Today once again gave me some thinking time, some distancing time. No one apart from Simon came over today and when he did he was persistent on the both of us traveling to the movies to view ‘Toy Soldiers’. There we sat at my house watching television for about half an hour and I found out that Simon had moved to Rosemeadow now with Lucas. Renting a three bedroom house for $175, Simon told me that in two weeks time he is having a house warming party. Still, I don’t understand the fat boy and money consumption. Uncle Buck sure doesn’t have common sense when it comes to spending his dough wisely but hey, it’s his money and if he would prefer to waste it on renting as opposed to saving then let him.
Today while I was sitting at home alone I remembered part of a conversation that Lyssa and I talked about. Maybe it was someone else who told me but Ali hangs out with Tod and the rest of them every weekend now and then the next weekend day he hangs out with Penelope. They had a massive argument that lasted four days a couple of days ago and Ali was the one to suck up to Penelope. Now I realize that I am missing something from my life, a best friend. Before I used to have Johnnie but we slowly faded from each other’s lives and we became too different for each other in tastes and likes. Then there was Imad and I and after he started hanging out with Ali and then with Janice he became obsolete to everyone’s life. Borrowed in his own hole I sprung onto Ali in our earlier days of going out and the two of us bonded. Slowly that friendship became the friendship of best friends when we had seen Lyssa and Penelope get onto us. I’d actually say that if it wasn’t for Penelope and Lyssa being best friends then Ali and I wouldn’t have hooked up so much as best friends.
Now that I’ve realized how my latest best friend turned dog was comprised of I have a better understanding of the situation. Look at everyone whom I know. Keith has Tamsen, Tamsen has Min-Su, Min-Su has Jett, Jett has me, Shawn and Tatton have each other, Ralf has his brother’s, Lucas and Simon have each other, Ali has Penelope and Penelope has Lyssa. Here I am left with no one but me right now, no one sounds good. Before I used to have Lyssa, I used to have Ali, heck I even used to have Jewell and Imad was transparently there at some stages but now I have none. Void is my friendship at its best.
Last night before getting to sleep or writing my last entry I took the liberty of searching the whole of my computer for programs that would have related to Jewell. The clean up of her presence was in full swing and I cleaned out every memory there that wasn’t needed except for the main portions of the CD and its cover. That after all could become handy when I go for a new job in the field of art and desktop publishing. More and More I keep letting go of Jewell and in the past week or more that I haven’t talked with her I haven’t thought of her or spoken of her reminiscently in these here pages.
The time is now almost midnight and after this entry I’d say it was about time for me to get to sleep. Once again I haven’t received my form for the last month and once again I’ll have to acquire one from Centrelink. These non forms are starting to piss me off and before the day is over I’ll have to run some errands. You see, that Novotel deal I was telling you about before, I gave my Credit Card number over. They are holding it on their records and because I don’t want to be a part of it anymore I will call back and take my name of it so that when I do have enough money to take out they won’t. Tomorrow I am also supposed to be going to that interview in Liverpool that Centrelink arranged for me but not only do I have to hand in my form but I won’t have any money to catch a train until Monday.
Not sure if I’ve explained today’s actions, things have been pretty spooky with these here pages. There must have been a couple of pages wiped out because I think we were already up to 230 pages, who knows. Well, let me explain what happened today even though I thought I knew what happened. If I am correct, Lyssa called me late last night at 10:30 p.m. and we talked about the CD and I was happy she called. When that was done I stayed up until late that night, so late that I became tired. This morning I woke up around 10:00 a.m. and from that I was somewhat still sleepy and groggy. Now looking back in my entries I know I had written about this but now it’s been lost somewhere.
Let me explain in short bursts of detail as the night has almost come to an end and my eyes get tired. Before I recite my day let me just elaborate upon a thought and image in my head. Remembering the day that Lyssa and I were coming back from the Novotel in Wollongong by train I recall going around a large bend or horse shaped circle that circled around a smallish town 100 meters down from the track. It’s like the track circled the little town close to the ocean with its own beach and own bushy train station. As we came from one side to the other I still adore the beauty that my eyes had seen and I remember Lyssa and I saying to each other “This place is cool, we have to come here and check it out one day but it looks pretty desolate, like an old person’s hangout”.
Today I woke up around 9:30 a.m. and I’m not sure what I done for the day before writing in my Diary. My thoughts are that I had something to eat and then I had a shower and that’s when I started on my computer. After my computer session I called up the Liverpool place and told them why I couldn’t make it. When all this was done I turned on my system and what do you know, my boredom was broken by Simon, yippee. He asked me to the movies and after some hocus pocus of acquiring some money we left. The movie was ‘Small Soldiers’ and the highlight of the visit to Macarthur Square were the one or two decent looking girls up there. The movie itself was alright when there were no real actors, the animated characters were better.
Stepping out of the movies (Where we didn’t really have to pay as there was no one at the door) we headed back for the car and then to Nissan in Leumeah where Buck tried to have a jacket replaced because it was a size too small. Yep, he handed over the jacket and he has to wait for two days. All he received was a card from the guy and if it was me I’d ask for something more concrete before I hand over my jacket. Anyway, from there we drove back to my house and Simon stayed over for another half an hour before it was his time to drive to work.
When Simon was gone I basically didn’t do anything but rearrange my speakers once again. When Simon was over here I changed my 10” speakers so that they would give out midrange. Hooking the crossovers up I listened and although there was more midrange there and it was very noticeable, the straining from the speakers was also noticeable. For the rest of the day into the night no one really called me except for Keith about an hour ago now. The only company I had for those hours was my CD player, the computer and the television. It’s probably going to be like that for a while. Maybe Jett and I will become better friends after our ventures to the beach and we will become buddies. Maybe I will find better friends when I get myself a job or on the beach. Maybe my life will start picking up at the dawn of next month. Who knows what will happen. All I know is that since the first day of this month where I had taken off my Golden Chain to renew my fate, I haven’t taken it off since. Maybe this will become a new fad for me but all of last month I didn’t take my chain off and on the last day I took my chain off overnight to renew the powers of fate within. When the end of this month comes, once again I will take off my chain for the first time in that month to renew once again Fate.
Now as the time is 12:28 a.m. and the day is officially Friday I shall scoot off to my bed and sleep so that I don’t have reoccurring late night’s like a couple of months ago. Praise the almighty that gave me these early nights. I believe that if I was having late nights then I would become more lonely and insane.
Diary Of A Mad Chaos is a daily diary written from March 1996 until today, of which individual books and book series have been created, namely “The Lost Years” an exploration of young, entwined love, the “Wubao In China (猎艳奇缘)” book series which provides an extensive comparative analysis of the cultural differences between Eastern and Western societies, and the book titled “Foreigner (华人)” an exploration of race relations in Australia.
