Something should have happened and I shouldn’t have found myself walking away but I am a shy person when it comes to meeting people. Maybe if I was with friends I would have had enough courage to be me but being by myself and having a cold… So smart girl liked me and I wished that I had caught a bus. Not really knowing my purpose of heading to Campbelltown other than walking home I realized that I had to pay my Telstra bill. Knowing that the girls would most probably catch a bus at 3:30 p.m. (The time being 3:15 p.m.) I made my way quickly to the Telstra shop at times running.
Fate wasn’t on my side as there was only one person in line before me but yet service took so long. Within seconds the first person was out of the line and I was next in queue to get served. The stupid thing about this was that there were two people that could have helped me and yet they were learning or fixing something. What pissed me off more is the fact that after this Asian woman paid off her account where she used her Credit Card she stuck around asking about Call Diversion. At this time I was just thinking of getting out and running to the train station because I was feeling the time was running out to make my decisive act. Fate was harsh and once the woman was finally gone and I walked up to the counter the woman that was supposed to serve me was helping the other women with the computer. That pissed me off but still I couldn’t really do anything. Not demanding assistance the woman quickly done my bill and I was on my way out of there.
Jogging part of the way to the station I came to the car parking just before the station and was hoping a bus wouldn’t pass me. Tragically, the first bus passed and looking into the windows I noticed only three people. One was a man up the front and in the back seats there were two girls, guess who they were. Seated in front of one another I noticed them and stopped in disbelief as to how close I was. Still, the bus that they were on wasn’t a Bradbury bus so they both must live in St. Helen’s Park or something. Still I headed to the station to see if they were indeed on the bus. Indeed I was right and now these two girls will probably never be seen by my eyes again, why didn’t I do something, weak I am.
Dry was my throat from jogging and raising a sweat in the 26 degree heat so making my solemn walk to Queen Street I bought myself a ‘Moove’. Drinking that down it didn’t really help the ache in my throat but it sufficed until I made it home. Empty was my walk home of energy and exhaustion exhumed my thoughts of the two girls I so wrongly did not brave. The smart girl looked like such a maternal character, something I appreciate from a woman and have never really received. Reaching the front of Bradbury shops I noticed Maddox and was surprised to see him just wave at me and only ten meters in front of me keep walking instead of waiting for me. That’s a bit rude of him and because of that I made my way to Bradbury shops so I could avoid him. This was a pretty practical trip as I made my way to the Chemist and was almost persuaded by my thoughts to buy some Vitamin C tablets but instead bought some ‘Butter-Menthol’ to soothe my throat.
Treatment for this recent flu has been tremendous as opposed to my other illnesses. To put into perspective this illness compared to all other where I’ve only taken Vitamin C at the most, I’ve started drinking tea, taken Panadol, tried jogging it out, nose spray, fresh air and now Butter-Menthol. I’ve even bought this concentrated orange juice because I thought Vitamin C would help. To tell you the truth I appreciate getting a cold on occasion. Colds help me to determine how powerful my body is to battling disease and I learn from these occasions. It makes me happy when I blow my nose and so much mess comes out. Liberated is the feeling that comes to mind feeling that I’ve rid most of the disease within me but it’s not to be. The cold is going away slowly and like I said before, it will be gone by the new era, by the end of this month.
Upon coming home I learnt that Lyssa had called me and in the back of my head I figured she would. Coming home at 4:30 p.m. I thought to give Lyssa a call but was surprised to find she wasn’t home. Lyssa must have done what she had done last Monday, left very early. Picking up the phone once again I thought to call Imad because he’s been a stranger. Five rings passed and then Imad picked up and hearing my voice was startled and happy. Imad told me he tried coming over on the 21st but I was out with Lyssa at Parramatta. Wondering how Imad would have known that he then mentioned that he knew I slept at Lyssa’s house and asked me what I was up to. Not giving anyone the satisfaction of hearing my situation I asked Imad how he knew that and he informed me that Penelope had told him. That settles it for me, no matter what, Penelope has a big mouth. I don’t even think Imad tried to come over on the 21st this month because my mum would have told me. Imad was just saying that to bring my night of passion into conversation. Imad wouldn’t have asked Penelope or Ali anything because they wouldn’t have known so they must have blabbed their feelings to Imad. Who knows what else they had said about me but it pisses me off to think Penelope and Ali despise me for my actions. Who gives a fuck what they think, tight ass, virgin pussy, loose lipped dick heads.
Imad was at his cousin’s house and we made plans for him to come and visit me on Wednesday night. So with that last part to plan we hung up the phone and that was that. After that I wanted to complain about Penelope’s repugnant actions behind my back. That’s the only way they can really do it, like Greeks, from behind. Alas, I never did get the chance to talk with Lyssa and being 10:04 p.m. now I don’t think she will bother calling me tonight.
There are two more days in this month, two more days of ‘The Recognition’ and seeing those two girls today and not doing anything enough to make conversation that is making me recognize that being shy doesn’t get you anywhere. It would have been best to try conversation and face rejection than to reject my mind’s conscience by not acting upon my feelings. There is no smooth way to add this into any paragraph without making its own paragraph (which would be a waste of space) but while I was upstairs today my parents directed my vision to the fence leading to our next door neighbors house. Looking into my mind and remembering the back of our yard with plants in the garden and then to the left hand side there was a mesh fence that came to the waist for five meters (As long as our garden) and then there was a concrete fence the rest of the way to the house. Looking upon this area now I found what I thought to be hideously ugly and out of place to my mind. Three large green tin or metal portions of a fence bolted together and standing three times larger than what previously was. These neighbors that probably only moved in recently have made quick work on secrecy. Maybe they just get scared of looking at my mum bending over in the backyard with loose robes, it is summer you know but it’s just a bit rude to fence off the wall. My parents are friendly people and they were with the previous owners of the house but these people just don’t see that.
Well, now I’ve had my final bitch for this entry and I’m just thinking, maybe I should have given that one stupid thought its own paragraph because it was longer than I thought it would be. That’s my problem these days with my entries. Compared to entries I made one year ago, it is very easy to lose yourself in my words these days. So much small detail is written of each day that contradicts my style of writing and imagination one year ago. People don’t like reading encyclopedias but they appreciate having the reference there if they need it. It’s better to read upon my entries one year ago where the longest day would only be three pages long but as far as detail went, it would lack. There would be thousands of questions on your mind one year ago that would never get answered within the text but these days information overflows the seams of these pages and engulfs your mind even before you know that information is thought upon in your head. Yes, I answer my questions beforehand and in turn answer yours. There might be plenty of jargon you could flick through in this month compared to last year but let me tell you, if you get hooked, you are hooked on every page, every day…
Diary Of A Mad Chaos is a daily diary written from March 1996 until today, of which individual books and book series have been created, namely “The Lost Years” an exploration of young, entwined love, the “Wubao In China (猎艳奇缘)” book series which provides an extensive comparative analysis of the cultural differences between Eastern and Western societies, and the book titled “Foreigner (华人)” an exploration of race relations in Australia.
