A Very Long Night
Phew, how long and tiring this night has been that I write so early in a day that I usually wouldn’t. You see that there is no real gap between today’s entry and that of yesterdays but if you look closer you will find that there is at least a 34 hour difference.
So, either I’d done something on Thursday night in relation to going out and I couldn’t be bothered typing in my computer or someone came over my house for a great length of time. Well, if it would help for me to say that I haven’t been to sleep since 4:00 p.m. on Thursday because Shawn spent the whole night over my house then that’s what will be done to give understanding to my long night.
Only now in these finer hours of the afternoon where I would have normally woken up a couple of hours ago I still go without sleep, as nocturnal and crazy as I am. These all-nighters have been seldom placed in my past on given days, today comes another. But first, before I have something to eat and starve my eyes of winking shut for another couple of hours I shall speak of the blank chronology.
Waiting by the Phone
Thursday for me started around 4:00 p.m. and the reason for such a late start was because I went to sleep very late on Thursday morning, around 8:30 a.m. Anyway, upon waking up I realized I didn’t really have much to do so I had something to eat, watched television, turned on the computer, you know, the usual.
Time kept ticking as I started to watch television more and more and as the time crept up to 8:30 p.m. I was wondering if Lyssa was going to think of calling me at all. The night before (Which was Wednesday) I gave Lyssa a call around 8:30 p.m. because she hadn’t called me yet but this time I thought I would stick it out.
Lyssa never ended up calling me on Thursday night or in any part of the day for that matter. On top of that I still haven’t received a phone call from Lyssa but I blame that on her being at work. The reason Lyssa probably didn’t call me yesterday was because she was out with her friends, probably at the pub for Thursday night drinks or even at the movies with my archenemies.
Doubts About Lyssa
Now there is a harsh truth I believe behind Lyssa needing not call me and informing me a night of two ago casually that she doesn’t miss me anymore. I’m not sure if she was being serious but adding up the events recently and the missed call today I feel as if Lyssa is now trying to move on. The reason that Lyssa finally chose now to space herself from me is evident to the finger that I want to point at with but if it is factually correct is yet to be determined.
I feel that after I stopped going down on Lyssa that last sexual night and I was rather less into it and intimate about it Lyssa decided she had enough. That would explain why Lyssa tried kissing me passionately while we were sexual, it was her cry out, it was her last hope, to see if she still had feelings for me or to savor what we once had. I also feel that Lyssa has been using me sexually and in that I have some factual truths.
For one, Lyssa always likes to get what she wants and especially in sex, she doesn’t control the situation but her desires are met. Lyssa I feel tried to get as much as she could out of me after our break while giving the least. Thus, she stopped giving oral sex and still expected her multiple orgasms and my probing tongue. Then, Lyssa stopped making my climax count and usually, after she had gone off she would rest and then forget about pleasing me in any shape or form.
This pissed me off but I would put up with it in hopes that Lyssa would at any time put her hand up and take action. Then came the visits to my house basically to have sex and until that moment when Lyssa received her orgasms the thought of heading home wouldn’t even cross her mind. Once Lyssa had been fulfilled she’s calling for the taxi and I guess I’m the same in that situation but I act more responsibly.
Now, when I stopped giving Lyssa what she wanted sexually, stopped my oral exploits and didn’t compromise on what she wanted to do position-wise I jeopardized her vainness towards sexuality. Now, I feel that Lyssa is not calling me and spending less time telling me how much she misses me because I’m not delivering the goods anymore and in actuality, I’m like an old toy that doesn’t want to work anymore. Treating me like a rag doll and discarding me, Lyssa wants herself a new dole, one that does everything. Thus, she doesn’t need to call me as much, what a shame…
The Real Reason
Late news, I just gave Lyssa a call a couple of minutes ago as she was home from work and I found out a few bits of information helpful to my last paragraph. For one, I asked Lyssa why we didn’t talk last night and the reason that she thought not to call me, I was surprised. It seems that on our conversation Wednesday night just before hanging up I got into one of my sarcastic moods.
Just before hanging up on Lyssa I said in a sarcastic tone “Don’t ring me anymore, ever” and then we both hung up the phone. Lyssa informed me that because I didn’t call her back to tell her that I was just kidding she took me a little more seriously and that’s her reason for not giving me a call on Thursday night. On top of that, Lyssa didn’t go anywhere on Thursday night, she was at home and for the fact of our misinterpreted conversation Lyssa didn’t bother to call me.
“I wasn’t going to call you today either” Lyssa uttered but it was a good thing that I gave her a call. Anyway, Lyssa told me she had to go to the toilet to lose a couple of kilograms and now as usual she’s taken plenty of time to call me back. For that reason, I thought to jump back on about my chronology, here it is…
Diary Of A Mad Chaos is a daily diary written from March 1996 until today, of which individual books and book series have been created, namely “The Lost Years” an exploration of young, entwined love, the “Wubao In China (猎艳奇缘)” book series which provides an extensive comparative analysis of the cultural differences between Eastern and Western societies, and the book titled “Foreigner (华人)” an exploration of race relations in Australia.
