Yawning Through Sunrise and Dodging a Nightclub (Part 1) – Mad Chaos: March 14, 1999

Autumn Is Dying Fast

Autumn’s dying is living up to its name thus far. Payments will cease this month, my going out has ceased, meeting people has ceased and my relationship with Lyssa is deteriorating. Branded with a stigmatic decline, this month sure isn’t looking up in much aspects, even my poetry is lagging. The time once again is so early in the morning but it is misleading. Tonight I did go out but only out of sheer struggle to get out of boredom for my night. My Diary entry could have swung Ralf’s way if I wanted to go to Richmond with him so we could see his brother but once again, that’s just as fun as seeing Rochelle again.

My next course of action other than staying home and being bored for the next eight or more hours was to call Keith and see what his plans were. The details I will leave to a later paragraph but let’s just say my night was saved and just above boredom as we headed to ‘Subway’ and also having Simon with us. Going out has become less of a spectacle and with less of a crowd as most have left this initial boring group. Despite lack of excitement in our weekends these days it beats staying home and being bored to the shithouse.

A Yawn That Would Not Finish

Starting now my short running chronology, let me just note that I once again didn’t get to sleep when I wanted to last night. Jumping onto my waterbed at 6:00 a.m. I kept tossing and turning around trying to get comfortable but my biggest problem was my continual yawning. Should I say, my continual attempts to yawn. The yawns came to me as normal but they wouldn’t complete themselves and they would leave me feeling in need of a proper yawn before relaxing once again.

There were times when I would sit up out of bed just to get out a proper yawn but even that didn’t help me most of the time. This continued for about twenty minutes as I kept punching myself in the stomach and bellowing from inside so I could force out the need to yawn but it just wasn’t going anywhere. Trying my luck on the floor I once again didn’t find any comfort as I was now making myself yawn just for the sake of getting out a proper yawn.

When I did actually yawn I would be alright for a couple of seconds and then I would have to yawn again.

Sunrise in the Backyard

Annoyed with my helplessness I knew that I was in the stage of overtiredness as my eyes would be watering even though they were closed and I couldn’t stand too much light. Despite my tiredness I jumped out of my bed on the floor and with my cargo pants I walked to the backyard. Seeing that it was 7:00 a.m. before I went out there I got the chance to view the contrast of clouds in the sky. Looking to where the sun was arising from I could see the pink in the clouds and the blue in the sky but on the other side I could see rain clouds building in darkness.

Sitting on a side wall near my side gate entrance out in the backyard I kept watching the clouds, the sun and the magnificent sky for the next half an hour. If the grass wasn’t wet with morning dew I would have laid upon it and just slept but there was no chance of that. With my nose becoming more irritable to breathe when I lie down (Only a fraction) I thought some fresh air would clear it as it was somewhat run with mucus.

That half an hour in the sun was once again a great experience and if it were anywhere else, it would not be as tranquil as my backyard. The tranquility of all the trees surrounding me, grass and tall plants everywhere. As quiet as outer space and in the comforts of my own house, it did give me a sense of serenity and calmness. However, the fig tree in the City is a different matter of tranquility, one where I can gather inspiration from but with more due noise than my room creates.

The Lady Across the Street

Stepping back into my room I made myself something to eat and decided to stay up for the long haul or as long as felt fit. Once in my room I noticed that the lady from across the street had a car out the front of her house. Not having seen her for a little while now I saw what I think was her stepping out of the car. It’s hard to pick if it’s her half of the time because it seems she’s never there and when I do see someone that I think is her now she’s not all that I thought she was cracked up to be, she must have a sister.

Anyway, whoever jumped out of that car had all scruffy hair as if she hadn’t been to sleep or she had been romping around all night with frantic sex. To top that predicament she was wearing an oversized shirt that looked like it belonged to a man and from what I could see in my vantage point, she was only wearing underwear, no pants. Now I might be wrong about this one because I had to duck down as I thought she was looking but heading to my front door I gathered it was either pink underwear or really short tight shorts.

There was too much leg showing for it to be anything else and the guy in the car looked a bit business orientated and more clean cut. So, she was either at his house and fucking him losing track of time or she’s a hooker and that’s her pimp daddy, your call.

Taping Video Clips

Keeping myself up to watch Rage and then Video Hits I taped some of the best video clips from songs including ‘Babe One More Time’ by ‘Britney Spears’. Nearing midday I hadn’t received a call from anyone and I didn’t feel like calling Lyssa or anyone else that early so I just got myself to sleep. For the next couple of hours my sleep was blissful until I was woken up at 6:00 p.m. by Ralf calling me.

Two Weekends Without Lyssa

At first I thought that it would be Lyssa but it wasn’t and I’m surprised that Lyssa once again didn’t call me for another night. This has now been two weekends in a row where Lyssa and I haven’t talked for two nights. This is a spin to reality now, one that I hoped and knew would come but now that I’m here I’m a bit afraid for the future. Knowing that Lyssa will not be around for the rest of my life I have lost my first potential chance of marriage.

To be truthful, I know that Lyssa and I couldn’t get married because we are so different to each other and there are so many things that Lyssa just isn’t that I need from someone. Yet, this separation and not talking for the past couple of weeks has isolated me more and now I am more anxious about my future. Turning twenty one by the end of this year I am getting on in age and my biggest fear is that I’ll turn 25 years old and I’ll still be without someone that would marry me.

I want to find that woman that will be my wife, one that I will love and know that she will love my children. I don’t want to be one of those 25 year olds who are stuck in the stereotype of going out with girls in their teens and hearing the girls saying “Don’t worry, he’s a young twenty five, not an old twenty five” to their parents. Oh, the woes that comes with love, if only it were a book, that I might read my destiny or a picture, that makes me shun with anxiety to the beloved.

Ralf Plans a Nightclub Trip

Chatting with Ralf when he did decide to call me he told me of his plans to head out to Richmond to see his brother and then his plan to have the three of us heading to a nightclub together. Preston hasn’t been to a nightclub yet and this is nothing against Preston personally but I don’t want to be stuck in a room with one hyper idiot stuck in the 80’s rap dancing technique and another just stuck in the mind. I could just picture it, me with my all black cleaned up outfit, Ralf with his Hawaiian shirt and Preston with his homeboy shit.

I’ll be doing my regular City Club dancing, Ralf will be flapping his hands and feet around needing his personal space and Preston will just have those eyes wide open and he’ll be dancing but without a clue of what he’s even doing or why. Life is just an eternal question to Preston, one he can’t answer and will always look as if he’s pondering over it, but with a daft smile. I’m not sure why I had to get off the phone but I remember Ralf inviting me up to his brother’s house. The reasons for withholding that invitation was probably because I had to have a shower but as we were hanging up Ralf asked me to call him back later in the night.

Doubting the Free Entry

Passing time had crept up on me and as 7:30 p.m. approached I gave Ralf a call. Still dusty on whether I did or didn’t call him I remember that Ralf was headed up to his brother’s house. Beforehand we had discussed heading to Carmen’s nightclub and Ralf told me it was free before a certain time but I didn’t believe his word for one bit.

Not wanting to be stuck at another shit venue with two lesser deserved of my mind’s company I was hoping that the night would fall apart. Ralf told me that Keith and Binh were also going to head up to Carmen’s with him so I was a bit more enthusiastic upon hearing that but I knew that Keith would not find himself in the same room as Preston, one whom he calls half-witted.

Keith Stays Home

subsequent to my conversation with Ralf, I decided to give Keith a call to see what his plans were for the night. Hearing that Ralf had spoken to him about the night I heard from Keith that he was just going to stay at home and not do nothing for the night. This I knew was his way of getting out of being around Preston so with final words we said our farewells. With Ralf headed to pick up Preston from Richmond and knowing that he would take forever, I knew that we wouldn’t be able to make it to Carmen’s before 9:00 p.m. which was free entry.

The time was 8:00 p.m. when Ralf decided to leave and that only gave him enough time to get out there. Add onto that the time it takes to get back here and then an extra hour to get to Carmen’s and you will realize that it would have been 11:00 p.m. and that’s without getting ready time. Knowing that I didn’t want to go out with just Ralf and Preston but knowing I didn’t want to stay home and be trapped by boredom I gave Keith one more call of near desperation.

Tatton Refuses to Come Out

“What’s up, I just called to tell you that I don’t want to go out with Ralf and I don’t want to sit at home bored so do you want to head to ‘Subway’ or something” I asked Keith as I called him back up. The only problem with that was that Keith was at Tamsen’s house but he told me he would probably call me later in the night. Before we hung up he asked me to ring Tatton and see if he would drive and when I did ring Tatton he was being his usual stupid self.

Being home alone and with nothing to do you would expect Tatton to be appreciative to come out but the response I got was “No, I don’t want to come out tonight, I just don’t want to”. Tatton had no reason of not wanting to come out even though he tried to use the rain dripping down as an excuse but considering we were heading to ‘Subway’ it had no relevance. Keith later told me that Tatton’s reason of not coming out was because Shawn wasn’t going to be with us, his true ambition to come out, his bum chum.

We to him are just acquaintances, Shawn is his best pal and without him, Tatton is lost.

A Night Spiraling Into Boredom

Time progressed slowly in my night as boredom racked upon boredom. There was nothing of interest on the television and I loathed each time I thought about my computer and having only typing and business things to do upon it. Wishing that I only had enough money to rent a game for my IBM I was plagued with the fact I had not a cent to my name. Even the Play Station could have benefited my night that was spiraling downhill and into the pits of apathy but the one game I would have had would have done nothing for my interest levels, the one game I dislike.

Keith gave me a call back around 9:00 p.m. and telling me that he was on his way back to Campbelltown from Tamsen’s house he also mentioned that he would be over soon. Asking me to ring back Tatton once more time to try and persuade him I done just that. Despite my picking up of self pity upon Tatton he was more insistent than before of wanting to stay home, for what reason I didn’t know. However, Tatton’s favorite pastime of touching his dick and breaking the vows of celibacy more than three times a night was my prime suspect of his genius bid to stay home without compromise to my exploiting ways.