought not to touch her. Every now and then Lyssa would move around and we would end up closer together. It might have just been coincidental but I decided to put my hand on Lyssa’s hip to see her reaction. Lyssa’s eyes were intent on the television screen for most of the night at my house and her face was somewhat distraught and confused. Lyssa would tell me she didn’t want me to touch her and then when I would let her go and when the commercial would come on she would turn around and face me, her face next to mine. So these mixed feelings coming from Lyssa made me put my hands around Lyssa once again and this time asking if she minded she uttered “No”.
As the night progressed so did my hand tickling Lyssa’s back and stomach where Lyssa let me put her hands on her bellybutton ring. More and more my hand crept up Lyssa’s back and inside her shirt and when I reached her bra Lyssa asked “Are you giving me a massage are you” when she knew all the time what I was doing. Deciding not to try and take her bra off I put my hand to her stomach once again and moving up to her bra once again Lyssa didn’t do anything when I put my hands inside her bra, she became excited and I could feel it. My hands wandered but Lyssa then stopped what I was doing and said once again she didn’t want to.
Once again I stopped but once again Lyssa acted like she wanted some attention. Lyssa turned and landed on top of me trying to be playful. Watching television Lyssa moved backwards far enough so that our body’s were touching. Placing Lyssa’s leg between my legs I put my knee where Lyssa would like it. Slowly I started to touch her stomach stroking up and down and then with me leg I started to move it, up and down. Lyssa became aroused and she too started to move her leg where it was in between mine making me horny. More and more we started to get into a groove and then Lyssa turned around and let me kiss her on the neck but asked not to be kissed because of my flu. My mistake was trying to get Lyssa’s bra off and as I was doing that and had taken all her buttons off on her shirt Lyssa was stroking me with her hand through my pants which surprised me somewhat. Lyssa was horny but Lyssa became defensive about me wanting to take her bra off and once again stopped.
Our moment was over before it even started and Lyssa lay upset facing away from me and looking towards the television. Asking Lyssa if I had done something wrong she told me “No” and then I asked “Why did you stop”. Lyssa didn’t want to do anything tonight and I got upset because of how much she led me on in the night. Lyssa tried telling me that it was all me but I didn’t make her touch my dick or use her leg to arouse me. I didn’t tell Lyssa to turn around and give me hugs.
Regardless of what had happened Lyssa and I were calm and asking for some matches I walked upstairs and collected some from my mum’s room. Before in the night before our sexual encounters Lyssa and I took a walk down to Bradbury shops and bringing along some of her money she bought some Fried Rice with Steak from the Chinese shop. Walking to Video Ezy I tried using my $20 ticket to take that much money off my fine but they told me I had to pay the bill off with my money at the same time to have zero owing. Shawn also called while Lyssa was here telling me that he wanted to sell his Play Station to me for $100 with everything. I don’t know why Shawn wants to sell his Play Station for, maybe to buy more comics but it sounds like a good offer. Min-Su also called asking me if Jett was over my house and I told her that he wasn’t. Lyssa asked who it was and when I told her it was Min-Su she had a smile on her face and some jealousy thinking that Min-Su was calling me because I liked her. Only hearing my side of the conversation I tried to make it clear in my voice that Min-Su was only looking for Jett, should have played along with the Joke though.
The second time Lyssa asked for matches (After our frolicking encounter) we walked to the backyard where she had a smoke. This is where I reminisced with Lyssa on the fact that she quit smoking for me at the start of January. Way before this Lyssa didn’t smoke in front of me because it pissed me off and still does. While outside Lyssa asked “Don’t you miss Ali” and I erupted declaring “I don’t give a shit about him anymore, I never think of him” which is true. Ever since Ali and I stopped talking I never really missed him and have never thought about him. Ali is the past and as ‘Silk’ mentions, ‘Let the past be the past’. Lyssa lent her head onto my shoulders with the excuse she was tired. I would like to think the reason she lay her head on my shoulders was that things were coming to an end and she was sad. Listen boys and girls out there, it doesn’t pay to cheat on someone and have feelings for another. I’ve learnt that now and hope that I will never repeat in the future what I have done now. In the future I will know the results of such stupidity and even the weakest won’t get back with you.
As we lay on the bed once more in my room, together but distant I looked at Lyssa through the mirror on my wardrobe and asked her “You don’t want to sleep over my house anymore do you” and she once again nodded her head negatively. Now it’s time to move on from Lyssa, something I haven’t been trying to do that efficiently. When I saw those girls at Bradbury shops I liked them but part of me told me I should stay true to Lyssa for a little while longer. Once again the month has started good and it’s ended bad or is ending bad. Next month should bring prospects for a new job I would tend to think.
Lyssa didn’t have to ring her mum because they had made an agreement that Lyssa would get picked up after her mum finished watching ‘James Bond’ on channel 7. The time reached 11:30 p.m. and it was finally time for Lyssa to head off. Having my socks on Lyssa asked if she could borrow them and I said of course but we both know she’s going to keep them now. Lyssa left giving me a kiss on the cheek and then without a backward glance like it usually happens she was into her mum’s car and off. There I sat in the dark, behind my partially closed door, peeping out through the screen door mesh and seeing Lyssa’s reaction jumping into the car. Slowly the inside lights of the car dimmed and with that I closed the door and that was it for the night, all over and Lyssa’s wish came true. Lyssa and I didn’t get onto each other and even though I feel there will be another night where Lyssa and I get a chance to bump with each other I feel that this was the last.
Lyssa really angers me by being so selfish with her feelings. Lyssa tells me she doesn’t want to do anything but she’s always giving and forward. Lyssa says no but she means yes and she teases me too much. That pisses me off because the last three chances we’ve had to be sexual I’ve been cheated. When I was at Lyssa’s house on the 21st of this month I did climax but I held it so I could keep going. That didn’t work and I had to clean myself up. That night I didn’t have any satisfaction for myself and the next night when Lyssa slept over my house it was all her. Now Lyssa comes over my house, flirts with me, touches my dick, teases me to the max and then tells me she wants to stop. Will I ever shake this tension within me, will Lyssa ever satisfy me this one last time, that is a question I ask myself today.
As soon as Lyssa left my eyes were very tired so I tried to get to sleep. My flu was persistent for one more night and just when I thought I was getting over it the second wind comes. Waking up at 6:00 a.m. this morning my nose was blocked and my throat was heaps dry. For the whole night I was having dreams and while I was half awake I was hating my dreams. They weren’t scary or that horrifying but it was like I had to get things right for my life to be okay. It’s hard to explain but I kept waking up and thinking to myself my dreams will mean nothing when I wake up and I don’t have to worry. It’s weird the dreams you have when you can’t sleep and I was thinking ‘If I don’t get this right Lyssa is going to hate me’ or something similar.
Diary Of A Mad Chaos is a daily diary written from March 1996 until today, of which individual books and book series have been created, namely “The Lost Years” an exploration of young, entwined love, the “Wubao In China (猎艳奇缘)” book series which provides an extensive comparative analysis of the cultural differences between Eastern and Western societies, and the book titled “Foreigner (华人)” an exploration of race relations in Australia.
