Hiding in the Motel Shower (Part 5) – Mad Chaos: March 29, 1999

Why I Refused Her Offer

Through our conversation Lyssa insisted that she go down on me so I would be happy but I explained to her that this would only cause anger and more controversy. If Lyssa had gone down on me, I explained there could have been two possibilities. Firstly, if Lyssa had played a magnificent role in my pleasure I would be elated but she could probably see my fulfillment as me using her for sex. I didn’t want Lyssa to think that I was just using her for oral sex and taking advantage of her and I didn’t want Lyssa to resent me afterwards.

The second reaction would be me reaching orgasm but still feeling the same anger with Lyssa as I had felt before we began. This was also an evident possibility and if it had occurred Lyssa would feel cheap, used and angry at my not showing gratitude. Either way I was going to feel some reaction for Lyssa and as much as I wanted Lyssa to go down on me I hesitated as fear of the end result.

On top of that, I was too proud to let Lyssa go down on me because I knew it would probably only be a one of despite Lyssa telling me she wanted to do it so badly and she loved me so much.

A Slip in the Conversation

Within a minute I started talking about the topic of oral sex without referring to it gathering that Lyssa would know what I was talking about. “You probably wouldn’t want to do it anyway” I suggested to her but she oddly turned to me and surprised me by saying “Why would I do that”. Further into our new conversation I asked what Lyssa thought we were talking about and she replied “Aren’t we talking about sex”.

This frustrated me because now I knew for sure that Lyssa was trying to avoid the subject of oral sex, she didn’t really want to do it and she was trying now to condone our actions to the favor of sex. Pausing for a couple of seconds too long after Lyssa told me she was referring to sex I could hear her saying “Oh-oh” in her head.

Once more Lyssa protested on how she would go down on me after making her mistake in words but now I was certain that I didn’t want her going down on me if she didn’t want to be there, my mind was made up.

Lyssa Falls Asleep on Me

With the night coming closer to a conclusion Lyssa and I just lay on the bed talking to each other and in time Lyssa made her way into my arms. Knowing there was no victory to my feelings I also knew that my night had been a big waste. Lyssa got exactly what she came for, she had her pleasure but for the fact that Lyssa didn’t react and then reacted too late, my night had been lost. I felt empty because of this, knowing I was at a motel for sex but not receiving any, it was killing me.

As the time ticked into 2:00 a.m. Lyssa started getting tired and falling asleep on my Chest and despite my trying to keep her awake she got herself to sleep. It would have been nice if I was the first one to get to sleep whilst having Lyssa pamper me towards that road but it never happened. The only consolation I got in the night was for Lyssa to run her fingers up and down my back to make a soothing and tickling sensation run through me, that was all the effort Lyssa could muster up.

A Sleepless Misadventure

Regret came over me when Lyssa finally got herself to sleep. I was so flustered with anger because Lyssa got all that she wanted and I basically got nothing of the sort. There she was sleeping happily, speaking admirably in her sleep and myself, I was lying there with my loins ready to burst but with no one to help me pop them. The night we had been planning for a while had turned from great thoughts to a murderous ending to my thoughts.

The television did not keep my carnal appetite fed through the night and I was considering pleasing myself and getting that feeling out of my system but seeing Lyssa sleeping in the nude did bring me to a lustful curiosity. Beginning with my hand on her ass I continued with my interest and with my lust at full swing I began my appetite to stick my finger where it did not belong. With Lyssa still sleeping I had placed my finger slightly into her after some searching through a small bushy maze.

With me rising to the sudden situation I went a step further and brought myself right behind Lyssa. Placing myself upon her I felt the lustful sensation run through my whole body, I needed contentment. Let me just say that Lyssa is a fairly heavy sleeper and even if she were to wake up she would not remember a thing, that’s the beauty of my fascination. Thus, I took off the sheets from Lyssa and with her lying on her side and with her legs bent as if sitting in a chair I came behind her.

Finding he with my finger I held her there as I made my way towards her in my kneeling position. I don’t think that I got more than a centimeter inside of her but I was amazed that Lyssa didn’t even look like waking up when I started my motion. It did become somewhat mobile and Lyssa was rocking enough to be woken up but she kept in her vivid dreams. Because it was so interesting to me and my loins were about to burst I was reaching orgasm fairly quickly.

That would have pleased me to have done so but Lyssa moved just as I was about to climax and as she did I had to get out of her.

Lying back down next to Lyssa after my misadventure I lay there being unfortunate a third time and despite the tension building up in the whole of my body I was powerless. I did use my finger once or twice after Lyssa had kept me from pleasing myself but the time was wearing away and I wanted to save myself for any chance in the morning. I hoped that Lyssa would wake up around 9:00 a.m. and please me just before leaving like we had done the first time upon staying at the motel but it never happened.

Waking Up Angry

The time was 4:30 a.m. when I finally got myself to sleep as I thought it would be useless to delay myself any longer with my angers. The thought of staring at the ceiling with a great animosity for the night’s events was not of fortunate call so I just slept instead. When the time reached 8:30 a.m. the both of us began to wake up but it wasn’t how I was expecting it.

Instead of Lyssa hinting that she wanted to have sex, please or satisfy me she just jumped up while saying “I’m going to have a shower now and get ready to go home”. In the early hours of the morning Lyssa acted as if nothing was wrong and as she jumped in to have her shower I was fuming with anger. Lyssa could have even invited me in for a shower with her but she denied me that also and as she did shower I started at the ceiling showing nothing but degrading thoughts for our night.

Hiding in the Shower

Making her way out of the shower Lyssa then continued to the mirror to do her makeup but on her way there I had my eyes closed pretending that I was still tired. The only reason I had feigned such an act was because Lyssa would see the hate in my eyes. With Lyssa doing her makeup and keeping to herself I commented that I was going to jump into the shower myself. Turning on the tap and harboring myself under the calm water’s spray I considered this my only soothing and safe haven for the morning.

This was as far away as I could get from Lyssa’s ill-deeds without leaving the room and with my depression and regret for the whole night I sat myself on the bathroom floor. My mind was blank apart from the thought that a bitch was in the next room and I tried to keep myself in the shower for as long as possible.

Half an Hour Under the Water

Half an hour did drag on as I tried to collect all of the water that was falling. The problem with the shower was that it had such a small area of water coming out so I would be cold on certain parts of my body. Finally turning off the taps I sat on the floor for a little while longer and not being able to delay for any longer I dried myself off sluggishly with the towel.

Not Saying a Word

When I made my way back into the room Lyssa was still doing her makeup and to my surprise she did not say a word about my length in the shower. Actually, Lyssa didn’t say any words at all, she just kept at what she was doing. Lying back down on the bed I turned the television on so I wouldn’t have to talk with Lyssa and in the odd circumstance that I did I had to put on a happier voice to what I was feeling.

With time gradually passing I hoped that Lyssa would stop dragging time along and she would ask me if I wanted to be fulfilled but it never happened. The dream of Lyssa having pleasured me didn’t exist in our morning and so and sadly, it does not exist in this Diary. When 9:30 a.m. arrived Lyssa finally was ready to head out and as we made our way out the front door I knew for certain that my efforts and whole night had been wasted.

There was to be no satisfaction and I was to go home with balls the size of planets and all because I wasn’t given a simple treatment of carnal satisfaction.

Walking Toward the Station

Walking without expression or conversation we talked of heading to Macdonald’s the night before but to prove a point I kept walking towards the station as if I didn’t remember. “Don’t you want to have breakfast at Macdonald’s” Lyssa asked me and I told her we should if she wanted to. In truth, I didn’t want to take Lyssa’s money because I was so pissed off with her for the pain and agony she put me through the night before.

Yet, Lyssa didn’t realize how angry I was because I was keeping a relatively straight face but I gathered my walking towards the station would have sparked something. When at Macdonald’s I let Lyssa head in by herself to buy the food as I waited outside on the seats by myself. While there in the sun I thought upon our night and how such a glorious sun was not worthy of my feelings. Impatient to wait for Lyssa I made my way inside and as she had just ordered the food and was coming to meet me I had the both of us inside.

Breakfast Without a Smile

In the whole time I was with Lyssa in the morning I did not give a hint of a smile, satisfaction or gratitude. This I feel is the reason that Lyssa started to question my thoughts and feelings and as she asked me if I was happy I told her the truth, I wasn’t. “Why aren’t you happy” she asked me and as I didn’t want to blurt out all the insults under the sun that would inevitably upset Lyssa I just answered “Everything”.

That however did not sit well with Lyssa and as we both looked so upset and somber I looked around to notice people were looking at us with concern. They could obviously see the melancholy expressions we were portraying to each other but all they could do was to wonder as to what was wrong or who had died. Finding my food hard to eat in front of Lyssa as I was so conscious of her it took me a while to eat a small burger and I rejected a hash brown she offered me.