Jewell Walks Back Into My Life (Part 2)

Fate Brings Idealism Closer

Wednesday 1:28 p.m.

How do you start, for something that is so heartfelt, yet, no heart should exist. How fate does prize me with what I do cherish and how fate hath released the fantasy, the imagination, the idolized reverie and presented it to my ailing heart. Such a beautiful thing did happen, for love’s hand did cherish it so and it has propelled me into a firmer belief, that these days and next month will truly spirit my endeavors.

Fate upon fate did cause my confusion’s undoing and it did bring idealism closer to reality. All I am to say in this paragraph of emotion is that the dark angel of the lost years did shed her light upon me today while I was in Campbelltown and despite my subdued bestowal, I was mesmerized with lucidity.

Library and Bike Shop

To begin from where my last diary entry left off, I was in a rush to head to Campbelltown with my parents. Jumping in the car I was dropped off at the library where I handed in the three books that I have borrowed for such a long time. Borrowing myself another book called “The Histories and Poems of William Shakespeare,” which includes all his Sonnets I made my way to the middle of Campbelltown.

In addition to the library, I noticed Briony from Subway in a nice black skirt, she looked fairly different and decent. Despite that, I made my way to Campbelltown in search of my parents who were shopping but by hard luck I couldn’t find them. The shop where mum usually shops was closed down so I was forced elsewhere. Walking into a bike shop I just looked around, received some prices on bike parts and was then on my way.

Bank Queue and Bus Luck

Heading to Commonwealth Bank was my next errand and as soon as I walked in I noticed huge lines or rather, should I call them crowds. Filling in a deposit slip I waited in line with the usual unperturbed expression, staring at blank space without a caring expression. This did persist despite a Lebanese girl waving her feisty hands around whilst talking to her friend and glancing at me on occasion.

Making my way to the front of the line and with the deposit slip tucked into the pages of the book I made my way to a girl whom I find the most attractive working for the bank. She is fairly skinny, tall, long light brown hair and she reminds me of Jaromir’s girlfriend from way back. There were no words coming from my mouth as they had tried from lack of conversation and an intense wind.

When I am alone my lips tend to dry up frequently that I have to run my tongue across their lines so as to refresh their exuberance. The girl was rather pleasant and when she added a couple of words into conversation I began to slight my thought in that she was kind and soft in her character. It felt as if with those few words we formed a mental bond that this heart will endear with admiration. It wasn’t much said but from my eyes to hers did transfer one imagination that would care to remember when next we meet.

The bank being my last place of business, I had no choice but to catch a bus home. I believe it was fate that the time was just past midday and to that, I missed a bus by seconds. In addition, I feel fate granted loving gratitude to faith in that the bus didn’t appear when I had expected it. I expected the bus to come each successive half-hour but it seemed the bus wasn’t expected for an hour. Thirdly, fate truly did bless me with the opportunity to meet the past and grieve no more for these ailing memories.

There I sat upon my bench, waiting alone within the chilling breeze for my bus to arrive, that it might take me from such loneliness to harbor me where I truly can be forlorn from society. Campbelltown offered much luster for me to feast my eyes upon but the most riveting was a girl who went to use the public phones near the corner. Her body so delicate and hair as beautifully blonde as that I had seen the night before at the station.

Beautiful Girl at the Phones

Wearing tight-checkered pants that did contour to her slick lines, a body that made these tired eyes reminisce of love and a face deserved of reminiscence. The first phone the girl didn’t use as I glanced up towards her on occasion. I thought to myself that she must have been the most beautiful woman in Campbelltown and I had the bountiful pleasure of seeing her. The first phone seemed to have something wrong with it so she moved to the second phone and glanced slightly towards my direction. That in time she also cared not to use but as she was standing there I studied her stance and adored the beauty.

Truly, there has never really been a time where I have seen a girl just standing there that I would be so bold as to study her beauty. I felt like heading up to her and telling her just how beautiful she was but I knew it would be too bold a move and therefore kept myself seated. One leg in front of the other, beautiful high heels on, the most heavenly hair and a body to die for, that’s what I could see.

For a fair while now I have not made a verbal gesture as in a moan or a murmur upon seeing a beautiful sight but this truly did deserve my phonetic blessing. This resplendent angel did bless me all the more when she finished on her telephone conversation and began walking down towards my direction. Obviously the second phone didn’t work so she was off to scout for another phone. What got me puzzled was why she started heading down the street when there obviously wasn’t a phone in sight but I wasn’t concerned. I was aflame with passion to see what face from afar could light my desire when well-nigh.

Realizing Who She Is

As the maiden to beauty began walking closer towards, I glanced occasionally at her. With each step she took closer I started to realize that she looked remarkably like the idealism in my mind and that which the idealism began from. Each step drew me closer to that conclusion and as the tense deliberation was churning my nerves, it was finally realized who this stunning beauty was.

For seven months this face have I not seen and as I did perturbed glance, the blossom of the lost years was realized. The dark angel she was that to light she had been brought, and Jewell was her name that didst glide past me. In her eyes I did glance but no contact was given and my usual self I did sit, without conversation or vital acknowledgment. It has been seven months and still I think about Jewell in such glorification. To think, that yesterday I conjured such an aspiration that I thought I did see her at Leumeah Station and here I sat, one day after, the reality of such.

Jewell Walks Past

As Jewell passed me, shedding no falsehood or bearing no remembrance, she passed me by. Her eyes and her actions I do remember and for strange peculiarity, I do presume that she had seen me but just didn’t know how to react. When she passed me I realized that I really wanted to talk to her because so much of my life had been drawn to that one moment of remembrance.

That to fantasies passing to finally bring reality, with time it had emerged and made me a better person. As her figure kept walking I looked at her, ignoring conversation that the older lady was asking who sat on the next bench. She was completely oblivious to my trance-like state at watching my past walk by, my future distorting with each step. Then, to see her disappear into the twin cinema complex right at the end of the road. I honestly feel that she walked past me to discern whether or not it was truly me, and she was conclusive with realization.

Unfazed I did appear but as I clutched my face in my hands, a piece from every portion of time I did relinquish. My hopes were that Jewell would walk past me again so that I would be able to look at her one last time but I knew that I had no courage to speak out to her. Her face, so vacant when walking past, I did not care think to disturb it. All I could hear around my tense body was the wind whispering thoughts into my ear.

How I looked when Jewell walked past me compared to how beautiful she did look showed our comparative differences. Yet, with these oddities we somehow belong to each other’s eyes, for one mind to suppress all boundaries that need be not done. Jewell brought back my memories that were never extinguished but did lose their glow in the barren embers. Breathing a deep sigh of reminiscent memories I knew that her walking past without backward glances meant my idealism would be without entity forever.

Jewell Sits Beside Me

Taking a glance towards the cinemas every now and again I would hope Jewell would make her way back towards me. That she did as I noticed her walking back up towards me and past me. At first I thought to myself “Shit” because I didn’t want Jewell to see me how I was. I felt below her but I should have known, true beauty was not in sight, but in reverence.

As Jewell neared me I feared to look in her direction so I kept my head looking towards the direction she was headed and away from her. However, I was surprised and thankful of her heartfelt sundering of my curiosity that she decided to accompany me. “Hello,” she uttered, as the wind blew her rapturous hair.

Seating herself down right next to me I did not take in the full beauty of her existence before me until she had finally left. In the times where she disappeared from my sight and I knew those moments should to cherished thoughts be. Being slightly subdued in what I began to talk about, I found that our conversation was rewarding.

Jewell told me how she was down in Campbelltown to get her hair colored to a further blonde, something I realized straight off. Jewell also told me how her mum was picking her up and that’s why she used the phone. “You know I don’t come to Campbelltown often,” she remarked and as I said the same thing, she didn’t believe me at first but soon we realized how fateful our meeting had been.

At times through our conversation we had pauses as the whole experience was new and slightly intimidating to both of us but I never felt uncomfortable as I’m sure neither did Jewell. In those times we just put a big smile on our faces and by the view of what I could see from Jewell, she was glad to be talking with me and seeing me again.

Words I Held Back

This reunion did proud my thoughts and I feel it has distorted my feelings for Jewell but the distortion does favor me. However, right now I wish that Jewell would pick up her phone and give me a call so that we can be friends once again but I fear that will never happen. Not because she doesn’t want to but because I decided to restrain my feelings and allow Jewell to speak the joining words if she felt it. It looked as if Jewell didn’t get all she wanted to say but now I will never know. I wondered if Jewell thought of me as I thought about her but yet, those answers will not be unraveled.

I did not gorge with compliment nor yield to feeble enticement, for words and thought were without each other and any other would amiss my will. Although I wanted to create that long missing link between Jewell and myself, I held back because I didn’t want to overstep our conversation. Call it stubborn or a reenactment of that scene in ‘My Best Friend’s Wedding’ but I failed to allow my heart speak to Jewell.

For ten or more minutes I got to glance, talk, reminisce and love what idealism I had made of Jewell and those parting moments were sad to my heart but fate had planned it so. Fate had let me nibble with taste from the past in my present state. Fate does not make a glutton of any emotion and so, in my future fate will lend to give. Fate will rupture his own vein to allow me a future of forethought, that I believe Jewell and I have not seen the last of each other.

A New Era Begins

With this new vision of Jewell and all these events that have helped reshape and recreate my life, I do step into another era of remembrance. First there were the days before the lost years and of course, those days themselves. Hence from that period created these receding days of readjustment. Now with my life finally coming in order and this show of faith from fate himself, I am ready to move into my next stage of living.

Thus, with April it will inadvertently begin but I believe the changeover commenced days ago. The actual name I do give to this new era does not breed to my thoughts or heart as yet but soon it will kindle my vision. That I from the darkness have been brought forth, such a tunnel, that to daylight digs up us.