How deep is your love, deep is your love deep is your love, I really need to know, cause we’re living in a world of fools, breaking us down when we all should get along. Those few lines were from the Bee gees (If that’s how you spell it) and listening to television advertisements the last couple of days I’ve noticed there are fair bit of well known groups coming down to Australia to sing. The Bee gees are the first then there’s Boyz II Men and then you have KCi & Jo jo. Also on television I noticed that a guy got picked to play a part in ‘Private Ryan’ by being at the Kearns film festival. That’s what I should be doing if I want to get into music. Instead of piss shitting around I should be out there at gatherings, traveling to concerts and working within the industry. What I’m doing right now is piss farting around and I look forward to the day that I attend my first concert, preferably R & B.
I’d really like to see ‘Boyz II Men’ but something tells me it’s now too late and I don’t have any money. And as far as money goes I’m broke, I have to pay off my Credit Card, telephone and then I still have to save. A new job is the first step to recovery and a first job is the first step to a new voyage, a voyage of discovery, one where my Diary can one day be profitable to show detailed information of my life, my autobiography if you may. Until that day I sit at home, vegging, dreaming of my wishes and wishing they would become a reality. Should wish become a reality or should the reality come from me setting goals to achieve…
How much times a day do you go to the toilet, ask yourself that. Now ask yourself if it is natural instinct that you visit that toilet. Do you think “I have to go to the toilet now” or do you just go. Internal instincts, I just visited the toilet and didn’t really think about it, I just went. Now think to yourself, how much things in life do you take for granted. When you breathe do you think about it, of course not but I gather you’re sitting there now concentrating on your breathing. Some news from television before I start a new paragraph. The gas is back on in Victoria so no more cold showers for them, it’s been a couple of weeks. Then there’s the news of the Olympics. The torchbearer will start from Ayers Rock (Thanks to the aboriginal owners) and every kilometer it will swap hands until it finally reaches Homebush. Personally I think that would e pretty cool, imagine how many kilometers it is, practically half of Australia will have to be jogged.
To speak of the most recent, Lyssa is at Manpower. Originally she was supposed to go with Carleigh but from the last I heard Carleigh bailed out, gave Lyssa her ticket and Lyssa invited Nikita. The both of them are probably still at Manpower, front seats, best seats in the house. The show started at 7:00 p.m. for them and I didn’t realize until Lyssa informed me tonight that it was at the RSL in Campbelltown. Sleep won’t be deprived of Lyssa tonight as she doesn’t have to go to College tomorrow until later in the night. Now for the good news.
Today I woke up at 12:30 p.m. it’s getting later and later. For an hour or two I just mucked around on the computer and thought to call Lyssa but she called me first. Lyssa gave me some small talk first telling me how she was out with her dad, Kuper, Carleigh and Penelope last night. They were having dinner at the Tennis Club and then Lyssa decided to visit the toilet. At that moment Lyssa felt a sudden surge and to her surprise she found she was having her period, one week late. Lyssa ran to the toilet and as Carleigh accompanied her she asked Lyssa if she had a tampon ready then Lyssa informed me that she didn’t have one but Carleigh did. Last night Lyssa wore a tampon for the first time, she usually wears pads. The reason she doesn’t wear tampons was because she didn’t want something up there but after the discomfort of sticking your own fingers up there she thought they weren’t constrictive at all and is using one tonight.
So Lyssa isn’t pregnant and the both of us were relieved that nothing did happen. As you would see from my Diary entries I had a suspicion right until the last day and I was right about my beliefs. So that part of excitement is definitely out of my life, no more could I have been a father. Lyssa also went to Chevy’s last night and she sounded very content with her night, like she was trying to reveal that she met some guy but didn’t want to say it. I didn’t pursue her quest of words and it’s better that way. Lyssa now has her life and I have mine and as she told me “It’s a good thing that this ordeal came along, it’s taught me not to fool around.” It has scared me in a way too and I know that Lyssa and I have been given a push in the right direction but I did get a thought or two of a little baby boy with blonde hair running around the house, Lyssa and I together. Lyssa then taught me that a blonde and a dark hair couple would give a blonde and if both partners were blonde then you would get a rich red head. Lyssa wanted to get off the phone after a couple of minutes talking so she could rest. Lyssa and I don’t talk much on the phone anymore these days and sometimes it seems like she’s brushing me off but I have to get used to it, I’m not with her anymore and don’t expect a long conversation.
Today it has once again been a lonely day where I can rest as everyone does on Sunday’s. Usually people have the Sunday paper to read and I did look forward to that about a year ago but dad stopped buying the paper because he could never find anything interesting in it to read. Last night I didn’t go out, Keith did call me and told me to give Lucas a call but I didn’t really feel like going out. My night’s are finally slowing down and my moments of being a bachelor will soon be short lived. I like going out every night and on occasion looking for women but I also have to look after myself money-wise. This slow down could be a good calculation, it could see me starting to look for a job as I would have the time of day for it. Last night I did give Lucas but his mobile phone was diverted to his answering machine. It was obvious that Keith didn’t really want to make a big night of it as he was dropping Tamsen off so I thought not to pursue it and gathered that Keith wouldn’t come to my house and pick me up.
For two hours into the next day I sat and played the computer, a game that you can get hooked on very easily ‘Deadlock’. When my obsession was complete I made myself something to eat and then having a shower I slept around 3:00 a.m. Now I sit here tonight once again late but I hope to sleep within the hour. Tomorrow I get paid but getting paid is always a wonder. Every fortnight I am supposed to get paid I have doubts, this week is just the same. Tomorrow I am once again supposed to attend this place in Liverpool that I haven’t been to for the last two weeks. Tomorrow should be a big day actually, making my way to Liverpool, paying off the last of my Optus Eric, buying some swimmers and going to the Gym, not to mention look for some work.
To update once again my night I just received a call from Lyssa at midnight. Lyssa bragged about her night, how the cabaret was excellent, her seats were right near the entertainers and how they were all bigger than before. There was this one blonde guy on stage that Lyssa said he kept looking at Lyssa for inspiration. When he was about to take his clothes off he looked at Lyssa as if to say “Should I take it off” and Lyssa would nod her head. That same guy wrapped his belt around Lyssa’s neck and from her usual cheering and jumping around she went silent in front of 1000 people. The spotlight was on the both of them and Lyssa was somewhat embarrassed as he pulled her closer with his belt and laid a kiss on her lips. Lyssa told me that there was also a 50 year old lady pulled up onto the stage and the guy put her hand fully down his pants and then he touched her boobs. Lyssa also got to see one of the guys gadgets as he pulled the straps of his bikini forward, well they were very close to the action so they had seen it all. Lyssa took two pictures, one with Wild-child and the other with the blonde guy that grabbed Lyssa with the belt and laid a kiss on her. Wild-Child leant to give Lyssa a kiss and not realizing what was happening she turned her face and had one planted right on her lips.
Diary Of A Mad Chaos is a daily diary written from March 1996 until today, of which individual books and book series have been created, namely “The Lost Years” an exploration of young, entwined love, the “Wubao In China (猎艳奇缘)” book series which provides an extensive comparative analysis of the cultural differences between Eastern and Western societies, and the book titled “Foreigner (华人)” an exploration of race relations in Australia.
