The Power Cut That Ate My Sonnet (Part 1) – Mad Chaos: January 25, 1999

A Heavy Kind of Tired

Another day passed and another day that I don’t feel at all to my best. My confidence is dragging in the mud, I’m emotionally distraught, mentally I couldn’t even think of a way out of this mess and physically I feel a tiny bit off. These last couple of days (Probably starting from when my Diary entries started lagging behind about a week ago now) have been strenuous on me.

To my mind they have been torturous knowing that I have to write an abundance of information for days I have missed out and emotionally I have been more drained as I know I don’t really want to write about all the bad facets in such detail. Writing about the bad points in my life and how it has been going downhill, how ‘I can’t do this’ or ‘I can’t talk to this person’, it just starts getting to you. These days of my life I just want to take it easy emotionally and mentally.

I feel that because of my downcast mood, these past few days I haven’t been able to talk properly to people and maintain my healthy conversational self. Rather, I feel that I should be hiding at home away from civilization as my mind doesn’t want to take in too much. These last two nights have been great and this weekend has been full of action but there is also the downside. That downside being the crumbling that I am making of the relationship between Lyssa and I.

A Poem Born in Bed

Before I begin once again on my recent chronology and get into detail about my events and emotions let me just recite a poem that I thought to write after my last entry. As you know, my last entry ended around 8:00 a.m. yesterday morning and as soon as I put my head to the pillow I started thinking about how stupid and pathetic I was not to be able to speak to that girl outside of ‘Waves’.

Then I thought how I found it so much easier to write poetry to people in order to get my feelings across and how it would be so much easier if I could just hand them notes and not say a thing to make detrimental what I am trying to get across. With these thoughts, I produced a line or two of poetry in my mind and jumping up as not to forget I wrote them on a fresh piece of paper. Now because I was in my negative state of mind but where it was calming for a safe passage of proper thinking, I thought there was no time like the present to finish my poem.

Therefor, I turned on my computer and started typing away to what sounded like some great poetical lines. But what would you know, Murphy’s Law came into practice. ‘What can go wrong will go wrong’ is one of Murphy’s Laws and after half an hour of typing and thinking up six to eight lines of poetry the computer just turned off. This surprised me and looking at everything else electrical I noticed they were all switched off as well. It was raining outside lightly and I realized that there was a power surge.

Power Returns, Poem Does Not

Seconds later the power came back on in my room and I hoped to God that my poetry had been saved. Hoping also that I had continually pressed the save button while typing as I usually do, the fingers were crossed as I watched the computer load back up. The screen for lost information came up and I pressed to save that information.

I’ve done this countless times when I’ve lost information and every time I have been able to retrieve that lost information but Murphy’s Law was at play. It turns out that after a hectic search time and time again, I could not find the saved file. So, either I done something wrong in saving it or the computer just done a one-off stupid thing of not saving when it said it did.

What pissed me off more was that when I checked my normal file to see if I had saved some of the information I was stunned to find nothing of the sorts saved at all of my poem. This pissed me off to say the least because I had some real great lines in my poetry but after that I tried to quickly piece together what I had written. Sadly I didn’t come up with an exact match to my old words and I don’t like this poem as much as I would have of the original but that’s life.

The poem that was lost in the power failure had the potential of being a Sonnet but in these last couple of hours I have only been able to savor six lines. The first line is the only line that I can truly say is of the original where the second line is almost exact. The rest is just made up jargon but let’s hope it’s good jargon…

The Poem as It Stands

I compose fine poems in many a count,

That gorge with compliment thy beauteous cheek,

These courting words inked here shalt never harsh mount,

This piteous tongue that fears brazen to speak,

Prithee thou one day, from my fond lips do hear,

Words which danced in your mind be sung to your ear,

Back to the Chronology

Anyway, let me now start with my dreaded chronology. You know, this Diary wouldn’t be so bad if I was just up to date but, it seems that I’m always finding a way to lag behind in the times. Now I hope that these words will become present with my thoughts and events but that will only have me staying awake for the rest of the morning, half asleep.

Ralf Rings Twice

Now, Saturday morning is what we shall begin with. The first thing that Lyssa and I were woken up to was the phone ringing. Upon answering in my drowsy state I found it was Ralf on the other end. Just from hearing my voice Ralf knew that I was practically dead to the world. Wanting to know what I was doing, I told him I was sleeping and that I would call him back when I woke myself up.

Ralf had no problem with letting me get back to sleep and as I hung up the phone Lyssa turned to face me while sleeping. Getting back to sleep neither Lyssa or I wanted to get out of our bed made on the floor. Be it tired or just not knowing what was in store for us, neither of us were game enough to be the early risers.

A Sleepy Saturday Afternoon

The time crept up to 2:00 p.m. and this was around when I started to wake up. Ralf decided to once again give me a call at this time of the day but knowing that I was keeping Lyssa company and I didn’t want to head out, I pretended I was still dreadfully tired. Well, I was tired and I didn’t feel like waking up anyway but I just feigned being sleepier than I was.

“What do you need” I asked Ralf because I gathered he wouldn’t be calling me so persistently if he didn’t want anything. Either Ralf wanted me to head out somewhere with him or he needed some favor. Later in the day I found out that Ralf headed to Richmond to cash in a certificate to buy a CD. Ralf probably wanted me to head out with him to buy this CD but of course, he didn’t ask and I didn’t bother to wake up and make it my priority.

Hugs but No Plans

Lyssa and I finally decided to rub our eyes and open our gaze to the new day. Still lying on the floor but with our eyes now open Lyssa and I weren’t very emotional towards each other but we did hug once or twice. Lyssa and I weren’t sexual at any time that Saturday morning before heading off to sleep but ever so slowly I started to change my mind. Not wanting Lyssa to walk all over me again, I didn’t want to get into a sexual encounter even though it could have been sex.

The reason for this is that Lyssa gets the best from me every time we are together. Lyssa receives my attention, my lips, my fingers, my shaft, my domination, these ever wandering kisses, this affection and my oral stimulation. All this amounts to Lyssa going off in a spectacular fashion but in return, my usual deserving is a hand job at best. So I didn’t want Lyssa to get the best of me and then for her to walk over me and not care about my needs.

Second Thoughts Under the Blanket

Before Lyssa went to sleep for the night she asked to change out of her clothes. Having no pants to give to her, she just wore my shirt without a bra and her G-String underneath. Myself, after trying to sleep in my Hound Dog pants I took them off and was naked under our blanket. Placing my hand around Lyssa’s waist to hug her I started thinking that it wouldn’t be that bad if I just went out to satisfy my needs.

Starting to get aroused and with Lyssa lying on the ground with her back to me and my Chest up against it, I started edging unnoticeably closer. Some minutes into my sensual planning I grabbed myself (As hard as I was) and placed myself firmly to where Lyssa would mostly appreciate. At first she was embarrassed and caught by surprise but as I suggested sex to Lyssa she jumped at the opportunity.