Waiting for a Phone That Stays Quiet (Part 3) – Mad Chaos: December 12, 1998

Yugoslav Movie Daydreams

Lyssa told me she would call me back later in the night and so I let her go to do her thing. For the rest of the night I done nothing but have something to eat and try and get to sleep on my waterbed. Alas, the hot weather and the uncomfortable positioning on my waterbed forbid me to shut my eyes and dream and even when I approached the floor did dreams come hard.

Waking up an hour into trying to sleep it was already dark and after having something to eat I started watching with eager eyes the Yugoslavian movie on channel two. It wasn’t just because it was a movie from my country but the story-line as well as the action and twists in the story kept me hooked.

That along with the two lines of poetry I Heard and the beautiful but ordinary blonde Yugoslavian that played second to the leading role and seeing her in garters and lingerie under some sexy clothing made me think that I need to marry me a Yugoslavian girl or look for one foremost. What would be of my life and of my Diary if I have no stories to tell of Yugoslavian girls and me being in a relationship with one.

Lyssa Calls Back Late

Lyssa called me back around 9:15 p.m. while the movie was playing and turning it down we once again talked but as Kuper and Carleigh walked outside to sit with her while she was having a smoke I let her go. I knew how Lyssa would have felt waiting upon my words to converse to make it seem to Kuper and Carleigh that she was talking about something productive. After all, Carleigh did say hello to me from the distance and I know that Lyssa was under pressure to perform and also under pressure not to say anything to revealing.

Yes, I know how she felt so I told her to give me a call back when it was more convenient, she wasn’t more happy to oblige. The time kept ticking and ticking but Lyssa didn’t call me and then nearing 11:30 p.m. Lyssa called me back informing me that she had just been lying in her bed and thought to give me a call to say she wasn’t calling before she fell asleep.

This latest argument between Lyssa and I has put a damper on our conversation and I’m not one to say how long in time it will last but time itself can answer that one. What I can say is that this could be the push that Lyssa and I are looking for to distance ourselves into friends and not part time lovers like we already have made a name for ourselves. This distance if given will benefit Lyssa and I by giving us enough breathing space to move on and I would like to do that in peace and without having Lyssa’s discerning opinions about my new life.

Who Holds the Upper Hand

If I didn’t give Lyssa a call I doubt she would have called me and I didn’t feel the necessity to call but I made myself call because I knew it was partly my fault for hanging up the phone on Lyssa. That problem is now solved but before I felt like I had the upper hand by being on top of our last conversation. Now that I’ve called Lyssa and she’s misused my favor to have called me back she now has the upper hand and more power. Being in the state of uncaring I am in now you can perceive that I don’t care but for care itself.

An Invitation From Ralf

Ralf also gave me a call through the night and invited me out with him tomorrow night to some place in the City near the rocks on Imad street. I’m not sure what it was called but from what Lyssa told me about it the nightclub is great. So great that the lines outside are usually one hour long, the admission fee isn’t that much and it’s packed densely inside.

Ralf sure has a knack of picking places and if someone will lend me dress attire for tomorrow I’ll be happy to go along with them all for Ralf’s 22nd birthday party. What puzzled me is the fact that Min-Su called from Ralf’s house and then handed me straight to Ralf so I gathered that there was some sort of get together happening at Ralf’s house but I was one not to be invited.

A Sweaty Day Alone

No one gave me a call today except for Shawn before I headed to the Gym. He wanted to know if I would like to head to the beach with them but considering I had arrangements for my body I couldn’t go. Besides, I had myself a tan out the backyard around 2:00 p.m. when I woke up. The sweat coming off my body was once again unbelievable, it must have just been a very sweaty day.

Well, it’s been nice talking in my Diary and all but now as the time is 5:44 a.m. and my eyes are starting to droop I will head off. One more thing I will add is that the ants are starting to show up in my room one by one and one by one I am killing them off.

Because it’s so hot in my room the ants die before they even get here and there are clumps of them under my carpet that I have to use the vacuum with. They pissed me off tonight with one every minute, heck I can see one now that I have to squash. I just hope that the wildlife of outside doesn’t crawl up my nose or into my mouth as I sleep tonight, that is a favor I ask of fate…

Saturday 5:56 p.m.

Lessons From the Hairdresser

It is now that I’ve been looking through the months of my Diary picking mistakes and studying my poetry that I came across last Monday when I visited the hairdresser. It is here that I read of my visit and remembered that I forgot to mention an important detail that I still recall so vividly. We were speaking candidly with each other about bodybuilding and going to the Gym and she was a bit overweight but she was doing weights at home.

What really made sense to me was when she told me her husband or fiancé told her that she was gaining weight and I knew that if I told that to Lyssa one day she would get all upset. What made sense to me and will stick in my head for a while now is when she said “Every now and again you need to be told” and it’s true. If I keep hiding the truth from people they will continue with my deceptive white lies. She didn’t mind being told every now and again, rather, it made her more aware of her body and less lazy.

Well, that is all I really had to say about this topic so I must be off now to read some more of my Diary and probably comment on it later on tonight. Well, maybe not as I should be getting ready for Ralf’s night out in the City in that nightclub on Imad Street. Supposedly everyone is meeting at his house around 7:30 p.m. but no one’s called me yet despite Ralf having invited me yesterday. Anyway, I’m off now, see you soon.

Saturday 7:45 p.m.

Mum and the Christmas Lights

Every year my mum goes crazy with Christmas decorations. Well, I’m just being stupid and opposing to what really happens in this household. My mum’s idea of the Christmas Spirit is to place one decoration on the front door and some flashing lights in her room. Our Christmas isn’t even supposed to be in December if I’m correct but despite that my mum decorates so she can fit in with the Australian trend. What’s pathetic is that mum doesn’t even believe in Christmas let alone celebrate on that day in any way so she might as well leave the decorations up for the whole year which she almost accomplishes leaving them up until March.

Nobody Is Calling Me

Still I haven’t been called by anyone to head out for Ralf’s party celebrations and I know I should call someone but there’s something fishy about not being invited out last night and then now not having been called by Jett or by Keith. If this keeps up I won’t even be going out tonight because no one is going to pick me up, what’s going on.

Jett was supposed to come over today in the morning and I slept in until 3:00 p.m. waiting for him gathering that he would wake me from my light slumber. That didn’t happen so I woke myself up and after a quick shower I walked outside and lay on the ground once again to sunbake in blistering heat. It’s a good thing that I got a little bit of color being out there for half an hour, it wasn’t a waste of time and I didn’t get burnt, that’s the good thing.

Right now I’m listening to my CD player, something that I haven’t done now in a couple of days maybe even a week or more. This is due to the fact that I have been waking up late, going to the Gym and I have been too over-dedicated with my Diary to listen to music. Now that I’ve finished looking through my Diary and tracking where I started writing my first forms of Sonnet poetry I’ve started to listen to music.

This music keeps me patient as await someone to call and also for food from upstairs to eat. Will tonight be a flop or will it be something to write about. To tell you the truth, I don’t care either way. I don’t really feel like going out as I don’t have good clothes for the occasion and yet I don’t want to spend my night home knowing that my friends are having fun and my ex is celebrating her brother’s birthday with great food.

The Summer of Love Arrives

This month has taken a turn from the usual great start of the month and then the falling of excitement and contentment. This month started shit, it’s been rather desolate spending most of my time at home and still it continues. It’s worrying knowing that the new year is coming and I’ve rightly labeled this new era ‘The Summer Of Love’.

This has been known as the summer of love since a week or two before December came to be but who knows if ‘The Recognition’ has ceased to exist or when it did. Obviously now that we are in ‘The Summer Of Love’ the complacency of ‘The Recognition’ has been pushed away. Supply me, O’ Summer, my love of which love you gild unto me. Prithee that thou shalt harvest my fields with joy and embellish my ladylike tastes with affluent divinity such as yours.