Eyes Fighting Sleep
These eyes weary by the minute and they wink more profusely to the tormenting fatigue that makes them flaccid. The hours do creep by and I wish it to be a later night so that I can get myself some sleep but there are some hours before this transpires. Tonight I won’t be going out but I can expect to hear Keith’s car out the front asking me that very question.
Instead, when I do grow tired and I have comminuted my wakeful hours I will set this nodding head to sleep. Reluctant I am not but to the real world, this nocturnal devouring that is unsettling the normality of my sleep has presumed me reluctant. Where all I seem to do is find time to sleep or time to try and stay awake from sleeping, I must seem reluctant to my surroundings.
Soon ‘Subway’ which is the only surviving existence of nightlife will be far from my grasp because of my sleeping habits. Poetry and Literature seem to be suffering but I will regain composure and from this hole I will emerge brighter. Soon it shall be back to compiling data but this work is to help prolong my tired state so that normality can once again ensue. Today an extra couple of hours, tomorrow, the world…
Last Night’s Dream
As much as I feel this to be a chorea as much as a nuisance, I shall speak of my latest dream. Within these minutes where my eyelids fear to drop and I twitch at the excitement of sleep, I shall entice these pages with last night’s reveries. The dream (Although not recognized until later) was set in the not too distant future, around the time when the Olympics are here.
The main characters were myself, Lyssa and Devon, the guy who works near Lyssa and likes her but acts like he doesn’t. The reality of Lyssa and I not going out with each other was evident in this dream but I still harbored the same jealousies in my dream as I would these days.
Waiting for a Train With Devon
The dream began with the three of us waiting for a train near the City and knowing that Devon was catching the train home with us brought a venomous sigh to my frame. Resentful to the fact that he was sticking around I didn’t care too much or show it.
Lyssa was tired and nodding off while we were waiting for a train and what surprised me is how some stranger just sat right next to her, put his head on her shoulder and slept there. Through my mind constantly I wanted to rearrange his face for being so up-front but I didn’t want my envy to shine through. Lyssa didn’t even look like she realized he was there and as they both had their eyes closed and were sleeping I just stood there, watching.
Walking Away Through the Carriages
The train arrived seconds later and as the three of us jumped up to enter Lyssa still didn’t recognize the guy who was sleeping on her shoulder with such emotional closeness. Still angered at her not noticing him enough to reject the stranger I decided not to sit with Lyssa and Devon. As I began to walk up the carriage Lyssa nodded off to sleep again, she didn’t notice me walking away.
This to me signaled a personal vendetta and walking the carriages was my way of protesting. Making my way to the other end of the train I remember the scene still being of a train but it resembling a classroom in a significant way. Everyone was sitting on separate tables and walking to the front of the classroom I peered out the window only to find it was starting to pour rapidly.
It was around this time that I realized we were headed to the Olympic Stadium. Thoughts raced through my head that for some reason we were all stopping here so I started to make my way quickly back to Lyssa’s carriage.
Strangely and without interpretation, I pulled out a pillow from somewhere and tried to lodge my hand between the pillow cushions for some reason. Why I would need padding on my hands I don’t know but it could have been to push people out of the way as I made my haste to the first carriage. The pillow over the hand reminded me of what dog trainers use when teaching their dogs to bite but I seemed to have ripped it off after the first carriage.
Running in the Rain
Pouring rain continued with more force as did my enlarged footsteps. As the train began slowing down to reach Olympic Park Station I sped up my run hoping that I would make it to Lyssa before we stopped. I’m under the impression that I had tickets for the Olympics or I had a surprise for Lyssa and I to be there. This notion of a surprise would explain my envy at someone sleeping on Lyssa’s shoulder and my objection of Devon catching our train. Maybe it signals that I wanted to make Lyssa happy but I didn’t feel the sense that I wanted to go back out with her.
Finally arriving to the last carriage but on the opposite end to where Lyssa had first been I pushed my way through the people who had already made their way to the opening doors. The train had now come to a halt at the station and as I made my way to where Lyssa had been sitting I noticed she had disappeared as did Devon. Before the doors could get a chance to close I leapt out of the train and looked toward the large crowd heading towards the stairs.
Peering into that crowd I couldn’t see Lyssa or Devon so I quickly ran up some small stairs back to the train. Large steps I did take as the doors were just about to swing close and in my hurried run I took one last look to see if Lyssa had jumped out. Seconds before the door and amidst their closing I noticed both Devon and Lyssa standing in the midst of the withdrawing crowd so I stopped short of the train.
That my friends was where the dream ended. There is no satisfaction of a finale to what my mind was trying to say because I woke up.
Back to the Data
There you go, that wasn’t too hard for me to accomplish, the burden has now been lifted. I guess then it’s off to the data compilation again so that I will be able to burn some more hours of dullness. Victory will come tonight when I do get to sleep as it will also come with my getting regular with sleep. This conforming will help get my mind back into poetry and it will help me get back on track for a healthier lifestyle. Let me anon to work, to eat and then to rest for another day…
Diary Of A Mad Chaos is a daily diary written from March 1996 until today, of which individual books and book series have been created, namely “The Lost Years” an exploration of young, entwined love, the “Wubao In China (猎艳奇缘)” book series which provides an extensive comparative analysis of the cultural differences between Eastern and Western societies, and the book titled “Foreigner (华人)” an exploration of race relations in Australia.
