Cheese Toast And A Towel In The Sun (Part 5) – Mad Chaos: December 6, 1998

Roads Not Taken

If I had never met Lyssa what would I be now. Better yet, where would I be now with my life. Wherever it might have been it can’t be any worse than what I have now. Another word of philosophical questioning now… What would have been if I had chosen someone else instead of Lyssa to court with. How much would my situation have changed. Well, let’s go through the list shall we… First there’s Velda and as I can see now she wouldn’t have been nothing more than a passing fashion.

Constantine, if she wasn’t hitched up and I got that chance we would have been together for a fair while despite her fake breasts which I would have urged her not to wear and become more proud of her body. Constantine and I could have lasted because from what I’ve heard she’s a nymphomaniac in bed and that’s what I would have loved. Despite that factor she probably would have kicked me to the curb six months into our relationship but you never know. Then there’s Nikita who I did find attractive for a while but that would have passed once I started going out with her.

Sure I would find her being a vegetarian and her scared little girl attitude but the novelty would have worn off after a month or two. Penelope, well I’d hate to admit it but I did find her attractive back then and feel that if Ali didn’t tell me not to hook up with her because of her brothers I might have gone ahead, that’s if Lyssa didn’t exist. I also admit that Penelope and I would have gotten along well as a couple and we would have lasted a fair while.

Actually, the sex part would have gotten to me after a while if it’s true but I would have been more than extremely happy just getting oral sex from her every time we got down to that business. Bielka, yep, yep, give me her time of day any time of day and I shall make a meal of it. With her parents being rich and all I don’t think it possible that we did go out but if she had a thing for Jett I could stand a chance.

Sex with her is like a fanatic wanting more, I wouldn’t be able to get enough sexual favors. Bielka and I could have lasted, there’s no doubt about that. Then there’s Rita who is rather like Lyssa in attitude, all quiet and affectionate but yet timid. Rita looked hot back in her day and I know she would probably go off in bed leaving me to do all the work but we wouldn’t have lasted. That’s about all of Lyssa’s friends I can think about now. Anyone who didn’t get mentioned, obviously I had no thing for you.

Rage And Restraint

Back to my late Saturday night story where Lyssa was showing me her blue top without a bra, yep let’s get back to that shall we. I didn’t think this night would take so long to explain but yet again the effortless nights are usually the ones that fill up so much script in my Diary. Lyssa brought over a packet of chips and as we ate them we turned on ‘Rage’ to watch it. For half an hour we were watching ‘Rage’ and I wanted something to happen probably just as bad as Lyssa did but as we both lay in my bed no one broke.

Rather, I made myself not instigate anything as I wanted to see if Lyssa would once again try seducing me into sexual foreplay. My impression was that if Lyssa wanted something to happen and she felt the need she could have done it herself instead of bending my will far enough for me to break and finally start getting onto her. Unfortunately my persistence backfired and despite the fact that Lyssa drifted off to sleep I wasn’t too angered or shamed. Instead of repeating the night before I turned the television off around 5:00 a.m. and went to sleep with Lyssa on the waterbed.

Waking Back To Back

Surprisingly I found my sleep to be peaceful and the wooden corners of the waterbed weren’t bothering me at all. Lyssa faced her side and I faced mine, both of us having our backs touching. The morning brought our awakening as Lyssa woke me up by turning her head and looking at me in the mirror. Having a dream I told Lyssa about the whole thing.

I dreamt that I had an excel and driving it around my block I came back into my street and as I reversed Kelly (Or it could have been Nina actually) who was also driving narrowly missed me. It looked like the crash would have been my fault if she had hit me but I was angry at her for driving forward as I reversed. Lyssa then told me about her dream of going to the hairdressers and spending all her money on dying her hair only for the re-growth to still be there, ooh, bad dream.

Toast And Awkward Dancing

After our initial waking up Lyssa and I slept for a couple more hours on my bed and then finally waking up still hoping that Lyssa would try something with me (Hopefully touch me up down there because I was hard most of the time around her) I walked upstairs to make our breakfast. As usual I made Lyssa cheese toast sandwiches, two of them and myself two eggs. Bringing our food down we once again started watching Video Hits and I was happy to turn up my system.

Lyssa and I tried dancing together as I put on a dance kind of beat. Lyssa was doing her normal dance as how she does at a nightclub but even though we weren’t out at a nightclub I felt wrong dancing with Lyssa as if we were. It’s just something about me dancing in front of Lyssa that embarrasses me. Faith is in my dancing style, I know I can dance alright but when it comes to dancing in front of Lyssa I get all tense and probably will for a very long time.

A Smoke And Mixed Signals

Lyssa once again wanted to have a smoke but as I told her she could have one I once again stated that I would not be there with her. This time Lyssa didn’t put up much of a struggle and decided to go out the front by herself for a smoke, was it her first time smoking alone? As Lyssa came back to lie down with me she forwarded herself towards me and started to kiss me on the cheek only once.

That was my sign that Lyssa was trying so I let her again and again kiss me on the cheek and lips. Not going all the way I gave Lyssa some time as I hugged her and also gave her a kiss or two but Lyssa didn’t make anything of it. What annoyed me the most was the fact that Lyssa’s hand was hugging me around the stomach and her hand was dangling with possible intention around my groin area but she didn’t do anything. Just the anticipation was enough to drive me crazy.

Lyssa later asked if I was horny and turning the attention to her with the same question she told me that she wasn’t horny at all. Insulted to some degree that she didn’t feel aroused or sexual I also denied that I was horny and for the rest of the day nothing happened. That marks the first night that Lyssa has willingly come over my house with intentions to sleep over but not sleep with me.

That I am certain is due to the fact that I didn’t push the right buttons as I usually do but now I know that there are times that Lyssa just has sex for the hell of it. Maybe Lyssa didn’t feel like sex because we had had it the night before and she overstayed for the weekend, maybe.

Sunbaking On A Towel

The two of us were lazy for most of the day as we lay on my bed doing nothing but I was just there hoping that Lyssa would make a move. Eventually I jumped up and told Lyssa I was heading to the backyard to sun-bake if she wanted to come. Lyssa was angry because I wouldn’t let her smoke outside while I was there but despite that why would she want to have a second smoke in a matter of half an hour.

Soaking myself in the dying sun at 3:30 p.m. Lyssa decided to come out soon after and sit with me on my beach towel on the concrete. Mum and Dad were upstairs talking in the kitchen as Lyssa and I made peace on my towel. So memorable will be Lyssa and I sitting on that towel because Lyssa looked so right sitting there with me. It felt as if we were going out again and we were sitting in some park somewhere enjoying the sun and the love we had for each other.

The dream is over, it wasn’t that at all but it is more memorable than spending countless hours in my daunting unlit room. Too much hours in this room is disastrous but what can I do, I’m stuck with it. Sometimes I wish this room had the sun rising on my window side so I would wake up with the sun in the mornings but that’s not possible. Sometimes I think of sleeping outside in a tent in my backyard so I could get the same effect in the morning but that’s also not possible.

Goodbye By The Gate

Lyssa and I ended our time together around 5:30 p.m. under a cloud of confusion. Lyssa probably realized that we hadn’t been sexual for the night and she would probably have seen it as a loss as I did too. Despite that I called Lyssa a taxi and as both of us were confused but in a good mood I walked her to the front where we both crouched on the ground with barely a couple of words to say.

What we did talk about when we started to converse was when we would possibly see each other again. Remembering that Lyssa told me her brother was having a birthday this coming Saturday (Where Lyssa and her mum sat taste testing the food a week beforehand in small packs) I said “I guess we won’t see each other for two weeks.” Lyssa asked why that was and I told her the reason, her brother’s birthday.

Drifting Toward Obsolete

Thinking about it some more I then realized that Lyssa was going with her mum to Adelaide just before Christmas so I probably won’t get to see her. Lyssa won’t be coming back until a day or two from new years so I’ll most probably get to see her then. Maybe for our imaginary one year and six month anniversary or around that time we can get together. I can probably say with confidence that our next partially recognized anniversary will be our last moments of togetherness and the final push into post relationship oblivion.

It’s becoming evident, Lyssa and I are becoming more and more obsolete to each other. Now that we’ve had our time fooling around and we’ve both started to realize that we want someone else for all the right reasons we’re drifting apart. Lyssa wants someone who won’t cheat on her, someone obviously hotter and probably with a car. I want someone that can fulfill my eyes content, my hearts happiness and the craving in my mind. Also, I would hope to find someone that is more giving when it comes to sexuality and not so demurring.