Five Dollars and a Stubborn Standoff (Part 3) – Mad Chaos: March 4, 1999

Five Dollars and an Excuse

Before I continue let me add that at the start of our night when Lyssa came over I asked Lyssa kindly and defensively if she could give me back the $5 that I lent her to catch a taxi home. Back then I needed that money and I just wanted to see what Lyssa’s response would be as well as to place that money in the bank as I do need it now.

Lyssa’s response was “Yeah, I’ll give you the money but I just don’t have it on me now”. That pissed me off to hear Lyssa basically being stingy with her money and it wasn’t until I realized that Wednesday was her payday that I really started to get angry. How could Lyssa not have money on the day she gets paid, that’s just ridiculous.

Lyssa had the money alright but because she’s so tight with money and she’s so money hungry with me she made it seem as if she was genuine to give me the money back but came up with an excuse that she didn’t have it. Seriously, for a person that makes four times more than me and despite that she borrows more money off me (Not to mention the money I still spend on her) Lyssa has never once been honest with money to me.

If I would ever lend money to Lyssa and I would then hear “Don’t worry, you’ll get your money back” I know that promise is as empty as Lyssa’s remembering to give me back money. I’m the sort of person that will remember borrowing money and pay it back quickly and I’m usually the one who worries more about the money.

Lending Money Like a Bank

Lyssa is uncaring when she takes money and the lending party is usually the one that has to remind Lyssa to give the money back and even then she’ll work up an excuse not to give it back. Lending money to Lyssa is like putting money in a bank account you will never get to withdraw from but that money will just keep accumulating on that paper.

It pisses me off to know that Lyssa liked receiving material possessions more than my gifts from the heart yet I didn’t receive either unless I was also giving. Having said this countless times before, this job that Lyssa has, this money, it’s all gone to her head. Maybe it’s the fact that she never used to have money before this that she’s holding onto it with all her might and being stingy in other places. I don’t expect Lyssa to be buying me gifts or giving me money but I do expect to get my money back without having to ask and without hassles or runarounds.

Leading a Horse to Water

Getting to the second half of our night, I thought this to be more deluding than the first. With both Lyssa and I watching television I remembered how rejection played a part in her treatment of me last time she was over so I was more cautious this time around. More so, I didn’t so much as touch Lyssa in a sensual way as I gathered she would try with me in some sort of way but of course, it would always lead to me having to take control of the courting situation.

You can always lead a horse to water but you can never make it drink, that would be a good line to explain how Lyssa always treats sex. In all my time with Lyssa she will never instigate sex no matter how close to water I shall lead her. Lyssa isn’t thirsty for sex and in our time together, I’ve never seen Lyssa just go nuts in sex. The most Lyssa has done on her own account is go down on me without me having to ask but even that was a rather slow and obvious procedure.

A Timid Partner

I crave for someone to be as wild in bed as I am but Lyssa is completely the opposite. So timid is Lyssa in bed that she doesn’t want to exert unless she has to. That’s why Lyssa always wants me to be on top and loathes when I ask her to be on top or something else different.

Lyssa’s method of keeping me in her groove is to put down anything new I want to try and her usual line is “I don’t want to do all that fancy stuff you want to do”, fancy usually being her on top or something else that isn’t so exhausting. What I would give if Lyssa was just more of a gymnast during sex in little subtle ways.

Instead of just lying there and occasionally kissing my neck she could be grabbing my butt and pushing me onto her. Lyssa could lift herself off the ground with one arm and force herself onto me as I do on her or she could let me do more sexual positions like doggystyle. Alas, even when we used to do that position Lyssa would just lie there with her moans and let me do all the work, not so stimulating, well not as much as her being in the action.

Who Always Has to Start

Getting back to the problem at hand, Lyssa never initiates sex, that’s what I was trying to say. Lyssa will tease me generously but I’m always the one who has to either take he clothes off or, start kissing her body or put myself in her.

Another hope of mine that is now shattered and I had asked for once before was for Lyssa to take her clothes off in front of me as I lay down and watched. This would have been great foreplay but once again, Lyssa got embarrassed and as usual, she done it either with the lights off or not as flashy as I would have liked. The goods times of sexuality are behind us now, in the days when we used to be going out.

These newer days Lyssa is still getting satisfaction on occasion but I am without satisfaction. To say the least, sex sucks on most occasions because the most I get is a hand job or nothing at all but on the occasions when I am in Lyssa and going off it’s always in her position or after Lyssa has gone off. In sexuality the prowess goes to Lyssa as she has learnt to be selfish in more ways than one.

In money she is greedy, in sex she is flagrant, with favors she is invidious and with the gift of giving she would scantily care. I know I’m not perfect to Lyssa and I know that right now she loves me more than I of her but she surely doesn’t show the love she is supposed to have. If anything, my gift of giving continuously and receiving nothing in return as well as my allowing Lyssa to always get her way which also includes sexually, I think I am treating Lyssa with more love than she shows to me.

Sticking to My Guns

In the time that we were watching television Lyssa was being weird and not talking much. Jumping on my waterbed I knew she wanted me to jump up there and probably do my usual touching her up but this time I didn’t. Lyssa probably didn’t feel wanted because I wasn’t touching her up as usual but I wasn’t giving Lyssa the satisfaction of having me once again conform to her wants.

If Lyssa really wanted me all she had to do was say she did or come and get me but I knew better, Lyssa would never do that, the little Princess. Lyssa expected me to be Mr. Perfect in respect to knowing exactly what she wanted and because I was being ignorant of what I knew by reading her she started to get bothered.

“You hate me don’t you” was Lyssa’s response when I didn’t give her more attention than to the television we were both watching but that’s usually the first thing she says when she wants attention. I know Lyssa so well now, I can read her like a book and I can tell you, her thoughts are just a pamphlet. Expecting me to jump off the ground and cuddle up with her I knew better, I knew to stick to my guns and let Lyssa draw first blood.

Settling a Vengeance

Lyssa was feeling the heat and I was feeling strangely contented for keeping Lyssa in a deluded state. I could have easily jumped on the bed and been the first to instigate something and I know there was a good chance that we could have become intimate with each other but I was out to settle a vengeance.

From Lyssa’s ill-treatment of me when she came over on Monday I wanted to show her how I felt when she rejected me and even though Lyssa didn’t open up for me to reject her I brought a deluded angle to her thought and that was reward enough. Lyssa expects all this affection towards her but she never returns the favor and I’m starting to get pissed off with it, finally starting to smell the roses of reality.

Because I was concentrating on things apart from Lyssa’s erogenous appetite she started to get aggravated as I thought she would. Around this time Lyssa was spitting out words like “You don’t want me here, you don’t like me anymore” and words like “Do you want me to go” but I wasn’t deterred. If anything, Lyssa’s consistency in pointing out that I wasn’t treating her like a queen was starting to piss me off.

Calling a Taxi Again

Because of this resentment I showed to Lyssa and because she wasn’t being the center of attention she called a Taxi to go home. This came after Lyssa accused me of not caring about Lyssa but she had no right to accuse me. Lyssa was lying on the waterbed not saying anything and watching television.

Without a shirt on I couldn’t jump on my waterbed anyway because the sheet was in the wash and my back would stick, I made this clear to Lyssa. Quite easily, Lyssa could have come to sit with me on the ground but she chose to be a bitch about it and then complain that I wasn’t paying attention to her. Watching television and concentrating on reading ‘FHM’ I was once again accused of neglect but with Lyssa pretending to be asleep on the bed in hopes that I would become carnal, I wasn’t buying it.

A Kiss Nobody Made

Lyssa caught her Taxi soon after calling the company and rather depressed and frustrated with me she was rather anticipative of the Taxi. Being at the front door when it came Lyssa walked past me and I knew that a kiss goodbye was probably at hand but Lyssa kept her distance and I didn’t want to be the one going to her as usual. Therefore, neither Lyssa or I made the move and she made her way with a falsified smile on her face hiding the animosity and confusion that she for once didn’t get her own way.

Calling Back at Half Past Ten

Lyssa left my house at 10:00 p.m. and I just started to watch television. Knowing that Lyssa would go home confused I gathered that Lyssa would call me some time later and I was surprised that she called me at 10:30 p.m. Her first blurred words were of her being maltreated at my house but before she could even finish her sentence I assured her I was just being my normal self. Lyssa mentioned countless times at my house and then on the phone that I was treating her bad but the truth is I wasn’t treating her at all, at least in a sexual way.

For two minutes we chatted but then it was time to let Lyssa get to sleep and me to my computer. For the rest of Wednesday night I kept myself up all night long on the computer.

Two Quick Points Before Bed

Now, before I speak of today’s adventures let me just note two points and then I will get to my last Sonnet’s explanation.

Firstly, while Lyssa and I noticed a picture of a woman getting a pap-smear and sitting in that awkward chair Lyssa told me she had to get one soon and had been putting it off for almost a year. “What would you rather, a man or a woman touching you down there” I asked of Lyssa and her answer was without a doubt, a guy. Lyssa would feel more comfortable for a guy to touch her down there rather than a woman simply because she feels it’s unnatural for a woman to be looking at her pussy so close up. She would obviously be embarrassed with a guy but she would rather his hands on her than a woman’s hands.

Now my second point is that I bought a new tooth whitening toothpaste two weeks ago and I just thought to add it’s been working well but like the other one, it’s worn away my gums. Not only that but it stings when my gums have gone and to include on top of that, the hard bristled brush doesn’t help that much.