Talking With Lyssa and Missing a Girl (Part 3)

A Great Conversation

Late breaking news and more up to date, Lyssa and I just had a great conversation, more of the likes of a deep and meaningful without the emotions attached. Finally it feels like we have moved on and are able to talk to each other about our separate futures as well as enjoy each other’s company. Today at 5:00 p.m. while I was at home I gave Lyssa a call in hopes that she would be home but she was out at the movies.

Lyssa gave me a call when the time was 9:00 p.m. in which she had just come home and as the time is now just past 10:00 p.m. we have finished our conversation. Once again Lyssa almost fell asleep at the end of our conversation and in a way, I have won a victory to one of my dreams.

Talking to Lyssa tonight with such intelligible meaning and understanding between us (Without even a hint of argument) led me back to the days in the middle of our relationship. Tonight I must admit I was really aching for a conversation with Lyssa basically so I could redeem this emptiness inside me that has been looming for such time now. In our conversation we ran through so many topics in which I will explain now.

Firstly, Lyssa and I began talking normally and at first she told me she had to get to sleep early which almost felt like an anticlimax to my expectant night but because I am so apt at talking with Lyssa, we kept the conversation thick and flowing. The first chapter of discussion was my bringing out my news that I was starting a job on Monday.

With each little detail I cared to explain Lyssa kept congratulating me and saying “Oh, that’s good.” From there I told Lyssa how I was wishing to buy all these new clothes for work and as Lyssa asked me what train I was catching into the city we made an agreement that I would try and catch the same 7:18 a.m. train as her.

Both Still Single

The fact that Lyssa and I have been separated for ten months now was also a comment that brought upon us dominating questions and queries. Both of us were amazed and depressed that we were both still single and Lyssa was just frustrated on how all the guys just want sex. “If guys just waited to go out with me for a little while, they would eventually get it” she cried “Why do all guys just want sex straight away.” I felt the same pleas but in a contrasting light.

Where Lyssa had guys after her for sex, I told Lyssa I wished that girls would walk up and chat to me instead of the opposite as I am lacking confidence within myself. Lyssa wished that she could find someone who like me, didn’t just see a hot blonde who was very fertile but someone they could fall in love with. When we deepened our conversation and Lyssa asked “What do guys think when they see me”

I struck a chord by saying “They either think she’s a slut and she’ll be an easy root or they’ll be like me and think, she’s the wholesome type, I could never go out with her, she’s too good.” With this sentence Lyssa paused and then uttered, “You see, why are all guys like that,” as she spun into the topic of this new guy called Ralf which she liked and how he thought Lyssa was too good for him. However, after some discussion Lyssa told me that he wasn’t her type because Constantine knows him and she says he’s a ladies man.

Through this conversation Lyssa asked me “Do you ever get depressed because you’re alone” and not having to pause for a long time I uttered “Yes” with sincerity. I was glad to know that after ten months Lyssa was feeling exactly the same way as me and a smile protrudes my face when I think that we still have this string of emotion bonding us. The conversation of relationships continued whilst I chatted about the girl I noticed today (story not yet told) and how I could have had the chance but I never do pursue those chances.

Jewell and Phoenix Come Up

Out of the blue and knowing Lyssa would have that thought in her mind within all our deep and meaningfuls, she asked me “Have you talked to Jewell lately.” Obviously Lyssa is hurting greatly by my infatuation with Jewell and I don’t doubt she will think me scum if she read half the torturous emotional outbursts in this diary but for her sake, I hope these skeletons never reveal to her easily breaking heart. When Lyssa did ask that question I replied with the truth.

At first I told Lyssa I haven’t spoken to Jewell since we parted ways many months ago but then I added “Well, I did see her at Campbelltown about a month ago.” Unfortunately, Lyssa asked for details of our meeting and I told her in my cool, calm and collected voice the events of that day. Excluding all the emotional value I did write of later that day I did say one thing that I believe hurt Lyssa.

When I uttered, “Well, I was sitting at the bus stop and noticed this fairly good looking girl at the telephone and as she started walking down I realized it was Jewell and turned my head to avoid her.” When I did speak these words Lyssa made it all too clear that she wanted to get to sleep but didn’t sound aggravated, only dampened by my words. However, our night was without flaw and without upset.

Lyssa and I were at one with each other, without conflict and that I so dearly needed. Withal, my life is a bitter conflict between most people I know. All women who I know I strike a certain discord with knowing that I can’t get along with them. For example, I called Phoenix today half an hour before calling Lyssa and she came up with the excuse that she had to get ready for work.

Phoenix used to chase me down the street to talk to me and a few weeks ago she talked to me on the phone but now, without her safety net she tried to avoid me. There are many other women in which I have failed to associate with and I always come out second best but my conversation with Lyssa didn’t only bring back confidence in my speech but it put a smile back on my face.

Arguing About Naqi

There was another important conversation that Lyssa and I held regarding Naqi. I’m not sure how we got into talking about him but I think I was trying to make a point and used him as a reference point. From there I think I said something like “All my friends right now are just acquaintances and we don’t go out anymore and Naqi back then was my friend”. Well, I didn’t actually say something like that but Lyssa put on her old boxing gloves about why I’m not Naqi’s friend and how we should get back together.

Arguing that it has been too many months and too much time placed between us to rectify anything Lyssa thought I was wrong. However, I continued my argument to say that if Naqi had gotten off his stubborn ass (which we both admitted was as stubborn as mine) and took responsibility by apologizing all this never would have happened. The conversation dragged on a little bit in which Lyssa’s patriot tongue for forgiveness and mine for justifiable arrogance clashed causing her voice to raise a tad and mine to lower it.

For once in a long time Lyssa and I were speaking civilized to each other. Not like an old boyfriend and girlfriend and not like the tainted and impossible friendship we had tried to sustain after breaking up but a friendship that has matured and survived through all odds. I felt in total harmony with Lyssa and I feel she felt the same with me despite her hanging on to some old grudges. One of them being that I thought she was boring, that being meant in bed. However, I quickly tried to put that to bed by calming Lyssa’s thoughts.

Could We Love Again

Our conversation was greatly rewarding for my relieving tension that for so long has been building. Right now I need a lady friend and Lyssa seems to be the most viable option and my best and most just choice. I know that one day I have to find another girlfriend and I have moved on from Lyssa, which is the joy of it all. We have both moved on but in a sense, we both still harbor these contingencies of emotion for each other.

Before today I didn’t hold too great an emotion for Lyssa but after reading my loving words from one year ago it gave me a new breath of hope for peace between us. I know creating something that love used to grant to us before would be foolish and selfish of me to do, unless Lyssa was feeling the same thing. Nevertheless, as noted before, if we were to get together, I would lose all my acquaintances and practically be alone with only Lyssa by my side, and that to me sounds like an uneasy gamble.

It would be great if I could fall in love with her again which right now I think I could do. Just imagine it, being in the city, having lunch together, feeling the tingling sensation of love between our eyes, that yearning and then, the first kiss all over again. Now I think of taking Lyssa to the opera like I always wanted to do but never got the chance to because I never had the money or she wasn’t into it.

Now I think of going to the movies with Lyssa and heading to clubs with her. Now I think of all these opportunities that I would only wish on a new hope of love, yet I think it with an ember that never has extinguished. I wish all these things but wonder if they are just mere words phrased into these emotionally exhausted sentences. I know this love is real but the barriers between us are also real and as everything and everyone is against us, this is also real.

Only in a perfect world if we were to elope and live as one would we truly be free but then for the rest of our lives we would be tainted empty souls, alone in halves with nothing else but ourselves.

Ralf’s New Speakers

Now quickly, the time is 10:42 p.m. and as I will have to after today, I will explain the happenings in lesser description. Today I called Keith to come over and show me how to put on a tie and a couple of hours later at 1:00 p.m. he finally came over with Keith. The rain was pouring as Keith jumped out of the car and hurried me to bring my ties and jump in the car so we could head to Binh’s shop.

The reason for this was so Ralf could have Binh ring some kids up so they could buy his speakers that he has replaced with his two 15 inch subs. When there the rain started pouring down heavily. In this time Binh rang the two kids and they came down to check out the speakers. However, Ralf had more fun showing them his new system that shook the car to the shithouse and made his car a laughing stock because of all the shaking. Once a black sheep always a black sheep I say.

The Girl in the Rain

The kid didn’t end up buying the system and as he left Keith and Ralf started chatting to Binh in the shop. In this time I noticed a girl step out of the corner shop and as she had a hot body and great C cup boobs, dripping wet and with her back to me, I vividly noticed her. Placing something into the bin she turned to my direction, wearing her black shirt and black tight pants, hugging all conforms of her body, I did find our eyes to meet.

In these seconds I done something I never normally do, a step into the right direction after ten months of being separated, I smiled. This smile wasn’t fake or put on, it was a genuine attraction and acknowledgment of how beautiful she looked with the dripping water down her back and titillating breasts. What I found exciting and groundbreaking was that she admired my smile and evoked her own delicate smile. For a couple of seconds we did look at each other and as she walked into the shop to fetch her friend I was stunned with her beauteous smile.

Seconds later her and her friend walked past and they both started talking to each other but the girl in the black clothes uttered “Oh, I thought you were talking to the guys” because of how she was speaking. It was good to know that this girl was trying to include me into her conversation and I felt like jumping up and chatting with her but I didn’t have confidence in what to say. Therefore, I just smiled as she walked past and then walked past again and again.

This obviously was begging for my attention which I was too self-conscious to administer. When finally she walked around the corner I waited a minute and then took Ralf and Keith around to see if they were still there. Standing there chatting to each other they were, myself knowing that she was wondering whether to make the plunge and chat to me. When finally they had seen us they started walking away but she waved up to me, something I did not see.

For another minute they stood in an area where I could hardly see them but once I spotted them they kept walking and she was out of my life. I wished that I did talk to her seconds later and kicked myself for not even trying because I knew that if I even asked her for her number only, she probably would have been inclined to give it. However, those are the downers of our lives and I guess fate means it this way.

A Boring Hour at Ralf’s

Leaving Binh’s shop soon after Keith was dropped off home and I headed to Ralf’s house to be bored for the next hour. Initially he was just supposed to show me how to do up a tie but it took him an hour to hook his old car speakers up to his house system and show me how they worked, how useless.

As much as I didn’t care my words of wanting to go home went unchecked as Ralf kept saying “I’ll only be a minute” and turned out to be much more. Finally, halfway through cutting some of the wires he mentioned “I can do this later” and getting the drift he showed me how to knot a tie and we headed for the car. Shawn’s house was next on the agenda as Ralf wanted to show off his speakers again and after that Ralf finally dropped me off home.

Tonight I was supposed to head to the Catholic Club but again, Ralf took more than half an hour and as the time was reaching 6:30 p.m. and way too late I thought to stay home. The thought of Lyssa calling me for the night kept me home, it was the only thing that was going to get me out of my slumping mood and it did.

Now that I have spoken to Lyssa I am not down any more about being miserable because I can now be miserable with Lyssa and be with a womanly figure at the same time. Lyssa and I will catch the train together tomorrow morning and hopefully, we can have lunch too. Anyway, I am tired now as the time is nigh of 11:00 p.m. so I will be off to sleep and when you hear of me next I will be exhausted, worked and eager to speak of my first day.