Lost at the New Nightclub (Part 1) – Mad Chaos: January 23, 1999

Vowing to Change

Tonight, this will be the night where finished will be my history. All of these fears inside of me, I will cast them away and forever be changed. It has already started, I have started to clean up the filth known as my life. The beginning comes with understanding, and only with that shall I seek and find the truth within me, the truth within all of us.

Here I sit now, wishing for a better day and a better frame of my mind from what is existent. Here I sit wanting to write of the past and finish it up and here I sit, wanting to be a changed man by changing the man in me.

The New Club at Macarthur Square

Tonight I had seen myself in a somber mood and I had also seen myself in a satisfied disposition. Today I had seen my moving on by heading out to an interview and dressed for the part in the first time for over a year. Tonight I also headed out to the opening of the new nightclub at Macarthur Square and while there my realization came to me silently but now I can hear it. The nightclub I was persuaded to attend and not feeling up to the part I followed along.

While there I noticed many people but I noticed how that scene just wasn’t for me, not for tonight anyway. In the back of my head I knew that Lyssa was going to be there with all her St. Pats friends and I didn’t think nothing of it apart from the thought that Lyssa decided not to give me a call today. That also doesn’t bother me but it’s just the fact that Lyssa won’t care to call because she has something to do.

On the other hand, if Lyssa had nothing to do she would fall back on me with her persistency until she finally comes over my house and on most cases, my night gets ruined either by bickering or by dissatisfying intimate relations on my behalf. Lyssa had a conversation as she walked up to me and her whole attitude turned me off. For one, Lyssa informed me that I looked like a girl with my hair out where everyone else in the group that I arrived with plus many others informed me that my hair was alright. On top of that Lyssa was somewhat drunk and her acting like an ‘As If’ girl, it did nothing for me.

It pissed me off how Lyssa never really has nothing nice to say about me, she always acts like she’s too good with her group of friends and when informing her that Ace was standing behind me she was just being bitchy about him. I keep telling Lyssa that she might find Ace attractive but it’s just the way she answered it thinking she was way too good for him. That’s Lyssa though, she’s the snobby girl that would turn around and snob me off if I was dancing near her and didn’t know her.

A Night That Faded Fast

The day was good and the night was fair but it was getting thin and now I’m pissed off how my night has degraded so fast. If I hadn’t gone out tonight I might have been in a slightly more positive mood but I knew that I would probably miss out on all the great girls if I didn’t make an appearance. The club at Macarthur Square closed at midnight and it was free for only one night but I got dropped off around midnight back home.

Everyone was heading to Chevy’s, that being Keith, Ralf and Ace and I felt like going but then again I didn’t want to. Apart from hating Chevy’s and not wanting to see Lyssa and especially Penelope as she would turn me off dancing I would have liked to see everyone I knew there including Miroslav with Hudson. Regretfully and with contrasting feelings to that I didn’t head to Chevy’s and the only sad point about that is I’m at home alone confiding my dispirited state to this here computer of recognition.

One day I will be a better man and I will make it better for myself. And I know that these memoirs will be the pinnacle of disquisition in many years to come as I will make that be. But for now, let me take one day at a time and rid myself of this horrible void in life by filling it up partly in these here pages, with chronology.

Thursday Begins with a Phone Call

Now, Thursday shall be our topic now and as it is, let us speak about it. My day let I speak began at 2:00 p.m. for me, not by my own liking but by Lyssa deciding to give me a call. For a little while we just chatted away but soon enough Lyssa informed me that she wasn’t at work. Rather, Lyssa stayed home for the day and I think it had to do with her peeing problem.

Our conversation didn’t really consist of too great a range of topics so after a couple of minutes which is usually our length of conversation these days we said goodbye. That’s the funny thing about Lyssa and I, without even knowing it or probably to some master plan of Lyssa’s we are starting to talk to each other less on the phone. That’s a good thing if we eventually want to move on without hurt but it also signals that Lyssa and I have nothing much more to talk about.

All the topics that we chose to speak of are scarce if you take out the gray topics. Those topics I chose not to pay any attention to are her speaking of Penelope, Kieran and Milton trying to be good boys, Ali, her nights out with all her friends and sometimes her woeful days at work and her newest article of clothing. Lyssa I gather doesn’t like when I speak of going out with everyone, Keith and his girlfriend and basically anything that has to do with me looking or responding to another girl.

The Overseas Phone Call Problem

Lyssa eventually had to jump off the phone because there was a knock at the door. “I have to go” Lyssa blurted, “Penelope’s mum is here and she wants to use the phone to ring overseas again.” That pissed me off knowing that Lyssa had taken a day off and Penelope’s mum takes advantage of her being sick, her being alone and her telephone line. That whole family now pisses me off and what pissed me off more is that I tried ringing three times in the next two hours but the line was engaged.

How could Lyssa allow Penelope’s mum to abuse and use her like that. Oh sure, she comes over with a smile and buys Lyssa some perfume for letting her call half way across the world but I don’t think anyone will be smiling if Lyssa one day receives a $2000 bill for one phone call that lasted two hours. I didn’t bother staying on call waiting because I knew that Penelope’s mum wouldn’t bother answering it. If Lyssa just had a bit more confidence within herself to deny Penelope’s mum such a preposterous ask things would be different.

Alas, it seems that Lyssa is only keen on yelling at me and letting out her frustrations my way but that will soon be no more. If I had to ring overseas and I knew about Lyssa’s phone and what it could do I would still only ring for a couple of minutes once or twice every bill just incase payment comes up. Rather, big nose cries on the phone about how her relatives are over there and she’s living the corrupt life over here…

Job Hunting in the Advertiser

When my conversation with Lyssa was over I started to look once again in the Advertiser where I had picked out a couple of jobs to ring. Seeing a Legal Secretary position and one of a Macintosh Inputter for Fairfax newspapers I made some calls. The both of them I did call and with the Legal Secretary position I was asked to send a fax. With the other position my details were just taken down because Tyler being the guy I had to talk to wasn’t there at the time.

A Quiet Call from Imad

Time kept ticking and for Thursday I had nothing to do but dab on my computer and watch television. While watching television I received a call from Imad. Once again he was at work and once again he could only talk for a couple of seconds because once again, he was so busy. All that he really said was that he heard from Penelope that I was getting pretty big now so I gather she got that information because Lyssa told her something like that.

It must have been when they headed out to Penrith Panthers and Lyssa informed everyone in the car that I was huge now. Our conversation was short and Imad was giving me a call back from when I last rang him, a couple of days ago. “Why don’t you give me a call when you’re at home one day” I asked him. “Every time I try ringing you from home you’re always out” Imad replied, fair enough.

Glad I Never Clubbed with Lyssa

Before I move on I’d just like to say that I’m glad I’ve never had to go to a nightclub with Lyssa while we were going out. Seeing Lyssa drunk and acting loud and obnoxious was a major turn off and on top of that I would have gotten angry with the people that tried to pick her up while dancing.

I’d be so bold as to suggest that Lyssa and I probably would have broken up sooner if I went out to nightclubs with her. The reasons would be that I would get sick of her drunken ways and I would get deterred just as I do when she smokes. Sure if was fine seeing Lyssa drunk when she came over my house after a nightclub because it was just me and her but it would be embarrassing for the both of us if she acted the fool in public.

A life of binge drinking on weekends to be sociable and smoking every other time does not attract me at all. There is no way that going out to a nightclub with Lyssa would have its benefits as there will be so much problems through the night outweighing the good. With that passing comment I now stray back to my normal laborious task, writing chronology about Thursday.