Run-ins at Macarthur Square (Part 2) – Mad Chaos: October 8, 1998

Making our way to Delta Music we looked around and I noticed that Cypress Hill have already brought out their fourth CD, that’s some cool shit. Just checking their last CD it was released in 1995 so three years is a bit of time, although it seemed short to me for their new release.

Is it me or does everyone of Lyssa’s friends including the defector’s hate me. Including Nikita as an example of her ignoring me last night and Ali along with Penelope being a dog, let me include tonight’s little story. While Shawn and Keith were in Delta looking at their music I stood on the railings of the second floor overlooking ‘Prism’ downstairs. Lyssa told me that this is where Pedro worked but countless times I passed this place and didn’t see him down there. While looking downstairs (Not necessarily in Prism) I noticed Kieran walking with one of his friends downstairs and when he noticed me I waved but he turned his head. That brought to my attention that Kieran was trying to avoid eye contact with me, but why, what’s he afraid of. Why can Kieran say “Hello” and be nice to me over the phone while I’m talking to Lyssa but when it comes face to face he would rather avoid me.

Well as it turns out Kieran walked into ‘Prism’ and I thought that was a bit ironic since I was looking into that store a second ago. The shock that came soon after put me back in my place and started to ruin my good vibes for the night. Kieran walked out of the store with his friends a couple of seconds later and then I noticed Lyssa and Aria walk out with them. This shocked me too much and right then I hoped that she didn’t look up or Kieran didn’t mention I was upstairs. More in my mind was the hope that Kieran didn’t think I was spying on Lyssa or Pedro because I didn’t know either of them were in there and I didn’t walk to the railing to spy on them. Because I was caught by surprise I didn’t bother to notice who Lyssa was with but I only had seen her with Aria. Lyssa would have been in there while I was trying to look and see if Pedro was in there but yet I didn’t spot her. That leads me to think why is Lyssa trying to hang around Pedro. That brings me to believe only one realistic conclusion of why Pedro’s best friend was out with Lyssa when she visited the movies and why she was in his store but not really there to buy anything. From my point of view I feel that Lyssa actually does want to get with Pedro and she doesn’t despise him as much as she tells me.

It feels as if everyone of Lyssa’s friends has turned against me now. I know I’ve been wrong and no one but Lyssa knows that but why do I deserve for everyone’s opinion of me to be bad. That isn’t fair and I believe that this hatred is built for a simple reason, Lyssa is hot and I’m not. That’s why Ali betrayed me, that’s why everyone is on her side. To all her friends Lyssa is just the princess like she is to her father, me, I’m just the person who took that innocence and virginity away from her and they can’t cope in any other way than to avoid my presence and wish I didn’t exist. To be totally honest (And not to try and give Lyssa a big head) from all the girls I had seen at Macarthur Square tonight, Lyssa would have had to be the most outstanding person to view. For one, her hair just stands out above the rest and it’s something about her innocence that makes me believe she was the most gorgeous of them all. Lyssa did look beautiful too and it’s a shame she doesn’t wear skirts that often.

Lyssa looked happy coming out of Prism but trying to fade away from her sight I walked back into Delta Music. Shawn passed me seconds before Lyssa walked out of the shop and told me he was headed for Sanity. I was just about to make my way with him and if I did I might have missed viewing Lyssa, fate. When I did see her I made tracks not to be noticed and walking into Delta I told Keith that we should go look for Shawn. The reason I had done that was so that I wouldn’t get noticed by Lyssa, I didn’t want her coming up to me and making me feel bad. That leads me to believe that in the future I would be the type to avoid Lyssa if she was with her friends. If Lyssa was alone I would approach her but like tonight, I don’t feel her friends like me at all so I don’t make a situation.

One more visit to Sanity was enough for all of us and I was relieved when Keith said it was time to go. Headed for Tamsen’s car we jumped in and chucked on ‘NWA’ that Shawn brought along. Driving towards Tatton’s work again Keith was going to once again try and steal something petty. Shawn was talking destructive about Simon not paying him $2000 to fix his bike. Pissed off he started talking revengefully and noting that if Simon didn’t pay up in two weeks (Which is virtually impossible) Shawn would dob Simon in for not paying taxes while working for Pizza Hut and still collecting money from the link. Shawn was all ill on Simon’s shit and told us that he would not only expose Simon but also his dad who has been fucking behind his wife’s back for the past three years. What makes that true story more fucked is that Simon’s known about it all this time and hasn’t said shit to put a stop to it. What’s more, Simon lets his dad fuck the mistress at his new house and he gets paid for the room.

Long and late was the final turn into Mobil, our entrance was known but unhindered. Placing ourselves into a spot where the petrol pumps were close at hand we noticed what my heart despised and what my eyes became sullen over. A shade of white so vulgarly pure that brought hatred to my thoughts. A shade of white, pale to ivory white that sickened me. “Shit man,” Keith announced, “Do you want me to keep going or stop.” Bad timing was all this was and fearing or running from nothing or no one I braced my angered brow of conscience and made my way out of the car. Staring only within the direction that I had seen what looked to be my prey, they stared back, with panic and anxiety. Lunging to close the door, swift I did walk with my head constantly at my prey, on occasion, briefly looking away at the skies, which were not as dark as the sin beneath their feet and mine. The stars did shine but as Shawn, Keith and I walked past the enemy I had made for the three of us, blank stares were all that were given. With a caustic stare I passed the both of them, speaking with a third unbeknownst of what was taking place when our eyes greeted. Either of the two opposed to me could stare longer than I, they were ashamed and I feel that one was intimidated.

And that of who I walked passed, who I opposed was Ali and Penelope, looking dressed up and cocky. Ali in his usual singlet outfit, Penelope with her usual curly hair drenched in greasy oil. Both of them as usual, actors but not acting much more than anxiety as I passed. On my venture across the path and towards Mobil’s doors, one car’s length from the both of them I spoke under my breath this one word “Bitch” and I know that the both of them would have just heard it. That wasn’t meant for Penelope but for Ali but I don’t care how they took it if they did hear, that name should be branded upon the both of them. If Ali did hear what was spoken from my mouth he didn’t defend his girlfriend or himself. In fact, as soon as I entered Tatton’s store and greeted him Ali was out of there, started his car, gone. He enraged me as soon as I had seen his car and if he did say something to me I would have taken action. That day I wait for, when Ali decides to open his mouth against me, no matter what he says, I will be furious with my vengeance and won’t be the one praying for benevolence.

Seeing Lyssa tonight brought the belief to my attention that Lyssa and I are drifting more apart and for all the right reasons. I appreciate the fact that I have gone from boyfriend to friend despite the fact that Lyssa knows I have cheated so heavily on her. Soon Lyssa and I will start to deteriorate in our friendship relationship, I can see that coming. That’s fine with me and even though I appreciate talking with Lyssa I would get jealous if I was with her, knowing she wasn’t mine. But I have learnt to live with it and seeing Lyssa tonight and thinking how beautiful she was I realized that she wasn’t beautiful to my eyes anymore. Rather, I had seen that Lyssa has to move on and so do I so if Lyssa and I became nothing from friendship, that would probably be for the better. When Lyssa does get herself a boyfriend I will hurt, I will be jealous and I will know about it. I guess that’s why I usually try to avoid places that Lyssa will be, like Macarthur Square but I can’t avoid all of them for the rest of my life. Lyssa didn’t call me tonight but I didn’t expect her to or really want her to. If Lyssa did call me it probably would have been due to her seeing me tonight, she didn’t call.

In Mobil we stuck around for about ten minutes speaking to Tatton. Cracking out the People Magazine and a couple of others we kept ourselves occupied and I even bought myself an ice-cream. That couldn’t be too good for my tooth but I did eat on the opposite side and am having a shower right after this entry. This weekend I would feel better if I found myself a mate at the beach or something. Then again, I would feel better if Jett actually does go to the beach and doesn’t jet off with Min-Su somewhere. That is most likely to happen but once again, tonight we didn’t see him at Macarthur Square using the phone. Maybe there is a chance for this weekend to roll along smoothly but I’m not that worried, this whole week has been great and fulfilling, can I keep it up. Keith gets his car back tomorrow so I might run it past him to drive to the City and for a couple of us to visit the Sydney Casino. That would be a good idea for Friday or Saturday night, we’ll see what happens.