Handing Lyssa Her Twenty Dollars (Part 1)

A Better Sleeping Pattern

Victory, I have finally been able to regulate my sleeping habits and make them more systematic. Last night I got myself to sleep around 10:00 p.m. and this morning I woke up at 7:00 a.m. I hope that this new uniform of adjustment will not falter and it will be a start of an earlier new month. Just to think how much more I can do now during the day.

The dream of riding my bike can be realized, the gym can once again be fulfilled and trips to Campbelltown or anywhere else don’t have to be rushed. Now with these new hours in the morning I will speak of what I abruptly stopped last night, chronology. For these couple of hours I will have to sit tight as my parents go out shopping. Maybe I will go out to Campbelltown with them so I can get some business done, visit the library and borrow some books.

Picking Up Where I Left Off

Picking up on last night’s subjective topic, we shall start after Lyssa’s first phone call at 12:30 p.m. This is where I left my scriptures because I was tired of writing with choleric ravings and I had other things to do. Anyway, when Lyssa’s lunch arrived she decided to give me a call just after 1:00 p.m. The discussion centered around how I was going to get my $20 to Lyssa.

Again, Lyssa ‘really needed’ the money because she had nothing to catch a bus home or to pay for a train ticket tomorrow. Lyssa wanted me to head down to Leumeah Station to meet her when she was headed back from work and at first I had no real problems to meeting her. As long as I was headed to Campbelltown to run some errands I could do that. However, Lyssa’s tone towards me was that of bitterness and her eagerness was slowly turning into a relenting obsession.

The Almighty Argument

I wasn’t speaking to Lyssa with much emotion or wavering in my voice either but through the conversation her animosity towards me picked up. When I told Lyssa “I’ll try my best to get there” her bitchiness began. Lyssa acted like the almighty, putting herself above me whenever possible and having the nerve to start an argument about our subject of money. When I told Lyssa that I would try my best she bellowed “No, you’re going to be there, either be there or don’t”.

Lyssa then picked at the fact of her being better than me and joked about my only holding a job for one week. When I uttered “Do you think you’re better than me because you have a job” she shamelessly answered “Yes, I am better than”. Shaking my head at her strong-headed nature I asked “Are you the almighty” and when she answered “Yep, that’s me” I replied with “Yeah, you’re the almighty bitch”.

For the next couple of minutes name calling continued between each other and through it all Lyssa had the nerve to demand me to meet her at Leumeah Station. Despite all the harsh words uttered that were meant to put me down, she still wanted me to drop off her prized money. Lyssa was acting so greedy about her money, like she was never going to see it again. Lyssa thought that I was going to be a King of Procrastination but then I broke out into another argument over money.

Who Owes Who

This time, I argued how Lyssa always borrowed money from me here and there over time and she always forgot to pay me back. The instance that comes to mind is the last $5 I lent to Lyssa to catch a taxi home and despite asking for it back (Which I never really do as I expect Lyssa to remember) I still didn’t see it. Lyssa had the nerve to say that I always borrowed from her when that wasn’t the case. There might have been a couple of occasions where I borrowed from Lyssa but I always paid her back.

It’s in my nature to pay someone back when money is owing and despite that, with Lyssa in your ear all the time the money has to be paid back. Lyssa argued how she lent me money to pay off my suit (I had the impression she helped me out and I think I paid her back anyway) and since she went that low I argued how I bought her formal dress. Lyssa didn’t look like yielding in the ‘attitude’ department, she was full of it.

Our conversation ended in a huff and puff as Lyssa said “Be down the station”. With the attitude that I was copping from Lyssa I believed that there must have been someone in the background who could hear Lyssa. Obviously being one of her close friends from work I gathered that she was trying to act hard and supreme in front of them. That would explain her receiving momentum through our conversation and speaking out as she normally wouldn’t. Maybe Lyssa just had to show her friends how she was above me and she supposedly didn’t take any shit from me, yeah right.

Angry and Unsure

Upon hanging up I was so angry that I wasn’t going to deliver Lyssa’s money in protest. I wanted the little spoiled princess bitch to know how it felt to have to walk home and ask her mum again for some money. I wanted to put Lyssa through that struggle because of her maltreatment and pushy nature over the phone and it might have happened if I got to talk to Lyssa when I called back in a couple of minutes.

The thought of seeing Lyssa’s face was repulsing me so I called Lyssa back within minutes to inform her I was going to put the money in her bank account instead. However, someone else was on Reception and when I asked to be put onto Lyssa she wasn’t around. The Receptionist sounded like she knew what was happening between the both of us and she asked if I wanted to leave a message but I decided against it. Later I called Keith who agreed to come over my house and I thought that I could drop off Lyssa’s money under her house door to avoid her but Keith never ended up coming over.

die called me back after half an hour asking if I had called and what the reason was. It was here that I told Lyssa of my plans to head to her house. “I don’t care what you do” she blurted and with that I detested her all the more. Our conversation ended but this time around I didn’t say goodbye but I just kept silent. On our first phone call of Tuesday at 12:30 p.m. I ended by saying ‘catch’ and Lyssa seemed to realize what I had said. Through our conversations Lyssa seemed very uncaring towards me in every way. She was being spiteful and a bitch and caring emotions ceased in playing her part anymore.

A New Stage With Lyssa

I believe that with this new animosity and reasoning from Lyssa, our association has passed to a new stage. In truth, I believe this new step will finally see Lyssa and I drift apart. When I gave Lyssa’s money back on Tuesday that I feel was the last time we would be drawn together to see each other and I’m glad for that.

I placed some distance between Lyssa and I by not calling her as often. Lyssa placed the spite and the animosity between us because she didn’t get her way and now she’s out to ruin my process of extinction. I wanted to have our association fade away from any emotional attachments by not speaking to Lyssa as much and pushing myself away from loving words.

Lyssa knew that I hated her after the argument and she thought to try and take control and put some salt in my wound. The only way Lyssa could do this was to show her detesting nature, to oppress our conversations instead of letting them die out as well as their significance. Spiteful vengeance is where we are now and with the animosity handed down to me by Lyssa I feel that I will be pulled into these execrating feelings when next Lyssa decided to call me, if ever.

Deciding to Deliver the Money

For the next couple of hours I waited around for Keith but perceiving that he wouldn’t show up I came to a crossroad. Either stick with my spiteful plan and make Lyssa suffer without money or head down to the station and neglect all the bad words she uttered because I am decent when it comes to repayment. When 4:30 p.m. neared I thought it would be too cruel to leave Lyssa without her money despite her bitchy attitude and my apparent long trek to Campbelltown and back home just so Lyssa could get her way. Thus, I gave Lyssa’s work a call, informed her that I was meeting up with her and then I made my way.

The wind was turbulently gasping outside so I took my jumper to keep myself shielded. The walk surprisingly didn’t take me too long to get to Campbelltown an hoping the Telstra shop will be open I was happy to find it was. Stopping shortly as I had plenty of time to spare I paid off the remainder of my bill and then carried on.

Waiting at Leumeah Station

Catching a train to Leumeah I climbed over the platforms using the newly built stairs and stood around waiting emotionlessly for Lyssa. Sitting myself down on the bench seats after one train passed I knew what to expect when Lyssa arrived. In my mind, I fathomed that Lyssa would show haste in redeeming her money and then unconcern for my long walk or well being as she quickly walks away.

When Lyssa finally arrived on the third train and on time my perception was correct. Deciding not to even look to the direction of the train I saw her through the reflection of the glass. Masses of people were heading to their cars or the bus stop and as Lyssa pulled to the side I slowly moved off my seat.

Before I even sat down to wait for Lyssa I took the money out because I didn’t want to prolong my time with Lyssa and I guess she felt the same way. When I took the money out of my pocket and handed it to Lyssa she snappily asked “Did you see my bus arrive,” and when I shrugged my shoulders she looked to the train and urged, “Are you jumping on that train.”

This was her way of being brief and nodding my head she turned and heartlessly made her way to her bus. There were still hordes of people streaming out through the exit and I waited patiently with an expressionless pout. However, my night worsened as the doors to the train closed even before I could get past all the people and when they finally stopped pouring through I made my way to a seat and waited patiently. Taking a look back I noticed that Lyssa’s bus had just arrived and knew she was probably gloating at my misfortunes.

A Girl Who Looked Like Jewell

Glancing up toward the new walkway over the train tracks I noticed a girl fresh from work that had stunningly beautiful blonde hair. It was long to the back of her shoulder blades and she was wearing a smart and appealing suit top with a black work skirt. As she made her way down the stairs I took a closer look at her and for a couple of seconds it resembled Jewell but a Jewell who was considerably taller and with a more heavenly appearance.

Let me just say, the right color blonde hair with black work attire illuminates the woman’s appearance and makes her look heavenly. That’s what I was seeing last night and standing on edge, wondering if it was indeed Jewell as she now works in the City, or so I hear.

The legs were long and she wore what I believe Jewell would wear to a work outing but she looked considerably older, maybe by a year or two. Jewell couldn’t have grown in that time so as I watched her and her lady friend walk to their cars I knew in the back of my mind that it wasn’t Jewell but I wanted to believe it was. Seeing this lady smiling her angelic smile, beautiful white teeth accentuated by her glistening cheeks and pearled structure, it brought back memories.

With this reminiscence I realized that to me, the idea of Jewell stands as a statue of idealism in my mind. Her figure, her intellect and her prowess (Is this déjà vu because I have used that line before) are what I want in my life, to become my other half. Jewell herself and our relationship left much to the imagination but for those two years within the lost years, imagination was my world.

Each person that I have gone out with stands in comparison to this idealism of what truly adorns the chaste of beauty. Jewell has been closest to this idealism based on her traits and I am lucky that I didn’t get to know her too well because that curiosity, that mystery helped create this idealism.

Walking Home Alone

Waiting on the cold and dry night for a train with my fingers clamped and interwoven my train arrived and I was back on my way home. Thoughts conjured in my mind about the idealism in my mind as I headed back home and I began to pity myself. Questions started to arise in my mind including the venomous, “Am I destined to walk the streets alone for the rest of my life.”

As the case was, I am without a partner and now without a true friend. Wherever I go I seem to be doing it by myself. Since I have no real friendship and a lack of confidence it will be extremely hard for me to find another soul mate by myself. Thus, as I walked the streets home alone I kept asking that same question and in turn, remembering it for when I came home.

However, realizing that I was throwing self-pity at myself I thought the attitude of pushing on and bettering myself rather than degrading myself was best. Therefore, I fear not to walk these streets alone if that comes to be but I know I have much of a life ahead of me and one day I will truly open up. Besides, with all these new invents coming next month including my bicycle riding, I’m bound to meet new friends and strike it lucky some day.

When at Campbelltown I was thinking of catching a bus back home but if the bus I could see wasn’t mine the thought of walking was more evident. I didn’t want to stick around with my thoughts for 20 minutes to wait for a bus so seeing that it wasn’t my bus I started walking. The walk through the dark streets was one of usual solitude where I was unkempt by my musing. I was in constant deliberation, where these thoughts warmed to paradox like a fire.

Supermarket Chat With Nina

Before heading home I made my way to the shops where I bought myself some fried rice and a large Vienetta Ice-cream. Contemplating on renting a game for my IBM I decided against it. While in the supermarket I also noticed Nina and her new boyfriend. She walked up to me calling me a snob and then we chatted for about ten minutes as her boyfriend stood around.

Nina told me how she had seen Tatton a couple of times but he always seemed to avoid her in a snobby way. From Bradbury shops I headed back home where I had my fill to eat and then got bloated. This in turn helped me to get tired for the night and turning the light off benefited as well.

Morning Before Campbelltown

Tuesday night I went to sleep at 10:00 p.m. whilst watching a documentary on channel 2 about Kosovo and the war. My sleep was a great one until I woke up early this morning at 7:00 a.m. Soon like I had noted I’m heading out to Campbelltown with my parents so that I can pay a bill, return my library books and run some other errands.

Between writing this diary entry I had the time to have myself a shower but before that shower I completed 500 reps in skipping and 30 pushups. There was no energy within me because I hadn’t eaten anything but I completed that exercise because it best suited my will to deplete my fat levels, early morning exercise. Bless this Diary, for without it I would truly be bored, just another Tatton. To think, that at one stage I was a high-flying extrovert who had no troubles associating but now, I fear I’ve reformed to an introvert of great bias. Anyway, the time has now come to depart for Campbelltown so I must, to be off ascend from hither…