Lyssa Like Water in a Pond
My relationship with Lyssa is like water in a pond. Where to stir the water would cause it to ebb and flow with lesser diminishing until finally it disperse to naught, those rhythms dictate our dying passion. With each stirring hand of hostility or passion, it flows as one wave that hits the embankment of my emotional tolerance just the same.
The embankment is the forefront of our resistance and with each sweeping of emotional waves upon it, they with time will decrease in size. That is how I feel, where Lyssa and I get on a wave with our passions only to ride it into chaos. The fact that Lyssa and I haven’t talked for days has diminished the size of the ebbing wave created by our initial stirring of emotions. When the ripples will disperse to naught I do not know but, the swell is weakening and one day our surging crest will be nonexistence.
A New Month and the Gym
The first of a new month, a new vibe, a new era, a sleepier me. Yes, I might be seeing myself getting to sleep earlier tonight because I am feeling a tad tired because of the food I ate and the strenuous workout at the Gym today. The Gym is a good start to a new month, where all that eroded me to nothing last month has ceded and I now am like a new man, with a new beginning.
However, with my week and a half away from the Gym in my mind I realized that my will to head to the Gym is so easily curbed. When you think upon it, the longest I have ever trained at a Gym in one period would be no more than a year and usually I lose inspiration to silly things. This time around it has been to my lack of money and although I had money at the time I didn’t feel inspired to head to the Gym.
Back in the day, it was small things like allowing friends to come to the Gym with me and then make me lose motivation because they left after one workout. My drive is hard once in there but my stomach is weak when it comes to easy excuses.
A Broken Chain and a Phone Call
This month undoubtedly shall start of anew as there have been many uncanny things that have happened to me today. Firstly, my day began when I answered the ringing phone at around midday but to my horror and surprise I broke my chain while getting up. It had caught up on the blanket and straight away I knew that it had come off but did not worry about it too much.
Having money to spare I knew I could head to Campbelltown and get it fixed on the day so there were no hassles. Casha was on the phone as we chatted about her life, mine and then idle talk. Casha (Who is my cousin I think) strikes me as a very intelligent person, someone who is in the know and who knows people in high places. Anyway, we chatted for a couple of minutes and then in the nude I walked to the stairs to call out mum and headed back to sleep.
A Month Named After a Pun
Hope, shall I ever rid it. Abundance of hope I always have at the start of any month and as it usually doesn’t go too well, like a tire, it wears down towards the end of the month. All my hopes and dreams within that thinning tread and when it comes to the end of the road at the end of every month, I change that tire.
This road does seem long and my faith more brief than any passing traveler but I will give fate the all to which it is worth. For this new month I have designed a new name, which does bring along pessimism, optimism and dubiety. As uncertain the outcome this new month will serve, the uncertainty of past misfortune is brought to light. Misfortune’s pond might anon waive disperse is the title of this month and let us hope the uncertainty is definitely brought to us from within that name.
Ultimately, this title introduces the hope and skepticism that misfortune will be a thing of the past. There is a play on words involving the word ‘Waive’ and if you were just to speak it a different meaning with this pun could be established. Spoken, this title would indicate (With ‘Wave’ as ‘Waive’) that misfortune will once again spread in April and it will run a muck.
However, if you were to digest it by means of reading you would understand that I am hoping misfortune will settle the rippling of my life. Hopefully, misfortune will give up the spreading in different directions of my life that it takes itself upon. Thus, there is a double meaning to my month showing the dubiety and confusion as to what will eventuate.
Five Nights Without Lyssa
Getting back to my reprimand with Lyssa, here’s to another night having not spoken to her. Holding five nights now that we have not spoken, she is really trying to make a point, but what. Lyssa is angry at me because I tried to think about myself for once and her ruining my night wasn’t good enough for me to skip a boring hour of waiting around as she done her hair. That in all is Lyssa’s argument and I think it’s funny and great how she’s taken a stand.
Seriously, sex shouldn’t be a chore or feel like work but each night that I am with Lyssa (in these past months only) I feel like I am working where it plays on my hassled mind. Back in the day I didn’t have to think “If I do this and that then I will get something in return” and even though I done so much I got nothing back for my efforts. Dormant would be the best way to describe Lyssa’s bid to get me going, to put some effort into our sexual endeavors. Rather than working for my own climax it is usually an anticlimax that I strive to achieve when between those sheets.
Excluding all the red zones I cannot ask for during sex, if I want more action I have to work harder. If Lyssa and I were still going out then my thinking that sex was a chore would be a sign to move on or have some major talks. However, Lyssa is so hard to talk about sex with because she gets upset hearing any bad news which makes me less prone to speak of it. What am I to do for a good time, what am I to do…
Old Habits Creeping Back
The knack for typing, reading Shakespeare, writing poetry, getting some sun, art, philosophy and the Gym are slowly but surely creeping back into my body. If I sat down and gave poetry some effort I would be able to come up with something tonight but despite my mind being into the idea I feel I should wait anon.
Waiting on News From Kosovo
Speaking of waiting, that is all I can seem to do for more reports about the war in Kosovo, so close to my homeland. When the war of Kuwait began many people thought that it would turn into Word War III but I didn’t have that vibe. However, foreseeing that Russia were going to place eight battleships near Kosovo waters when the two leaders talked for a peace treaty I predict that this war will escalate to such levels. How ironic, Nostradamus predicted it and my country is in the middle of it, the founders of the next world war.
To date, there has been much of a bombing campaign against Kosovo which are now landing bombs in Belgrade. Here I am so far away from the action but my country is just next door to the genocide taking place. A new twist to the plot is that three American ground troops that were stationed on the border of Kosovo have been caught and flaunted on their television. Despite the obvious holocaust that might emanate from such destructive forces, I feel as if it a great time to be alive. To be able to speak of the war, the tragedies and live within that era while producing this Diary, what a gold mine of wealth.
Diary Of A Mad Chaos is a daily diary written from March 1996 until today, of which individual books and book series have been created, namely “The Lost Years” an exploration of young, entwined love, the “Wubao In China (猎艳奇缘)” book series which provides an extensive comparative analysis of the cultural differences between Eastern and Western societies, and the book titled “Foreigner (华人)” an exploration of race relations in Australia.
