Less Confident Friends Make Me Brave (Part 3) – Mad Chaos: January 26, 1999

The Table of Friendly Strangers

Sitting beside Ralf there was the guy that he was talking to be around 26 and Samoan and then there was two other ladies, one who was definitely Samoan. The one sitting next to me but opposite the Samoan guy looked like his woman and the other lady who was sitting opposite me was kind enough to introduce herself and everyone on the table to me. She could probably tell that I was a bit shy of sitting around people that I didn’t know so she made me feel part of the table.

Ralf knew the Samoan guy from his old work and he told me how the both of them once had an arm wrestle for five minutes until Ralf finally won, they were around fifteen years old. To keep me in the conversation the nice lady who looked half Samoan but with some white in her asked about the ‘T’ on my chain. That is the first time someone has ever directly asked about my chain and as I was in a surprised state I quickly answered her question. “This means ‘T’ for Tony, it’s also my faith charm.”

As Ralf chatted away with his friend the ladies asked me about my star sign and when I told them I was Capricorn the lady sitting next to me informed me that she also was. We then went on both to explain how we could be the life of the party and I explained how I don’t drink when they offered me a shot of Midori.

The lady was being extremely pleasant and I admired how she was one to make me feel a part of the group even when Ralf jumped up to talk to Dominic again. Samoan’s are very friendly people I must admit but there is a contrasting flip side to that, very contrastive.

Snooker Out of My Depth

Twenty minutes into conversation we realized that Keith wasn’t going to come. Besides that the lady who’s name I forgot asked if we would all like to play snooker so that way we all had something to do, Ralf and I were fine with that. My only problem was that I didn’t feel totally comfortable being in the position I was the odd one out being a different culture and smaller in stature.

I thought that playing snooker would actually bring more confidence in my conversation and my well being but it was just the same if not a little more anxiety producing. At first it was me and the delightful lady who played partners against Ralf and the Samoan guy. Ralf and the other guy were much better players than myself and my new lady friend but I had fun sinking one ball in the first game and then one ball in the second.

Ralf was doing his usual shit of showing off as we all sat watching on and chatting in the meantime. In this time, to get me out of my timid attitude the lady asked where about in the area did I live and simple questions like that, not dumb one’s like what I said to Gianna when I had first seen her.

Eyes Across the Snooker Room

Playing Snooker for two games where I paired up with Ralf on the second I noticed two girls playing Snooker with some guys on the other table. One of them was blonde and reminded me of the blonde girl on the train for Ralf’s birthday that was on ecstasy. Her hair was done up specially to look slick. It looked like a Roxette haircut where the hair would be designed to reach for the sky but giving a certain new age elegance. She was young and small and I could see a bit of Rhiannon within her.

The other girl had fine brown hair that was to her shoulders, not like the blonde who had short hair that was like an undercut to the top. With a baby blue top on (Or was it white) I noticed her pretty good set as she bent over the Snooker table to let them rest firmly upon it. As she took her shot she didn’t look like a professional but she was sinking more than I was which also made her attractive. She had a skirt on and she didn’t have the best looking of legs but her sincere face and her nicely structured body done it for me.

On top of that, one time I looked at her and our eyes caught across the small room. For a couple of seconds we just looked at each other but I then gave her a little smile and she had done the same back to me. That made me happy and for the rest of our two games I would look over every so often at her while she played her shots. There was no boyfriend amidst her group because no one seemed close to her but besides that, I didn’t do nothing and wouldn’t have with my confidence anyway.

Ralf Falls for Her Too

As Ralf played his shots and sat back down beside me he poked me and whispered how he thought that girl was the hottest. Ralf likes girls with fair brown hair, actually, he loves them. This girl was like a fantasy to him and I’m not sure if she knew we were constantly looking in her direction but she would have gained a knowledgeable idea. When the two games of Snooker were over we shook each other’s hand for a game well done and soon after it was time for Ralf and I to head off.

Thanking the lady and her friend for being so hospitable within my mind I tried to show it in my departing words. Then again, I think she would have known how great she was to hold and sustain our conversation and my unease around strangers. If I was around people I knew there is no problem with me letting loose and just being a fool but since I didn’t know them I was somewhat scared of being a fool or not making a good impression, something like that.

On the way to the car and driving down to the lights at the Cinema Ralf decided to do a lap of the complex. Noticing the fair brown hair girl stepping out of the Ettamogah Pub Ralf done a U-Turn and we ended up driving right past her as she looked in towards me. That was well worth seeing with a curious face about her and knowing that nothing would have ever eventuated we headed down to Campbelltown.

Lessons in Confidence

Because we are speaking about confidence here and my lack of it let me just add a point that I came across today. While at the Gym I talked to that guy once again who knows Kuper and Osama and hasn’t got much confidence when he chats to me. That makes me feel better knowing that he has less confidence in the situation than me and saying to myself “I’ve been there” I ascertain the situation. For my Monday workout when I was talking to this guy I took on the role of the Samoan lady who was being talkative and pleasant so that he wouldn’t feel bad about having approached me.

How he was talking to me, my voice gets like that when I start losing my ground in talking to a woman or when I lose confidence. From this I learnt one valuable lesson about myself, here it is. I seem to be more confident with people less confident than me. This is rational as a person with less confidence than me would be seen as less of a threat to lower my confidence than one with higher confidence than me. Thus, if I was trying to pick up a girl and wanted some moral support I would pick the guy with less confidence than I.

This in turn would lead me to be more confident within myself as I would try to set an example as well as carry on the conversation and that will make me all the stronger for it. Having someone with less confidence than me will also give me a boost in the sense that I have nothing to lose when it comes to confidence. If you think you are above someone in confidence then you can never be below them no matter how much times you get knocked back with him watching.

Each time he will be thinking “Wow, I wish I could have enough confidence to do that” and those thoughts in turn will boost mine. On the other hand, if I took someone with more confidence in that situation than me I will be more subtle and subjective to how I approach a situation. After all, I don’t want to look bad in front of someone that can do just what I do. Rather I want them to think “Man, that was a great move and some great lines” so I would already be under pressure.

That is part of what happened to me when Ralf and Shawn came with me to the car at ‘Waves’ when I was trying to chat that girl up with the large breasts. If I had gone alone I probably would still have had no confidence but I would have lasted a couple more seconds before I ran away. Then again, with someone who has less confidence than me and in my eyes can only learn will greatly help me. After all, I do want to set an example and if he was around I would be much smoother and more confident in myself than usual.

Cruising Queen Street

When Ralf was finished lapping Macarthur Square on Sunday night we headed for a drive to Queen Street and then down it where we noticed some very hot ladies walking in their nightclub clothes towards Chevy’s. Ralf decided to check his bank account around this time as we noticed all the ladies walk past us. Tomorrow is Australia Day and everyone gets to have a day off so I figure that will also include Lyssa.

Well, considering she had a day off today for no real reason but to spend the day shopping with Penelope and Ali at Parramatta (Where she was supposed to be at College in Parramatta) tomorrow should be no different. While Ralf was dropping me off he parked the car out the front as we chatted what to do for Monday. Ralf had two days off for Australia Day so he wanted to spend his Monday doing something.

Heading out to the beach was an idea and so was heading out to Miranda Shopping Center so with that Ralf told me to get up earlier on Monday. The time that Ralf was going to give me a call would be around 10:30 a.m. so he informed me to get to sleep earlier. Well, let me just tell you that this didn’t happen but that’s further in our chronology.

Typing Away and Plotting

Getting home around 11:30 p.m. I thought to give Lyssa a call but my instinct told me not to. So, for that reason I started to type in my computer and for the next couple of hours until 6:00 a.m. I didn’t stop. Alas, only one night was talked of and here one night is once again talked of but as the time is now 5:14 a.m. I hope to spend some more time chatting about today’s events.

Today should be full of conversation to fill up these pages but let us begin slowly and then hopefully finish it off tomorrow when I wake up. It’s funny how once again I am doing something everyday with my friends. Before it was something with Keith everyday but now, one former super power connecting with another named Ralf is keeping the spirit alive. As Ralf and I chatted about a couple of nights ago where we should get together to form an alliance in order for everyone to follow us we thrived in our new achievement, power.

Nowadays people are ringing Ralf more often than not and I am also receiving some of those calls from Keith, Shawn and a small minority. With some planning and time, Ralf and I can soon bring together Keith, Shawn, Tatton, Ace, Tyler, Binh, Vedat, Karl and other names who will bring together once again a large gathering and things to look forward to on our weekends. Ideas are in the mix, plans are on the way and we are now celebrating a positive in happenings.

Why Lyssa Cried

Now before I continue with much more let me just note some more of the conversation that Lyssa and I had on Sunday that turned around many events and emotions. There is a story behind why Lyssa got upset and started to cry that was deeper than me just saying I didn’t want to head over and her not understanding. When Lyssa asked me what was wrong in my confused mental state I advised Lyssa that I didn’t know if I wanted to see her as much.

Those were bad words to chose at that moment but I tried to recover by informing Lyssa that I had been in a bad mood for the past couple of days and as Lyssa asked why I was in such a bad mood I had no answer for it. “I’m just in a bad mood and I don’t know why” I grumbled and although the real reason is because I’m evaluating what I really think of Lyssa’s selfish acts I didn’t inform her of that.

Anyway, it is getting late and I’m starting to get tired at this 5:35 a.m. time in the morning. For that I must once again be one day behind chronology but hope I do that I will write about Monday when the time is ready and of today’s events tonight. Let me pray that I have a break in one day so that I may write and write to the full, my chronology…