Lyssa and Her Cat
When her brother walked inside Lyssa picked up her cat and started pulling faces at it. That moment was silent for me, like slow motion in a movie where you would have enchanting and saddening but blissful music playing in the background. Lyssa’s facial expressions, the cute expressions she was showing were hitting a nerve inside of me once again that told me ‘I Know I Still Love You’. Lyssa definitely could have the attitude for me if we were married but as I have noted before, we clash on many issues and if only those differences weren’t the downfall of us we might be the best loving relationship on this planet.
Lyssa’s body through her tight pants showed every facet of her body, slim body structure, perfectly defined legs, gaunt torso, slender thighs, a beautiful smile, a beautiful face, gorgeous ass, properly proportioned and highly appealing copious boobs, not to mention her blonde hair. Lyssa is my honey bun, my misty moo, my sweat pea and my love, my first love and that will always be the case no matter what happens.
Pushes and Secret Names
Lyssa and I walked to her room as her mum came home and for the first time I noticed it looked remarkably clean. Lyssa done some spring cleaning with Penelope a couple of days back and cleaning eight bags worth of rubbish from her room she installed a clothes rack for her clothes. Lyssa and I sat on her bed together and after talking with each other Lyssa told me “I just have to do this” and gave me a friendly push to the shoulder.
That brought a push from me and somehow as we carried on this brought a childish intimacy upon us which caused us to stop long enough to calm down. Lyssa had a talk with Kieran on the phone just after we finished our pushing and when she came back in Lyssa told me that Kieran might be coming over. For ten minutes we sat together on the bed just talking and mucking around. I’m not sure when this happened but I can now dispel the myth about Lyssa writing Hakim in that notebook of hers when she was doing those compatibility tests ages ago.
In fact, it was Imad’s name so that gives me a bit of relief. Lyssa done a compatibility test for her and Hakim while I was there scribbling it out so I couldn’t find out who the guy was. While Lyssa was in the toilet I wrote down Marisol’s name and made a fake one so I could con Lyssa into revealing the name. What do you know, it worked. Lyssa would tell me who’s name she had written if she told me who’s name I had scribbled out.
When I told her that the name was Marisol Lyssa asked who that was and I just told her it was someone I made up, don’t want to get too revealing like Lyssa does about her personal life. While at the table Lyssa also told me that she liked Hakim and she gave him her number at the Catholic Club when he asked but he hasn’t given her a call yet. Lyssa presumes that Imad doesn’t like her that much. “Do you think I would suit going out with Hakim” Lyssa asked of me and my reply wasn’t very intuitive.
Ali Loses His License
While sitting on the bed waiting for Kieran to arrive Lyssa told me that Ali is losing his license for one year in a couple of weeks all because of the burnout he done in the city. Not to mention, Lyssa has to go to court in a week or two for that red light offence I was also a part of. Ali is now going to sell his RX7 to pay off the debt he has, the loan he took out for his RX7.
It sort of defeats the purpose but since Ali won’t have a license what use is a car to him anyway. Ali had his fun for a couple of weeks, now his pig headed behavior where he has to be the best has brought him down and from now on he will have to drive with people which he won’t like at all. Ali will only drive around with Penelope and I gather he’s going to become closer to Penelope after he loses his license because he won’t be going to the City or anywhere else as often, maybe, I’m not sure.
Kieran Turns Up
Kieran finally arrived at Lyssa’s house and Milton also drove with him. Both of them came into Lyssa’s room and from sitting next to Lyssa I sat facing both Lyssa and Kieran who were both on the bed but spaced out. Thinking that Kieran would only stay for a little while and then leave I was wondering when Lyssa and I were going to get a chance to watch the movie that we rented. That chance never came and I was surprised to find that Kieran said “Hey Lyssa, do you still want to go out to dinner tonight”.
Lyssa had plans already for the night before I came over and as she said she was hungry she agreed it would be good to go get some food. Having no money and knowing Lyssa wouldn’t have any money but not wanting to lend any money from Kieran I knew I was backed into a corner and even though Lyssa had the intentions of me coming out to dinner with the three of them I guess I let her down like she did to me by going out to dinner.
What is that though, Lyssa was so content on having me over for the night, she rented a movie that we didn’t even bother to watch and then as she invited Kieran over she made some plans with them to have some dinner hoping I would come along. No thanks, I don’t want to sit around listening to Lyssa brag to Kieran about how she likes Hakim. Personally I think conversation like that in front of your ex boyfriend is a bit tasteless and rude, that’s why I didn’t want to go, well part of the reason anyway.
Empty Hugs in the Hallway
Before leaving the guys headed into the lounge room and I picked up my jacket from there. Lyssa was in the hallway concealed by darkness and looked at me with a sad but questioning look on her face. Lyssa was probably wondering why I didn’t want to go out to dinner with them and was sad because of that. Lyssa pulled me into the darkness of the hallway and asked why I didn’t want to go but I told her that I’ve already eaten and I didn’t really want to go.
Lyssa was oppressive and as we stood there concealed by the corridor Lyssa asked me for a hug and as I extended my arm and placed it around her we hugged. With only one arm around her it was a fake hug from me without feeling but I was robbed from my day and from my night with Lyssa that should have been calming and serene. Lyssa asked for another hug and once again it was empty of any emotion. Jumping into Kieran’s car I sat in the back with Milton and looking at Lyssa I saw her in a different perspective once again, not in a bad way though.
My house was the first stop and thanking Kieran for dropping me off I told Lyssa to give me a call later in the night but I’m not sure if she heard me. Looking back to the car as it started to drive away Lyssa done something she usually doesn’t do and looked back. Not only that but with a sorrowful look on her face and one stating ‘I’m sorry that we didn’t get a chance to spend the day together or even enough time to talk’ she waved her way out of sight.
Half an Hour Together
Half an hour would have been the most I spent at Lyssa’s house for Thursday night, not enough. Lyssa wanted to spend tomorrow night with me and considering that her mum would be going out on a date with one of her ex boyfriends the house would be all hers but I have to be at Tyler’s party.
Well, I don’t have to be at his party but we’ll just see how I’m feeling. Right now I’m listening to ‘Wonderful Tonight’ by ‘Damage’ and to be ending this entry, it is such a great song to calm the mind. When I think of this song I think of Lyssa and all the times we used to go out and how many times I thought in my head that Lyssa looks great but I never said anything.
No Goodnight Call
Upon arriving home I felt empty of my night and hoped that Lyssa would give me a call when she got back from her dinner. Trying to call everyone so I could get myself out of the house for a couple of hours and sustain my boredom I couldn’t get into contact with anyone and was forced to play my computer. Lyssa didn’t call me back tonight and at 10:00 p.m. I gave her a call which I never usually do so late. Lyssa was already asleep and that made me angry knowing that Lyssa was sorry for going to dinner without me but not giving me a call knowing that I too would have been upset.
Even though we’re not going out I know Lyssa still has feelings for me and I would have liked for Lyssa to talk to me tonight before I went to sleep. My night is now once again incomplete and even if I went out with Keith and the rest of them it would never amount to the satisfaction I attain from talking to Lyssa on the phone, someone I love.
Even though we don’t talk about much important things it’s just the fact that we speak on the phone before she goes to sleep like we used to do every single day for over a year before we broke up. Since our break up we have missed some days to call each other and I’ve been fine with that but I’m curious as to how much day’s we’ve been on the phone with each other since our break up. I can comfortably say that Lyssa and I would probably have spent at least 50% of our days after breaking up with at least one conversation on the phone, every second day.
Now as I feel empty from not having talked to Lyssa tonight I will try and get myself some real sleep. Today I’ve only had three hours of sleep and considering I haven’t slept for one night I can guarantee tonight’s sleep will be fulfilling. If I wake up early tomorrow I am heading for some temping agencies in the Campbelltown area so I can get myself some kind of chance of finding a job this month. Maybe when I get my pay on Monday I will start sending letters off to places like ‘IBM’, we’ll see. Tonight I will probably get to sleep in half an hour and crash around midnight, sounds good to me…
Diary Of A Mad Chaos is a daily diary written from March 1996 until today, of which individual books and book series have been created, namely “The Lost Years” an exploration of young, entwined love, the “Wubao In China (猎艳奇缘)” book series which provides an extensive comparative analysis of the cultural differences between Eastern and Western societies, and the book titled “Foreigner (华人)” an exploration of race relations in Australia.
