Cracking Under Pressure
When it comes to being at a point when you are least confident within yourself, tonight was the night. Tonight could have been so great but like usual I cracked under pressure. Not the sort of pressure that I can handle being running away from cops or cramming for an exam but the kind of pressure that doesn’t get me jobs and sends me into oblivion when I try to talk to girls of the opposite sex.
No more am I a smooth operator as I had been in my glory days but I am certain that now those days of chatting up chicks has been surpassed by my sweet innocence and timidity.
Two Girls in a Commodore
Tonight I had a chance of a lifetime, to chat with two hot girls that I was dancing with in Waves. Walking outside I waited until they also came out and noticed they were both alone. Then heading to the car I noticed them also heading to the car but didn’t say anything. The two girls jumped in a brand new commodore and I gathered that the driver which was a hot blonde was either older than I had expected or she had a very rich boyfriend. Anyway, the other girl with the red top and greatly huge boobs was my objective sitting in the passenger seat.
Mumbling My Way Through Hello
Walking over to Ralf’s car I knew I didn’t want to just head home without having at least tried because I knew she liked me just as much as I liked her. Convincing Ralf to come up with me and help me chat to them I was confident up until the last moment and that is when we passed her car and looked towards the crowd. I was hoping that I wouldn’t have to put up a show because I knew I would embarrass myself and you could say the fear was running in my veins.
Shawn also came out and looking back into the car he started tapping me to inform me that they were behind us. Knowing this and not being able to counteract the inevitable I turned around to see the girl with the red top looking and smiling towards my way. With this I just bit my lip and walked up towards her but anyone could tell I walked there with absolutely no confidence or assurance in myself.
When I get shy or anxious I start talking in the same tone and if you were to hear me you would probably think I was either weird, a serial killer or just plain scared. Well, as I walked up to the girls I tried to say something to them after I fleetly said hello but everything came out all wrong and jumbled up. “I wanted to see you when you were inside but you were with someone else” I said to her in my mumbling schematics.
They replied with half a smile on their face and if I had some confidence in how I approached them I was guaranteed some conversation and probably a number. Alas, because I talked like a crazed idiot that was all I said apart from my mumbling “I’m sorry, I’m just pathetic” and left. Well, that was basically what I said to her but as I left and told Ralf my sad story of deserting two beautiful women who had turned their car off once we arrived I was ashamed and sorry for myself for being so bashful.
Rewinding to Friday Night
Anyway, I didn’t get to finishing Friday night and even though it is very early in the morning and I don’t feel like writing considering that I’ve just had a blowout tonight I’ll try to make it simple. Let me just note that Lyssa didn’t bother to give me a call all Friday and I thought that this would have been the first night in a very long time that we stopped calling each other but I was wrong. Lyssa and I got to talk and see each other at the new nightclub in Macarthur Square but that’s a little later.
From what I had heard, for the night, Shawn, Tyler, Tatton and some others were heading out to the super session to play video games for the night. Apart from having no money myself I didn’t want to do that and my thoughts were exact with Keith and Ralf. Ralf called me later that Friday night and asked if I wanted to head out to the opening of the new nightclub at Macarthur Square but I told them that I didn’t want to head out because it was a pub and I didn’t like that scene.
After trying to persuade me for some time and rambling on as he usually does I hung up the phone and got back to eating my food and playing around on my computer. About ten minutes later Ace and Keith arrived at my house to pick me up but unfortunately they didn’t hear my bad news so I had to tell them. Ace was wearing a leather jacket with a white shirt underneath and I thought that it looked pretty good, good dress sense.
Persuaded Out of the House
When both Keith and Ace headed off I was at peace for the next half an hour until I received a phone call. “You have to come out with us” Keith uttered on the other end, “It’s pumping, there are chicks everywhere and it’s not a pub, it’s a nightclub.” With those words and some more persuasion I finally told them to come to my house and pick me up.
After all, Lyssa hadn’t called me and I didn’t want to sit at home being bored for the rest of the night, I wanted to get out and have some fun. Mentally and emotionally I wasn’t in the mood to dance and I don’t really know why I was so dormant looking and ticked off. My only real explanation is that these last few days the Diary has been getting to me coupled with my tension building thoughts about Lyssa. Putting on my hound dog clothes which now have been worn a couple of times I awaited them to return.
Speaking of my hound dog clothes I’ve found that the pants that I bought which are large and fit me nicely when I bought them are now loose on me. With great confidence I would say that I’ve been losing weight while gaining muscle and because of that I might have gone down a size. Whatever it is I can’t wait to buy some more clothes from hound dog and other great places so I can wear them to nightclubs.
A Rowdy Ride to the Club
When getting picked up I noticed that both Min-Su and Tamsen were in the back seat and a rowdy Ace was also squeezed in the back with them. Keith was driving Ace’s jeep and with no one in the front seat I realized that Ace was up to some sort of hanky panky. Jumping out of the car he asked if he could wet his hair under my tap so I took him inside the house where he said hello to my mum and washed his hair.
On the way back out he let me sit in the front seta as he once again jumped in the back seat with Tamsen and Min-Su and continued being a flirt. What surprised me is that Min-Su and Tamsen were both going along with it and there were times that Ace leant over and tried groping Min-Su in places but she kindly pushed him away.
The reason I know this is that Keith informed me he had seen him do it in the rear view mirror and that pissed me off. It didn’t piss me off only because Ace was doing it but because Min-Su was flirting and letting it happen. Keith should also have been worrying because if my girlfriend was sitting in the back seat allowing someone to sweat talk her and chat her up I would be back there with a fist full of hurt before you could even say ‘Ouch’.
A Dodgy Fix for My Licence
Anyway, parking in the bottom floor near the cinemas I realized that this used to be the movie warehouse under the cinema but since they now renovated it into a club it was no more. These days I don’t need to show my identification and that’s a good thing because if I did I would probably get a second look at me because the date has been expired.
Well, tonight I tried to fix that by dabbing some perfume on my drivers license to weaken the plastic and then with a screwdriver I picked out the eight out of 1998. Now they have no real way of finding out whether or not it was this year or last year that it expires but some idiots probably won’t let me in because of it.
Standing Around the Dance Floor
Once entering the club we just stood around looking for Ralf who stayed at the club by himself. Finding him dancing with Shayma and Valeriya’s best friend that pretended she was some great receptionist we kept a close eye. Shayma looked at me while she was dancing and urged me to come over and dance amongst them but I gathered that I would get some dirty looks from Valeriya’s best friend.
Apart from that, I didn’t really feel like dancing and apart from the fact that I didn’t really want to be embarrassed by Lyssa looking at me dance and the fact that it was too lit up to dance I kept my ground. No one really danced apart from Ace on the spot and looking at him with his leather jacket and then looking at Keith who had gone home to put on the same thing I realized that Keith wants to be like Ace.
Keith looks up to him which isn’t a bad thing but when your idol starts making passes at your girlfriend you either get mad or try and get some of the attention back. In Keith’s case he probably thought that if he wore a leather jacket as well Tamsen would pay him more attention that Ace, it was sad.
Diary Of A Mad Chaos is a daily diary written from March 1996 until today, of which individual books and book series have been created, namely “The Lost Years” an exploration of young, entwined love, the “Wubao In China (猎艳奇缘)” book series which provides an extensive comparative analysis of the cultural differences between Eastern and Western societies, and the book titled “Foreigner (华人)” an exploration of race relations in Australia.
