Planning to Be the Next Shakespeare (Part 1) – Mad Chaos: March 9, 1999

Wanting a Creative Life

My pursuit to become who I want to be has been drawing closer and closer. There are dreams that I wish to aspire to and they have been semitransparent but I have taken a step closer to my true goals. Having a nine to five job, I’ve realized that this isn’t me. This I don’t say because I’m lazy but because the creative part within me will be quenched and as a painter, a writer or a musician all have unrestrained lives, I wish to be within that realm. They do what they love, just like people of sports and what’s more they get paid for it.

I would like to live my life that I live now of poetry and I would love to be renowned for what I do and be called the next Shakespeare but I still have to be noticed, I have to put myself out there. Yet, I have a master plan and that involves me waiting until I have created one hundred publishable Sonnets which will the basis of my beginning and rise.

Three Things I Need

The true life that I want to live right now is missing three parts of inspiration that will help my poetry and my creativeness as well as bring content to my life. Right now I don’t have much to be happy about except for the computer I have and the poems I write with it. However, I gather that a car, a laptop computer and living most of my days amongst the sun and beautiful outdoor settings would increase the beatitude of my life and make me more open to my creativeness.

What more freedom would a car give to me but physical freedom, away from my dark and sober room. What more freedom to creativeness and intellect could a laptop computer yield to me. What more freedom and fresh exuberance could the luxury of sitting astride the sun’s rays, outside in the tranquil breeze, away from this dismal room. To make my life whole and more fulfilled, these three items I would need, for my mind, body and soul to unite in entity.

Remembering the Fig Tree

Thinking back upon the history of the lost years I remember the fig tree where I sat with Jewell the night before the party and the downfall of our relationship. I remember that fig tree as a symbol of an era of betrothed love that was to abruptly end. That was the last moment of my affection with Jewell and I would like to savor that in having it known as an ending of a harmonious era and the dawning of an artistic era of poetry.

The era is firmly planted in my mind and I know that when I do achieve these three things on the checklist to coming full circle with my poetry, that fig tree will be the basis where I comprise my Sonnets. With a car, I will be able to travel to the fig tree in the City and with my laptop computer I will be able to sit at that fig tree which represents the third need, sitting aside the sun with inspiration that only this place of great passion could give.

My blithe times with Jewell were all embodied in that fig tree, as if it had carried the brunt of all my passionate life. To sit under it would not only be an inspiration, but a privilege to my true self, that I shall savor the all for my poetry.

A Thousand Sonnets by 2010

With these visions set of my future I have new ambitions and goals to aspire to. Uttermost, I would strive to write 8 Sonnets a month, 100 Sonnets a year and by the year 2010 I wish to have created 1000 Sonnets. Short terms goals to mid term goals and my long term goal of poetry, that is my master plan to be recognized as a great amongst this world’s poets. Shakespeare wrote over a hundred Sonnets in his lifetime and many plays but I will write many Sonnets and play on words.

By the year 2010 I will not only achieve this multitude of Sonnet experience but I will have created many other forms of poetry that will much equal the potency of my numerous Sonnets. Let it be known then, this is my strive and I strive to have it recognized. What would normality then bring me, if my job was like others, without creativeness. If I were to work 9 to 5 I would not reach these goals, that I would not.

Madden 99 and a Cranky Phone Call

Getting now to a more simpler day, Sunday shall be the marker of chronology. Getting home around 9:00 a.m. I started to play Madden 99 with the Play Station that Shawn had lent me. Not playing a game for the whole time I practiced plays from the San Francisco side and wrote them down so I would have some defense for when I played against Shawn that night. Nearing 11:30 a.m. I received a call from Lyssa and at the time, because I was awake it didn’t feel a weird time.

Nevertheless, that would normally be my fast asleep in bed time and later it ticked me off. Asking me about my Saturday night off the bat I answered her in a cranky tone because I was getting tired and wanted to get to sleep. On top of that I didn’t feel like talking about my night as I knew Lyssa would have a discerning view upon it. Saying our departing words I told Lyssa that I would call her later in the day.

By these words I did stick but lately I have been forgetting to call Lyssa when I said I would after our two day long void of conversation. Maybe it’s due to our not talking that I’ve started to push Lyssa aside or maybe it’s because I’m too busy to remember but the point is it’s been going on for a couple of days now.

Slowly my eyes began to open beneath the crusty residue of my eyelids and they began to see the light of day. The time was 2:30 p.m. when I did wake up again and as I did I thought to give Lyssa a call. Somewhat calmer than before but still a little agitated and abordinate with my words she asked of my night again. Giving only facets of information the tables turned from my night to Lyssa’s night and like usual, I didn’t even have to ask.

Nikita Gets Shameless

Informing me of Friday night at the Catholic Club, Nikita was being shameless in her pursuit to allure the men. Lyssa told me how a couple of guys came up to talk to them and Nikita started being overeager in her conversation with them, being flirtatious. Nikita said “What do you think of my friend” and as she pointed to Lyssa the guys said something like “She’s too difficult”. Seeming to take offence to that as Lyssa recited their words I gathered that Lyssa didn’t like being deemed the one who always held her emotions in a fetal position.

They thought Lyssa was either hard to get along with, hard to talk to or just plain timid. Our conversation didn’t last too long but after I hung up I did get to talk to Lyssa later in the night. We talked around 6:00 p.m. for another fifteen minutes because our conversation was redundant and repetitive. Despite that I had to get off the phone because Shawn had called me up and he was coming over my house around 7:30 p.m.

Five Games Against Shawn

For the rest of my night when Shawn came over at 7:30 p.m. we hooked up the Play Station and played Madden 99. Heading over to my house by his mum I knew that he would either have to walk home, ask for a lift or wait until really early in the morning and then leave. Knowing that I had plenty to get to for chronology’s sake in my Diary we played until midnight and then it was time for him to head off.

In the time that Shawn was over my house we played five games of Madden 99. The first game was fairly close where I lost only by one touchdown thanks to my written down plays. Now I don’t think I’ve beaten Shawn on Madden 99 yet but I know I used to whoop ass on Madden 97 when he brought it over. The next three games were once again won by Shawn where the point scores varied from being close to being blown out by a 20 point deficit.

The last game was the closest where we were touchdown for touchdown. It ended up coming down to a sudden death match in which Shawn won the coin toss and then went on to win the game.

When midnight arrived and our last scheduled game had been played we packed up the Play Station and Shawn then planned his trip home. Knowing that his mum would be asleep and no one would pick him up he decided to walk and could only blame himself as he noted. Giving him a plastic bag for the Play Station it had just stopped sprinkling and for the rest of his walk home it didn’t rain at all. For the rest of my Sunday night and into Monday morning I spent it on the computer, detailing past chronology as I am doing tonight.