Every Summer Before This One (Part 1) – Mad Chaos: November 30, 1998

The Last Day Of Spring

Hello again, here we are once more opening up the powers of the mind and this for the last day of spring. In the past two years I have been celebrating literature and even before that I have not really mentioned much about the lead up to summer and never really denoted these three months of sun with much importance. Maybe that is for the fact that I wasn’t living my life day to day and still I live to represent future dreams, those that are still standing.

Back then I really didn’t think about much more than the problem at hand apart from the attraction to women. Now as it has almost been three years that this Diary has existed I once again relate my steady progress to total understanding in progressive thought, both in my Diary and within confronting situations. This Diary did not bring my first poem but it has helped me since then to express myself and because of that my poetry has blossomed since the first words I wrote to Jewell.

Visitors Before Midnight

Yes it is the last day of the month but now it sounds so premeditated to speak of it as the last month when in fact the time is now 12:45 a.m. in the next month. What you ask happened for the last two hours and why you ask didn’t I start a new entry. Well, Shawn and Tatton came over upon completion of my last paragraph and I didn’t want the comfort and feel of writing for the last day taken away from me.

This month needed to be gratified and I had some notes for that gratification so for that reason I chose to finish this paragraph despite the fact that it is now officially the new month and the start of summer as we know it for 1998. If I had started for the new month words just wouldn’t have been the same. There have been plenty of things planned for tonight’s Diary entry, plenty of things to speak about for the last two nights and plenty of time in which to do it all.

Yellow Walls And Cards

Firstly, let me get tonight out of the way and my visit from Shawn and Tatton while I was writing my entry. Hearing a car out the front I gazed out the window, folding back the yellow curtain that blends with the flowered wallpaper that dwells upon the same color. Noticing that Tatton’s car was indeed out the front I prepared for their arrival turning my Diary off.

Looking around my room I noticed more yellow and it’s almost a subconscious factor in my room. The subliminal wallpaper, posters with lots of skin, my speakers, the wardrobe opposing my draped curtains concealing all prying eyes, all these are colors closely resembling each other, the color yellow. Allowing Shawn and Tatton entry they walked into my room with nothing much to do.

As they told me that they had just played cricket and actually won a game we started to play ‘Black Bitch’ (A card game) and I finally clicked that Shawn and Tatton were supposed to be camping at this point in time. From what they had told me on Saturday they were heading out to ‘Kangaroo Valley’ to camp for three days and they also asked if I would like to go.

Asking Shawn why they didn’t end up going their reason was that the car was playing up and Tatton’s funds didn’t come through. That’s when I also gathered that Shawn’s birthday was one of these days but I thought not to ask. When Shawn was leaving he informed me that today was his birthday and as I wished him happy birthday (All I can really do) I thought this was something I would do because if no one remembers I won’t either.

In my room we sat for the next hour and a half playing ‘Black Bitch’ and for that whole time I was never in the highest position. Always, I was juggling between neutral and dunce as Shawn held the top position more than Tatton did. This carried on for a while and each of us had some sort of poker face.

Tatton was very verbal to show his excitement and you could usually tell he had a fistful of action in his hands when you would put down a card and he would say “Is that a seven you put down”. Double checking was Tatton’s poker face for excitement and it was funny to see him so happy about a certain hand only to see him wind up back in dunce, that happiness only lasting one hand.

Myself, I was very cautious in how I played my hand and my equivalent to a poker face was showing hesitation on most of my hands. Because I was always dunce or the mediator I had to play my cards correct and I always seemed to be dealt low cards or doubles by Tatton and better cards by Shawn.

When I was confronted with a situation and I could go either way with my cards. I would always hesitate, bring the cards out a fraction, pause with them in the air, bring them back in and for the next 30 seconds flinch those cards in and out not being able to make my mind up. Good cards and wise decisions weren’t in my favor, better luck next time.

Shawn himself didn’t have much of a poker face, rather, he just kept getting the good hands or playing his cards right. Shawn was more likely to talk his way through a game or when he became impatient he would start yelling at Tatton to place down his hand so he could have his turn.

There wasn’t much going on apart from our game, no real conversation, just concentration. The both of them drove over around 10:45 p.m. and they left two hours later at 12:45 a.m. It was a good thing that this happened because I was really struggling to find myself within my words and I was too stressed knowing I wasn’t in much of a mood to start writing.

Summers Gone By

The summer of love, it is finally upon us and hopefully this summer can only exceed what I have already experienced. The summer of love was indeed the end of 1995 and the start of the new year. This was the year I had my first real girlfriend, Clover. This was the year of heading off to the Gym and the year I also got onto Pavlina, then Kathryn. It was rumored that I got onto Phoenix in 1995 but I didn’t even get to know her until the end of 1996 where we ended up going to the City with a group of people.

The summer of 1996 started as usual in December and I recall this being a huge buildup to Kathryn coming back home. This was a false sense of great importance as I built most of my years beliefs on the fact that we would get together and get wild. That in turn didn’t really happen, we ignored each other pretty much until near the end when she was supposed to leave, read about it. Phoenix came into the picture in the summer of 1996 but this summer was seen as a downer to the start of the new year.

The start of 1997 was pretty much a dark age for me where I was angry with the world and the way things were going. Doubts were rampant in my mind but luckily that was falsely locked shut by the introduction of Jewell in February. The beginning of summer in 1997 didn’t bring much hope to a great three months as I was emotionally all over the place. In one situation I had my job which I was getting rid of because of boredom. In the other corner I wasn’t single but frequently having arguments with Lyssa, my chosen partner.

The formal was on and the issue of smoking was getting to the both of us. Stress right up until the end of the year was dealt but the start of 1998 did see a little bit of a change starting with Lyssa’s decision to quit smoking. There wasn’t much to look forward to, Ali cheated on Penelope, I argued some more but then again it wasn’t all bad grammar and arguments. Lyssa and I had some good times but despite that the summer of 1997 which continued to this year could be classed as a lead up to how favored summer is now.