An Hour Into the Night
It had been nearly an hour into our night and yet no mention of Lyssa fulfilling her promise of oral sex. Nor did I ask Lyssa to fulfill her promise but rather I hoped Lyssa would just come around and start moving her hands to the right places. That wasn’t to be and as I started holding Lyssa’s breasts from under her shirt she asked if I would kiss them for a while. Gladly agreeing to this and hoping that it would get Lyssa into the mood to satisfy me I just gathered that Lyssa needed some satisfaction of her own first.
As I just started kissing Lyssa’s nipples and circling my tongue around that area she responded very well to the stimulation. After a short while I had the option of just stopping in hopes that Lyssa would take over in returning a favor but I thought it would be great if I could also make Lyssa go off. Kissing and licking Lyssa down towards her belly button and around that area I made her squirm with excitement. The ticklish sensation that Lyssa was getting as I kissed and nibbled on her sides was making her horny.
Making my way back up to Lyssa’s nipples I worked my way to her neck kissing that for a main part of the time as well as her ears. Lyssa was loving the attention and so I told her to place her hand upon herself so that with all this stimulation we could make her go off. This whole array of stimulation ranging from Lyssa’s neck to kissing up and down her stomach to her boobs was great foreplay and Lyssa was eating it all up.
For the first time in our lives I made Lyssa orgasm without penetrating and without touching her anywhere near her clitoris. Rather with my licking and kissing all over Lyssa’s body and her continual stimulation with her fingers rubbing contently we sent her over the top.
Lyssa loved her orgasm and when it was all over Lyssa also told me she loved every part of my stimulation. On top of that, I personally loved where I held Lyssa’s boobs as tight as I could and as close as I could together so I could lick both nipples almost simultaneously or one after the other. Lyssa also seemed to love it but probably not as much as me.
Not a Word of Thanks
When our action was over, funnily enough Lyssa once again stated that she was getting tired. This to me sounded selfish to hear this from Lyssa’s mouth instead of “Okay, how do you want me to make you go off.” After all, I did go way out of my way into doing something for Lyssa I had never done before and all I get for a thanks is “I’m sleepy.” Lyssa was just trying to prolong what was the inevitable for as long as she could but I was starting to get furious at the prospect that Lyssa would sneak away from yet another responsibility.
As time passed and Lyssa kept to herself in trying to get to sleep I started once again fondling with her. It was in this time that I asked Lyssa if she would mind going down on me and as her eyes opened up she had a sense of stress about her. You could hear her mind sighing as she gained enough courage to say “Only if you don’t take too long.” My greatest experience to be was cut short to a ‘Make it quick’ experience and that pissed me off.
What else pissed me off was that I knew Lyssa would come back drunk and she wouldn’t want to do anything. What really got my tempers boiling was the fact that I spent half an hour trying to give Lyssa an orgasm out of nothing (and she originally just asked me to kiss her boobs), not saying a thing about how long it was taking or complaining about my own needs. Yet, here was Lyssa after promising that she would go down on me trying to back out and asking that I don’t take long, what kind of a respected return is that.
A Dream Cut Short
Lyssa moped her way down towards me and taking her position she started informing me how she so much didn’t want to do this. I would have rather have had Lyssa never mention anything about going down on me than leading me on and then stopping short of anything, what a tease. Lyssa began with her hand and if my eyes were open all I would see was Lyssa’s remorseful face and what’s worse, she wanted to do it. I swear my member was clean as a fiddle when Lyssa licked it for the first time in six months and as she did my libido jumped through the roof.
Alas, Lyssa started to complain about the taste and how it didn’t appeal to her. As much as that started to turn me off Lyssa and I both tried to put it off. I asked Lyssa if she wanted me to have another shower for her benefit but she just continued as if she was forced upon it. Before going down on me a second time Lyssa made it clear that she was feeling sick just thinking about it and without going down on me a second time Lyssa told me she couldn’t go through with it.
“Is there anything else I could do for you” Lyssa asked me as she quickly moved away, I knew my dream was over. Rather, my dream had been crushed and with my libido still high I said “Well, seeming we can’t have sex all we can do is for you to give me a hand job or for me to place myself in between you.” I announced that sentence as if receiving those two royalties was pointless and for how dejectedly worse a hand job would have made me.
Sleep Does Not Come Easy
Lyssa lay beside me and echoing the words “Listen, tomorrow when we wake up I’m going to give you the best oral sex ever, I don’t care if I have to block my nose or whatever, I’m doing it” she lay to sleep. Lyssa asked if I was angry and without saying much more than a couple of words I just informed her that she shouldn’t have gone through with something she knew she couldn’t do.
Lyssa was under no pressure at all or at least, she shouldn’t have thought so. When all the talk was over I knew that Lyssa wasn’t even going to try and fulfill me for the night and I knew without that I wouldn’t be able to sleep. Here’s Lyssa, who got herself an orgasm from nothing, out of my decency and when it came to Lyssa fulfilling her side of the wager she couldn’t go through with it and left me hanging for the rest of the night.
Well, I’m afraid to say it once again but when Lyssa had gone to sleep and I knew I couldn’t get to sleep I jumped into the shower. It was here that without any emotion or feeling I shook the feeling out of my body, I got rid of my libido in the only way I knew possible, I done it myself. Believe me, there was absolutely no pride in having it done myself when Lyssa was just in the next room and I only wish that Lyssa knew what she made me do, what she put me through.
Lying back down with Lyssa who knew in her sleep that I had gone to the toilet but not remembering I didn’t hug her for more than a couple of seconds to get her back to sleep. Turning myself into the corner more angry at Lyssa than ashamed I got myself to sleep much easier.
Even though I had cleared my urges from my body my mind was still trapped wondering what did I ever do to deserve this. Because of that resentment towards Lyssa I couldn’t get to sleep and because of that I was stuck listening to ‘The Phantom Of The Opera’ very lightly as Lyssa slept. Half an hour after that I turned off the music and got myself to sleep, the time was 4:00 a.m.
Pattern of Giving First
For as far as I’ve known, since Lyssa got her job she has always been selfish in her ways and I’ve always fallen into the trap of pleasuring her first. The reason I always tend to pleasure Lyssa first and instigate sex is that I want to pleasure Lyssa and make her go off but when that is done I hope to get what is coming to me.
But, making Lyssa go off just to get my just desserts has proved not to be effective and it’s not worth it. With each passing day that Lyssa decides to be selfish, be it in bed or with other matters like money, I build up more and more resentment. Each passing day that resentment for Lyssa builds up with her continually letting me down and now I’m up to the point where I can’t take it anymore.
Selfless to a Flaw
My main problem is that I’ve always been selfless to a flaw and that in turn lets Lyssa walk her hooves all over me. Lyssa always speaks how my friends don’t know how to be true friends in the essence of give and take but I think that she should look at herself before she judges others.
I always let Lyssa take advantage of me and even though I sit here and complain in this Diary and to my mind I always go back to my old ways in being gullible to Lyssa’s promises. Well, this time her deceit has really started to wear thin and even though Lyssa is playing dumb about her not going down on me and we haven’t talked about it yet… she knows my dilemma.
Diary Of A Mad Chaos is a daily diary written from March 1996 until today, of which individual books and book series have been created, namely “The Lost Years” an exploration of young, entwined love, the “Wubao In China (猎艳奇缘)” book series which provides an extensive comparative analysis of the cultural differences between Eastern and Western societies, and the book titled “Foreigner (华人)” an exploration of race relations in Australia.
