The Taxi That Ended Saturday Morning (Part 3) – Mad Chaos: January 18, 1999

A Weekend Spoiled by Friday

I really feel that this weekend that was to celebrate my birthday has delivered me nothing but empty emotions and barren feelings because of Friday night. If Lyssa just slept over without pulling that bullshit then I wouldn’t have had such a frown on the rest of the weekend and right now I would love typing here. That one blow to my esteem really ruined it for the rest of the weekend.

I must also speak here what I was talking to Lyssa about tonight. I mentioned to Lyssa that because of my year and more with her I forgot how to be my charming self and my smooth ways. Being around Lyssa for that long made me humble, mostly due to the fights we had and the selfish acts of Lyssa that made me shut my lip in hopes of Lyssa one day coming through.

In the same breath I brought Lyssa out and Lyssa mentioned that with that she has been more open with the opposite sex. So she’s chatting away with guys down at clubs and they’re doing the same but when it comes to me Lyssa is more judgmental to my needs.

Fear of Approaching Girls

Now I blame that softening in our relationship to my timid attitude towards girls and I really believe that I am afraid to approach girls because I think they would all treat me like Lyssa. At a nightclub I’m under the impression and am always told of how Lyssa and Penelope are snobs to people who try and talk to them.

From that I’ve grown anxious to let out my smooth charm from back in the day that led me to land Jewell, Phoenix, Lyssa and many others. I see resentment in everyone that I want to dance with, to talk to. I see them knocking me back or laughing in my face. I see Lyssa.

Behind on the Chronology

Now I still haven’t talked about Saturday morning let alone that night for my birthday and everything that happened on Sunday. This has been a full week for me and even though it has been just that I am still not elated to the fact that I should have had a good time this weekend. I did have a great time but that only happened when Lyssa wasn’t around to stress me out.

And even though Lyssa wasn’t anywhere near me on Saturday and Sunday the all too clear thoughts of my fantasy once again being rejected and Lyssa taking advantage of me was all too clear to forget. Well, I was too bummed to write about it on Saturday night to save myself the evident ridicule of not coming through with the goods to this Diary. I’m still bummed now and that’s why I haven’t even gotten past Friday night yet but I can be sure that when I wake up I will have plenty to talk about.

Monday 11:58 p.m.

Tonight I got so drowsy from eating Fried Rice that I had to lay to sleep for an hour. Luckily for my diary and anxiety Lyssa gave me a call around 11:15 p.m. tonight to say goodnight to me. Considering I haven’t explained the happenings of the last few days you won’t know what kind of mood Lyssa and I had in our last conversation but let me try and emphasize. Better yet, it won’t make sense and it will take too long to make sense of it so let’s just get to the long awaited chronology while I have the speed to do so.

Saturday Morning Calm

Saturday morning should be where we are in our chronology to date. Before I speak about that let me just remind myself that Lyssa was talking in her sleep again Friday night and I’m not too sure what it was about but I can remember that Lyssa was asking for something in her sleep. Anyway, when Saturday morning arrived there was an unusual calm about the both of us. For hours into the morning we would sleep intentionally and as that proceeded I received a phone call.

Ralf was ringing me up to know if I wanted to head down to Wollongong Beach with him and Keith. Considering the circumstances I was already in I thought not to be rude to Lyssa and tell her she would have to leave soon even though she’s done that to me once or twice before at her house and at mine. Telling Ralf that I was still sleepy I told him I couldn’t go with them and with that we said goodbye.

Shower to Wash Off Stress

Lyssa didn’t really show any interest in the telephone call but a few words. When I informed Lyssa that they invited me to the beach she didn’t say anything and she didn’t tell me “Oh you should have gone, it would have been fun for you.” Pretty much after that telephone conversation I told Lyssa I was going to have a shower and the reason I had done that was to relieve some stress.

The reason I say that is because Lyssa promised me what she couldn’t give me in the morning and seeing her dragging along the day and trying to avoid conversation with me was just stressing. I knew Lyssa didn’t want to do anything and I knew I didn’t want to say anything to Lyssa about it therefor I found a twenty minute shower relieving.

Once I was out of the shower I made it to my bedroom and walking in I found Lyssa applying her makeup in the mirror. Asking if Lyssa was heading home she said “Soon” and that just pissed me off all the more. I knew that in between now and that soon there was not going to be enough time for her promise. Subdued was my attitude towards Lyssa as I tried not interacting with her as it would only stress me all the more.

Lyssa then said to me “You should have gone with Ralf to the beach” and it pissed me off where I felt like saying “Well, you should have said that when he called me.” What was more selfish was that Lyssa then remarked “I’m going to go home soon and swim in my pool” and even though Lyssa loosely invited me over she knew I wouldn’t want to walk all the way back home in the heat.

The Greasy Sandwich Argument

Some time passed as we watched television and Lyssa was starving as she asked for something to eat. Now it’s known that Lyssa doesn’t like much of the food in my house but she likes the sandwiches and that’s what I walked upstairs to make. When complete I brought it down on a plastic plate knowing there was a slight bit of grease on it but trying to clean it off. Lyssa took one look at the sandwich and how it was on some grease and she told me she wasn’t hungry anymore.

I myself didn’t want to eat because I was stressed out, that’s the reason I didn’t bring any food down for myself. Lyssa bickered about the sandwich and she even tried making me go down to the shops for her to buy some food while she waited but I saw that once again as selfish. Lyssa and I only slightly bickered but I gathered Lyssa only engaged in an argument so she could postpone my thoughts about sexuality.

Dialing a Taxi

The time reached 1:00 p.m. when Lyssa reached for the telephone. Dialing a Taxi I knew that there was now no hope for my fulfillment. Lyssa only knew that she got her orgasm and she didn’t deliver any back to me and you would think with that in your mind you would at least aim to please. It’s like me buying Lyssa a Porsche for her birthday and in return she drives as far away from me as humanly possible, how cold is that.

I’m pissed off that Lyssa didn’t only break her promise at Chili’s when she said she would go down on me but she’d done it twice. When Lyssa rang that Taxi she knew what she had to do for me in the morning but she done the thing that pisses me off the most, she tried to shrug it off by not talking.

For minutes Lyssa just sat in my room watching television as I tried to act normal even though I felt crushed. Lyssa must have felt some shame for what she had done but she was doing a great job in not revealing her sympathy. There was no compassion in Lyssa’s ways and for that I snobbed her off after she made a telephone call. Lyssa asked if I would like to wait outside with her but I just sat on the floor watching television and swaying my head from side to side.

Lyssa wasn’t sure what to do and she put on a sad face as she knelt down to give me a kiss on the cheek. Not even bothering to try because of my resentment I watched Lyssa walk out my bedroom door and almost immediately after the Taxi arrived and Lyssa was off home. When Lyssa left I thought to call the first fourteen days of this year ‘The fortnight of Solitude’ and then the days leading to my birthday as ‘The Bettered Worsening’.

Hours of Solitude Alone

Trying to give Keith and Ralf a call to see if they had left yet I was left alone in my hours of solitude as they did not pick up. Lyssa was by now relaxing at her house, swimming in her pool on this hot day and without a care about me. Lyssa could have easily stayed at my house for a couple of hours longer but she used the excuse of arguing about food to get home and away from her promise.

For those couple of hours on Saturday I guess I could have written in my Diary and if I did I wouldn’t need to be writing this right now but I was too pissed off and stressed out to do so. For the next couple of hours I think I just watched some television and I was surprised and angered that Lyssa didn’t bother to call me for the most of the day. Lyssa made a promise with me that if I didn’t head out for Saturday night to celebrate my birthday me and her would go out together to celebrate.

I knew those were just words when Lyssa called me around 8:30 p.m. while Ralf and I were trying to work out what was going on for the night. Lyssa just wanted to know if I had myself something to do for the night but if I didn’t Lyssa wouldn’t have really cared as she was headed to Molly’s Tavern at Camden for the night. I’m sure that Lyssa would have just felt bad for me but still gone out with her friends instead of coming out with me, I’m sure of it.