Just as I was about to give up on any hope of going out tonight I received a call about half an hour from Keith asking me if I wanted to head to Shawn’s house and watch a movie. Having something to eat at the time I told him I would and Keith gave me half an hour to get ready. In that time I had myself a shower and then Keith called me back ten minutes ago with some hot gossip.
I’m not sure how exactly this came out of Shawn’s mouth but the word was that Shawn did dog us last night along with Tatton. They did turn back like Keith thought he had seen but once they came back home straight after both Tatton and Shawn turned off the lights at Shawn’s house. Their plan was to wait until we drove past and then when we were gone home (To what they thought) they would go out again. Tatton the dog, I called him on the phone three times and he told me he was at home. Wait a minute, Tatton was at home because instead of calling his mobile phone one time I called his house and he was there. Anyway, that was their plan and some things still don’t make sense to me but my mind will just have to wonder.
Keith then gave me a call back five minutes after the second call and this time he was telling me that he was going home from Shawn’s house. Shawn and Tatton were going out and he told me I could speak with them but I gathered that I didn’t want to go out with dogs. So, my night truly did end with slow devastation and this might indeed be the kick of questions that I will be asking as the month closes on me. You can say I started feeling the decline yesterday when we went to pick up Phoenix and all that shit happened. Then there was the dogging of Shawn and Tatton for our night and then tonight, I don’t even go out. What’s more, I gather that Keith was at Shawn’s house for a while before I got there and probably because of the animosity last night, they thought they would betray me tonight by keeping me out of the plans. Premonitions in my mind bid me to say that they must have gone to watch a movie ‘The Negotiator’ but I will never know, not for a day or two. Simon was also out with them for the night because Shawn had an argument with him while Keith was there. So all this shit went down and I wasn’t present to hear it.
Plans are evident for tomorrow and even though I was looking forward to visiting the Catholic Club and Lyssa was intent on seeing me there and spending some time with me we are probably going out to a place of Ralf’s choice. Ralf has some plans for us tomorrow night and I don’t think they will include the Catholic Club but I hope that we go there but then again, I hope we do something more eventful.
While Phoenix and I were arguing on the phone last night she said one thing that wasn’t really true but made me think about it right until today. It came when I told Phoenix that my friends were also involved in the telephone prank I gave to her a couple of nights ago and she came out with “What friends, I didn’t know you had any.” That didn’t really hurt because I know I have friends but who can I really call a friend, one that doesn’t dog, one that I can depend on with secrets, one that I know will respect me. Let’s face it, everyone that I hang out with is a dog in some form and none of them I can really confide in apart from Jett. But even Jett is preoccupied these days and I never see him or Imad for that matter.
I’m just surrounded by dogs and people I associate with but don’t really call my friends or at least my good friends. The only people that haven’t dogged me hard in my lifetime are Imad and Jett but back in the day Jett was the biggest dog. It wasn’t until two or three years ago that Jett and I started hanging out with each other again. Before that I used to hate him, I used to despise him, he used to eat all my food and use me, now he’s better.
Imad was there for me but when ties broke between Ali and I Imad didn’t know where to turn to and he chose the most obvious choice, his brother. But Imad has his reasons, there’s me and my dog friends on one side of the fence and then there’s Ali, Penelope, Lyssa and all the Lebs, his relatives on the other side. What was once considered a blood brother to me now bleeds his troubles through similar veins.
After my conversation with Keith ended I gave Imad a call because I wanted to have had done something for my whole day apart from just sit at home and play the computer. Boisterous was the noise over the phone as I could hear Imad shifting gears in the background. Always being a racing car driver he knew it was me and upon asking what he was up to he told me that it was Pippa’s birthday and he was going to give her a present. “Are you going to give her a root tonight for her birthday,” I asked gathering Imad didn’t have much to offer her. “Yep” was the only word from Imad’s mouth. Not much was said after that as we don’t have much to talk about these days so I let him go with his final words being “I’ll come over tomorrow in the daytime.”
Now for my day after my last entry I kept playing ‘Tomb Raider’ and before I knew it the time was 6:00 p.m. and Lyssa gave me a call straight after coming home from work. Lyssa has always been good to me, so good to me while we were going out and so good to me while we were arguing after our breakup to the most recent of days, tonight. That I took for granted and now I realize that my good to Lyssa wasn’t good enough. That is why I am so comforting to Lyssa’s needs whenever she calls upon me and I care so much for her now. Finally, I realize that things like a surprise dinner, a bunch of Roses or even a kiss on the lips goodnight every time we parted was not much to ask of love. Love was given and love ‘twas received but I know I could have done more. For the year that Lyssa and I were together I don’t think I ever planned a surprise dinner or something like that. There was always surprise letters but in all that time together I would have liked to leave more of an impression. In all our time together I think I only sent Lyssa two lots of Roses. One lot of Roses for her birthday (The eighteen Roses) and another Rose from the City when I won my money gambling for the first time and I gave her the Rose at the station in front of a bunch of bystanders.
Lyssa and I talked about tomorrow night and how we might be meeting at the Catholic Club but I told Lyssa not to rely on my friends going there even though she was looking forward to hanging out with me at the Catholic Club. Lyssa asked what I was doing tonight as she was fake tanning her legs in preparation for tomorrow night. Telling Lyssa I might be off to the movies I was doubtful in my head if anything was going to happen. Lyssa and I spoke for 20 minutes and feeling composed and confident that Lyssa would take my question light heartedly I asked Lyssa if she would like to know of a good way to spend $50 this Sunday. Lyssa knew what I was talking about and in a humble and peaceful nature told me that after she rents the room she will have to worry about food and other things and it would get a bit too costly. Lyssa didn’t actually tell me no or she didn’t like the idea of the two of us being in a hotel room together so I took that fairly well. A nice let down to a question that I felt didn’t really have to be said but so calm was the attitude I thought I would add it in.
After my conversation with Lyssa I kept playing the computer and felt happy that Lyssa was going to call me later if she wasn’t doing anything. From what I gathered Lyssa was staying at home for Thursday night but as she didn’t give me a call back I assume she went out to Chevy’s or the Catholic Club or something. Tonight at 9:30 p.m. I thought of giving Lyssa a call hoping she wouldn’t be asleep but the thought of waking her up bid me not to call. Now until tomorrow I won’t find out anything, if Lyssa went out tonight, if I’m going to the Catholic Club tomorrow or if anyone went to see ‘The Negotiator’ tonight. Now as the time is 11:46 p.m. I must bid farewell to my Diary, a short entry of my mind if I ever have waited a fair while for it. It’s great when you don’t have much to write about, you can write to your mind’s content and produce some quality literature without having to think too much, or too fast…
Diary Of A Mad Chaos is a daily diary written from March 1996 until today, of which individual books and book series have been created, namely “The Lost Years” an exploration of young, entwined love, the “Wubao In China (猎艳奇缘)” book series which provides an extensive comparative analysis of the cultural differences between Eastern and Western societies, and the book titled “Foreigner (华人)” an exploration of race relations in Australia.
