Right now as I listen to ‘Mariah Carey’ I think that I need some time away from this cursed Diary. So now I will have myself a shower, watch some television, relax and hope that Lyssa will call me later tonight to speak with me. Lyssa and I won’t ever be getting back together in the near future. Lyssa will find someone better and I will hopefully find someone else better. Lyssa finally kind of admitted that she would probably have sex if she was in love. But, it would happen like Lyssa and I, the both of them would have to be tested for any possible problems. But condoms was a different story. Lyssa and I are content without condoms, even to this day but in the future she will use them. Now I am off to relax my aching muscles and let me just say one more thing that will probably make me sad in two months time when I read this. Today when Lyssa and I were on the bus (To be explained in the next entry of Chronology) I had an itch on my back. Asking Lyssa to scratch it she done such a good job and I got upset knowing Lyssa’s attitude, Lyssa’s love and Lyssa in all will never be mine again. It hurt to know that I will never be Lyssa’s again and those thoughts once that I had of marrying Lyssa are now forever out of contention.
Wednesday 10:58 p.m.
Hours have passed and waiting was I for a call from Lyssa. As the hours and boredom passed this sole phone call was the equidistant of my anticipation. Lyssa gave me a call at 10:40 p.m. and sounded somewhat sad. Listening intently to the background music I realized that Lyssa was playing the song ‘Forever’ from my CD. Right then I knew that Lyssa was appreciating the CD that I had made for her and it made me greatly happy that she wouldn’t throw it to the bottom of her letters pile like I thought she would.
Lyssa asked me if I meant all the words on my CD and I said “Every word of it” otherwise I wouldn’t have used such exact lyrics. Lyssa told me her favorite song was ‘Forever’ for obvious reason plus it was also her gift CD to me. This CD I refused to use any songs out of for Jewell and I’m glad I spared the sanctity of such a CD. Lyssa’s other great songs on the CD were ‘You Remind Me Of Something’ and ‘Come with me’ by ‘Keith Sweat’. Lyssa advised me that ‘Come with me’ was very special to her because back when we started getting onto each other I played her the song and mimicked the words “Would you mind, if I kissed your lips one thousand times, would you mind if I run my fingers through your hair baby, would it show you how much I care, and would you mind if I made you scream my name out loud, the thought of it just drives me wild”. Overcome with emotions Lyssa was somewhat speechless when she noted that this song was on her mind to be ‘Our Song’ but those thoughts were lost for the rest of our time until tonight.
Lyssa made me happy by listening to the CD and then noting that it was the best, she was so happy to have received it. We then sorted out that this present was Lyssa’s and like I took my gift from Jewell I would never do the same to Lyssa because she was more than fantasy. Lyssa then got upset about my cheating with Jewell and I tried to clear my name somewhat. Lyssa was angry with the fact that I said to her “I don’t ever want you to speak to me again” and apart from the anger of her getting onto Braxton that was my time to figure out my head, know what I wanted. That was my time to realize what Jewell was doing to me, fucking up my mind and my life and when I realized I done what I had to do. Alas that was too late for Lyssa but hearing her sad and reminiscent on the phone, saying that our early days were our best days I made her happy by saying Monday night at Lyssa’s house was like virginity all over again. Lyssa felt pure to me once again and what we were doing that night that I so rightly explained in somewhat graphic detail was that of a virgin mind so happy with the outcome.
Lyssa told me that she was sick while we were still talking on the phone tonight. Lyssa is choosing not to attend work tomorrow and when you take into consideration her staying home on Monday and practically jigging College on Tuesday and taking a day off work today, tomorrow is just a bit too much. But, if Lyssa is sick (Which she really is and I never believe her until it’s too late, curse me) then let her take a day off. Who needs to work with an illness. Upon asking Lyssa if she would like me to come over for the next day Lyssa told me she didn’t think we should spend too much time with each other and tomorrow would be overdoing it. Reality would persist in saying that is a wise decision to move away from each other but the reality of it is Lyssa, like me when I told her never to call again is hoping that we do get together. Saying ‘It would be best’ she hopes that her feelings will cave in and I will be with her tomorrow. Lyssa really loves me, I really love her and that should be all we need to make our love a love and forget about the past.
Lyssa left for sleep after twenty minutes of conversation and once again I have to point out I still care for her. One milestone reminder of our conversation (Not!) is that I spoke of how I was styling my hair for the night. Standing up and bending over, my hair flowed to the ground as I brushed it straight. Once that was done I placed all my hair within my hand and tied it all up near the front of my head. So, instead of my ponytail being tied up and going to the back of my head, imagine that turned around and hanging off my face. Yep, that’s what I done with my hair and it looked funny. What else I then tried was the samurai look and having the ponytail in the middle of the head. I have that done to my hair right now and it feels pretty comfortable and sits backwards like normal.
This month is once again going to be a record of words, a tremendous feat as we are almost upon the record now, 218 pages. Before we begin with today’s events let us just conclude Monday night’s happenings. Once our frantic behavior was over and Lyssa orgasmed twice and I once (But it was a false release and I was too busy trying to hold it that I didn’t feel any enjoyment) Lyssa and I both tried to sleep. With the lights off we decided to try and sleep and this time it was starting to work. Lyssa was tired from all the exertion we were both having and so was I. Lyssa was very sore down there and once again was exhausted.
Not really sure if we went straight to sleep I remember jumping up in the nude and opening some of the windows for some fresh air while in the dark. Lyssa was sprawled over the double bed in her mum’s room, yes we are bad. Through the course of the night I kept waking up and hugging Lyssa, placing my arm around her or kissing her in some sort. This became upsetting to see me turning from her on occasion and her not hugging me back. But thinking Lyssa was just asleep and not knowing that I was angry I kept to myself. This whole rumor of mine was quashed when I would turn away on occasion and let out a sigh and Lyssa (Probably still in her sleep) would wake right up, crawl right over to my side and put both arms around me, her head on my shoulders and my hand around her. That gave me confidence and made me very happy to be in her company.
Waking up in the morning to the sound of the alarm I turned it off and starting giving Lyssa kisses to try and wake her up. Lyssa then changed the alarm time so she could get an extra hour and we lay once again in bed with each other. When that hour passed Lyssa once again didn’t get back up and in the back of my mind I was hoping Lyssa wouldn’t go to College for the day because I wanted to spend more time with her. Being happy that Lyssa wasn’t paying attention to her alarm I was more happy when we woke up an hour later and Lyssa told me she was in no rush to get to College for the day. Elated we lay in bed and cuddled up with each other for half an hour to an hour before deciding to jump up and out of bed.
Lyssa jumped into the shower on Tuesday morning and while I was eating in the kitchen she asked if I would like to join her. This made me happy, knowing Lyssa liked the both of us having showers and her asking me because she knew I would like to. Lyssa wasn’t that embarrassed of herself in the shower though but I was somewhat embarrassed of her looking once again at my private parts and seeing something she didn’t like that much. The shower with Lyssa was great and once again I was reminded how beautiful and slick Lyssa’s butt looked as well as her thin torso and proportionate boobs. In the shower was the first time I smelt Coconut Oil on Lyssa. Informing me that the Coconut Oil smell was from some hair conditioner I used some myself. The funny thing about the shampoo containers was that shampoo was placed in a plastic tomato sauce squeeze bottle and the conditioner was placed in an old vegemite jar, you figure that one out.
Diary Of A Mad Chaos is a daily diary written from March 1996 until today, of which individual books and book series have been created, namely “The Lost Years” an exploration of young, entwined love, the “Wubao In China (猎艳奇缘)” book series which provides an extensive comparative analysis of the cultural differences between Eastern and Western societies, and the book titled “Foreigner (华人)” an exploration of race relations in Australia.
