A Leather Jacket and an Unpaid Loan (Part 1) – Mad Chaos: April 23, 1999

A Month Running Out

This month has but a week to conclude and yet I haven’t started to move the wheels for this month. There is but one more week before resolutions will wind-up an obscured month that was more mishap than misfortune. These walls are my haven, these thoughts my sanctuary and these fingers my livelihood, for without them I would be without sustenance.

For without these hands, consider me a strayed sheep, a sunken pebble, a fallow tree. As I look outside from within this shelter for my thought, I see beauty that would not be without the presumption of my mind. What a world I am missing out on, but what a world I am creating with these harbored talents. It can only be a matter of time until these two lives fuse, where my seasons will blossom in every step I take and every corner of my mind. However, dark harvest dwells this month, for that I have nothing accredited but a oneself-loss into nocturnal traits.

Dry Leaves and an Empty Wallet

To talk of highlights this month would be wasteful as the contrast would be broader arising. The seedlings of this month were but a wise spending and indeed, not a wasted youth. As leaves did dry and days did bronze a cloud of prodigal obscurity did loom and to now it has not left me.

The only adventurous saunters this month were created by fate, in which it did mock me afterwards. Speaking of the job I was lined up with in the City, it fell through and back to my sudden reality I was flung. This cloud did seep slowly into my month and it did overwhelm with this first instance.

For this whole month I don’t even think I’ve been out to a nightclub and I can’t even remember the last time a group of us went out to a nightclub together. Fate was cruel to ridicule me with Ralf and our attempts to have a good time at nightclubs, well-nigh of heartless.

Having no money has also been a slur to my productivity as it has dampened my creativity but I survive as a pendulant to hope. Tuesday will see me once again getting paid and I will be sensible as to how I disburse that wealth. Arrears would see me paying off a considerable amount to my Credit Card, which will be a better part of all my future denominations. Who knows how else I will dispose of my money, let us just see when the time arrives.

Spell Checking Two Years Done

As you would have undoubtedly noticed, this entry is again at an earlier time than my habitual practice. This is due to my finally sleeping at 5:00 p.m. and getting up at 2:00 a.m. early this morning. Within the time of my completing my last entry and prior to my falling asleep I worked ceaselessly at my data compilation.

I remember writing that I would be finished spell checking all the diary entries within two weeks but at the rate I am going right now I would consider it to be finished by Sunday. Within my last big effort I spell-checked almost a whole year and now I am up to 1998, two years complete. This goes to show that if you have strive and are dedicated, accomplishment is as good as in the bag. Additionally, if you want something done properly, you have to do it yourself (Take note David’s, the people I worked for last).

Lessons From the Waterbed

Getting now to some of the lesser idiosyncrasies of this month, let me begin with my sleeping habits. There was a time when the floor was more commonly used for sleep in spite of my waterbed because the waterbed was getting too uncomfortable. Nowadays things have once again shifted. The floor this month has been used sporadically and for the last couple of nights I have been sleeping solely on my waterbed.

The fact that it’s much colder now as we head into winter would serve as a great parenthetical explanation for cuddling up to the warmth of a waterbed. The troubles that are usually associated with sleeping on a waterbed have also seemed to disappear. My hands no longer attract the pins and needles sensation but rather I am drawn to a good sleep because I am relaxed by the warmth.

Amazing isn’t it, what you can teach your subconscious to do in the middle of sleep. There was a time when my neck would ache, my bones would creak and my body would distort resulting from my lack of awareness during sleep but through these mistakes I have learnt and taught myself. I have taught myself to sleep on my left arm’s side, where I don’t alternate from this position for the brunt of the night.

Lyssa Rings Before Midday

Away from my disgruntled sleeping habits, let me speak of my awakenings. As you know, I woke up this morning at 2:00 a.m. and for the remainder of the morning I worked a labor of love on my computer. This has continued for the whole day except for the time that I had myself something to eat and when I was given a lift to Campbelltown and back by dad to hand in my form.

There was one other time that I stopped wielding to manipulation and that’s when Lyssa gave me a call. The time was nearing midday and my eyes, just like now, were sluggish. Somnolent as I was, I answered the phone and it wasn’t no surprise that Lyssa would be calling me so early.

However, Lyssa’s call was strictly business at first as she asked me if she could somehow redeem the money she had lent me by that night. “When do you get paid from your job” she asked. Deliberating an answer in my mind I knew Lyssa was going to ask for money I just didn’t have so I replied “If all goes right, I should be getting paid tomorrow”.

Hearing a sigh from Lyssa she told me how she needed money to head out tomorrow night with her work friends. The dilemma was that she only had a couple of dollars to her name because she bought herself a leather jacket from Hound Dog. This is the same jacket that Lyssa used to wear when I first met her, a jacket she endears so much. This was also a jacket that cost her $270, half of the money which she got from her dad who sent a cheque by mail.

Lyssa and the Leather Jacket

It makes me laugh to know Lyssa hasn’t enough planning or organization skills to remember to save some money for the weekend. Here’s Lyssa lending money off her dad and then spending her whole pay on a jacket. Saving wasn’t even thought about and in the end, Lyssa was putting all her cards on me to come through with money on the day. Personally, I think it was a bit rude for Lyssa to ask her dad for money, spend all her money and then bank on me to get more money.

When I informed Lyssa that I had no money she urged “Can you ask your parents if they have any money”. This to me was being a bit too persistent but Lyssa didn’t show no sign of quitting. At one stage Lyssa was saying to me “Oh don’t worry about paying me back” but I always knew that she would keep this looming over my head for an eternity. If I had lent a penny from Lyssa she would be as remembering as an owl and as striking as a vulture but lending money to Lyssa is like hiding money in a negligent Swiss account.

If Lyssa would be reminiscent of anyone else’s trait she would have to remind me of Keith’s dealings with money. Lend Keith money and don’t expect him to remember to give it back. However, as soon as dollar notes leave Keith’s lending hand, expect him to be barking “When do I get my money back” every second hour of the day. Lyssa isn’t to those extremities but when it comes to claiming owed money and buying leather jackets she is impatient to the point of restless annoyance.

The Same Call Twice

The phone just bellowed another annoying ring a couple of minutes ago, it was Lyssa again. The time was around 1:45 p.m. and of course, the subject was about money again. Déjà vu it seemed to be as I thought this conversation took place earlier in the day, actually maybe it did. I’m struggling to remember when Lyssa actually called me but I do believe now that it was yesterday. Thus, my perception that Lyssa called me today just before midday was indeed on Thursday.

The nature of that call was to see if I could meet her in Campbelltown so I could give her $20 for the weekend but of course, I didn’t have it and couldn’t ask my parents for it. That phone call was made at lunchtime and today’s phone call was also made at lunch time so I come to a weary conclusion that there were only two calls, yesterday and the one just now, déjà vu alright.

The reason for today’s call was for Lyssa to share a new idea. “I’m going shopping tomorrow for DJ’s birthday, is it alright if I came past with Kieran to pick up the money” she pushed. Now Lyssa didn’t need the money for Friday night but she was banking on me once again to be the benefactor for supplying birthday present money.

Lyssa was wearing out her exorbitant requests as I had no money to my name but I uttered “I’m not sure if I’ll get paid tomorrow but you’ll get your money if I do”. The world knows that cash-flow won’t be coming my way until Tuesday but I just can’t put myself up to it to share with Lyssa my revealing news.