Road Lines, Shyness and a Movie Plot (Part 1) – Mad Chaos: February 28, 1999

A Weekend to Remember

What better way to end a month than with a weekend full of excitement, a visit to the Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras for the first time and a nice and relaxing Sunday afternoon after such a hectic and tiring two nights. Sitting here in the earlier hours of the afternoon I know that I must start early with my chronology of Friday and Saturday night if I will get them done before this month has ended and a new era begins for me.

Besides the point of this fantastic weekend I endured I have some loose notes to add and some thoughts among other subjects. Before I do write of that in the next paragraph let me just note that ever so slowly I’m opening up to the female population again. Before in my heydays about three years ago I used to be smooth Tony but now I’m just timid Tony. Last night had seen a little bit of an impressionable stage out of me where we did talk to girls and I did forget my embarrassment and anxiety behind, if only for a little while.

Inspiration on the Road

As you must all know by now, my greatest place of inspiration is in the shower, with the water running and raining down my skin. Up until Friday night I thought this was the only real place apart from my room where I can gather thoughts and instigate answers but driving to Wollongong that night, I found another. A rushing road, sweeping trees, a full moon where the clouds are gilded with the moon’s luminescent glow.

The wintry feeling of the dark night, the lines amongst the rushing road that fall out of your vision, under the car and rapidly into your thoughts like a subconscious gesture. This trance like state I endure when I was sitting in Ralf’s car on Friday night heading to Wollongong was another dwelling for my thought, another temperament for my inspirational ways. With nothing but music playing in the background I tuned myself out as I watched the road creeping up on us but I didn’t really get inspiration from that.

The only inspiration I received from that was to write poetically about my new found source of inspiration but that quickly relented. Rather, tuning out while being driven in a car and watching the lines in the middle of the road makes me think of past memories. That night I was just thinking of the lost years and I found that every time the lines in the middle of the road would split or change in some way my thoughts would also make a change. However, with these past thoughts that I conjure in these times of reminiscent disposition I can create new poetical thoughts as I create ideas from old plays within my mind.

My Selective Memory

Speaking more now in terms of memory I should note that myself and Ralf both think I have ‘Selective Memory’. Noting before that I only tend to remember the things I want to remember and forgetting those that aren’t as important I add now some more information.

Selective Memory is definitely within me but last night when I met three beautiful girls I couldn’t remember their names after a minute. Somehow in the all of the moment after getting their names I seemed to forget because I was concentrating on our conversation. However so, I remember that they all started with vowels and I think their names were Azalea, Emma and the other started with ‘A’ which I think was Aurelia.

Naive With Women

Bridging Selective Memory to my next topic of conversation I believe that because of my Selective Memory and my being kept in the dark about so many issues in my childhood, I come across as naïve (but only to myself) when approaching new situations. When a new situation arises that I haven’t done before but a normal person with commonsense could tackle it, I would be left without a clue. An example would be my being shy around women these days simply because I don’t know how they would react and I’m too afraid that they will reject me more often than not.

Everyone else that I know can read a woman and see that she likes me or wants to chat by looking at her but most of the time I have trouble doing that and thus, look naïve to myself.

For example, there was a hot girl last night that I was dancing right near and Ralf could see she liked me, her friends could see it and I could also see it but because I’ve never approached someone on a dance floor before I didn’t know what to do. Thoughts were running through my mind about what to say or how to react to get her attention but even the simplest thing turned out to be gut wrenching.

Commonsense dictates to just tap her on the shoulder and get her attention so I could dance with her and when Ralf told me that after we stopped dancing I slapped myself in the head knowing that I could have done that but I couldn’t think of it.

I have to read a situation before I have any commonsense about it and thus, I’m stuck in this unlearnt world trying to get out and the only way out is to learn off other’s people’s knowledge and words. I can do things for myself but I have to learn of a situation even if it is simple for anyone else to use commonsense in. My commonsense is sidetracked by my anxiety in most cases and my naïveté in others.

Visions After a Night Out

Changing the subject now but not far off the track, I have a new phenomena that happens to me after I go out to a club or I see many beautiful women of a night. This occurrence happens when I close my eyes after seeing so much beautiful women and when I do I see vivid pictures of women, beautiful women. Once my eyelids greet each other I’ll see ladies in all kinds of clothing that I had seen in the night and some women that my fantasy had just created.

Most of these women aren’t spectacular that I chance to envision in my mind but let me tell you, seeing these visions makes me want to close my eyes more often. When this usually happens I explain to whoever’s with me what I see, be it blonde, skirt, a group of girls or the scenery that they are in within my mind. It’s good when all these girls within one area of my night left such a lasting impression on my mind that I daydream about them. Do you think this is a strange phenomenon, I don’t think it is.

A Movie Idea

Now, getting to the baser thoughts I have two ideas or story lines (If you would like to call them that) in my mind. The first tale could be used for a movie and I came up with this a couple of days ago when in thought within the shower, let me explain the story line. The story has two main characters where one of them was an orphaned child who was adopted and the other was within a family.

As the story begins and without knowing the background of either person, the attention is on the adopted child. Both of them being around 25 years of age now they had both taken a holiday, let’s say to America. One night the both of them meet in a pub and chatting away they find they have things in common and for that they become friends on their holiday stay. For the next seven or so days they spend it together getting to know each other more.

The adopted guy says to the other guy that he has a family out there he’s never met and a half brother somewhere in the world. The other guy notes that he has a half brother and his parents orphaned a child when it was young because they were young parents at the time. Laughing off the thought that the both of them could be half brothers their week ends and soon it is time to say farewell. The both of them don’t ask for phone numbers or anything like that but they say “Look me up in the future if you ever come down to where I’m living”.

Two Brothers Missing Each Other

When the adopted guy gets back home he’s inspired now to look in the records to see who his real father was and to his surprise, the last name coincides with the guy who he met on his holiday and spent a week with. Now knowing who his half brother is and remembering key details they had in their conversation he sets off to search for his half brother and family.

Meanwhile, the other guy gets back home and asking his parents about the orphaned child backing himself up with key details from the guy, he also links the both of them together. The rest of the movie or story has the both of them searching for each other where they both find clues from their conversation to find where each other lives.

The only problem was that they done it at the same time and both brother’s visited each other’s residence but they didn’t see each other. One chatted with the adopted child’s parents about him and the adopted child talked with his real parents or parent. The movie ends when the both of them meet back where they first met in America, either just the two of them together or with the whole two families.