A Wednesday Night Argument With Lyssa (Part 4)

Lyssa Calls Right on Cue

Getting now to the significant conversation I had with Lyssa on Wednesday night, it starts with my premonition that she would call. The sixth sense within forewarned my vibe and as Lyssa made her call, I knew who it was from the onset of her saying “Hello”. I’m not too sure at this lapsed moment on how the conversation flowed and where we started talking in regards to meaningful phrases but I took the liberty of writing down a plentiful amount of thoughts.

I think the whole fiasco began when we started talking about our weekend and Lyssa told me that she was heading to Retro tonight. There is some big party on with hundreds of tickets being sold to friends. Lyssa and her friends were invited and along with her inviting Ivan and his friends, somehow, Imad got an invite to be there. “I don’t want him to be there” Lyssa detested. This pissed me off to a sense as through all this time after we have broken up, Lyssa has had fickle tendencies with Imad.

Lyssa always seemed to be changing her mind and recently, I feel that Lyssa didn’t want Imad to be at this party simply because she’d be with her new attraction, Ivan. Imad would obviously get discouraged and from what words Lyssa has spoken in the past and on Wednesday night, he has been the best guy she has ever laid her eyes on. However, as we got deeper into that conversation, Lyssa noted that she would never go out with him because in my adding words, she would be too Lebified. “If you go out with Imad”

I commented, “You’re only going to be hanging out with Lebs”. This had much truth as Lyssa listened to my perception unfold. Not only will Naqi and Penelope see that as a chance to take things back to how it was when Lyssa and I were going out but there will be a much greater bond between the four of them. Lyssa noted how it would feel weird being Penelope’s cousin and all and that is why she would rather Imad not be at Retro as it would kick up some controversial confrontations amongst two personalities which can only crash or lay ascertained.

The Biggest Flirt

In the unfolding conversation, Lyssa also sought to revel in her vain fables of wanton men after her. Lyssa never gets tired of telling me about other guys trying to court her and how she always seems to turn them down in some way. Constantine and mostly everyone else in Lyssa’s group calls Lyssa the biggest flirt but Lyssa doesn’t seem to think she’s flirting at all. When guys come and talk with Lyssa, she isn’t rude and to her liking, she just talks back to them.

Agreeing to the collective thoughts of her friends and her psychic she noted “I’m going to go out this weekend and flirt my ass off”. Lyssa of course was being sarcastic as she then noted “I’m only saying that because everyone thinks I’m a big flirt”. In her storytelling, Lyssa described how last weekend when she was out partying one of Ivan’s best friends approached her while she was dancing. Also being around 25, he chatted with her and after the flattery and comments he asked “Would you go out with a 25 year old”.

Lyssa didn’t really know what to say so she just noted “No, my mum would get angry with me”, hiding behind the mum trick. Anyway, when Ivan finally called Lyssa on Tuesday night, he snuck that topic into conversation, tip-toeing around the subject until Lyssa got a smell of what he was getting at. “So, you wouldn’t go out with an older guy” he asked in which he then noted “I know what the two of you talked about last week”.

When Lyssa was asked if she would go out with an older guy she stuck on her sentence, not able to say yes because then it would create an air of controversy between his friend. It would have been puerile of Lyssa to have noted she would have gone out with him but then again, Lyssa did recognize the fact that he was slow and dull-witted. From Lyssa’s explanation, he was a typical surfer guy with long blonde hair and with that surfer drone showing their blonde and incapable tendencies to finish a proper sentence.

Not Her Kind of Guy

This late stretch of Lyssa’s attraction to the opposite sex has made me realize how far I am from what really was her kind of guy. Lyssa tends to go for the surfer or anyone that has anything to do with extreme games or being out there. The one thing that would have attracted Lyssa to me those years ago would have been my attitude, the one thing I started to lose as soon as betrothed views were evident.

With Lyssa furthering her comments and indiscreet remarks, she stemmed onto the topic of how she’s now having so much fun. Back in the day when Lyssa and I first broke up we were still coming to terms and for that reason, there was no friction between the both of us, only confusion for the future. However, at some stage in life and with some bold decisions, envy has created spiteful friction and that has sparked off a frivolous contention.

For so long I’ve been sick of Lyssa telling me how great a weekend she’s had, unconcerned as to how I would feel upon hearing how great her night was or who she got onto. Knowing that I would always keep this damaging news from her (If only it hurt for a few seconds), I guess I started to resent Lyssa’s being forwardly naïve and therefore, pledged a war upon war.

This rebellious attitude of mine probably stemmed from the moment I said to myself “Right, I’m sick of who I am, I’m going to change to my former self” and it was further engulfed with animus when I started to buy club clothes. Suddenly, each conversation with Lyssa was a competition, where she would take her round of braggart remarks and then I would crown my vaunted tunes, filling emphatic points towards Lyssa’s insecurity. The struggle was verbal, never materially physical in which we would be amiable towards each other’s respects when together.

Keeping Score of Guys

Lately, what pisses me off in our power struggle to be on top is how Lyssa gauges her ideals of having a great time, see if you can pick the fault. “I’m having a great time now” she noted, keeping in mind the thoughts and beliefs her psychic embedded in her deluded mind. “So far I’ve gone to the movies with Imad, I’ve gotten onto Ralf and now I’m heading out to Retro with Ivan”. In my perspective, Lyssa seems to measure the level of fun she’s had in these last couple of months away from my arm by the amount of guy’s she’s gotten onto.

To Lyssa, heading out to different clubs each weekend with her friends wasn’t an issue, it was just the fact that she’s gotten onto a bunch of guys that has made her elated to what the psychic confirmed. The words “You’re going to flirt your little ass off” aren’t just reverberating in Lyssa’s mind but they are playing a familiar tune in mine for different reasons. My only fault in that conversation was not to think upon the answer that I just portrayed in these pages but just to recognize her complacency and just brush it off to another pet hate from our conversations.

The Old Me

Resentful to the truths I was portraying, Lyssa decided to pick a fight, trying to shed insecurities upon me with her dastard remarks. Aware and upset by my remarks upon Imad and the flow of her life in general, the saga of my going out with Lyssa back in the day arose. Not sure of the effectiveness of the transition but I do recall that we started talking about the old me and what I have turned into now.

Lyssa seemed to portray the old me as the hero of the day, the person she fell in love with and someone who excited her with the capers and antics pulled. “You don’t understand, back then you were the type of person who just made me want to be around you so I could learn” she explained. It made me feel a touch rewarded for the sincerity in which Lyssa spoke for my former self but it wasn’t saying anything for me now.

“You used to excite me each time I saw you” she noted, “How you used to wear your Jeans, your T-Rip hat and how you were always going out to mischief, I was so intrigued”. Lyssa told me how she loved the charisma that I had back then but now, you couldn’t find a drop of my former self anywhere upon this body. What made me feel worse was how Lyssa exclaimed “Today I wouldn’t go out with you but before we started going out I would have”.

In Lyssa’s mind, I’m just trying to be ‘the next trend’ in which through this process, I’ve lost the charisma and individuality I might have had in the past. “These days I only hear you talking about how your clothes are fifty percent spandex or what you bought” Lyssa argued, figuring that this transition is a trip to oblivion.

Lyssa thinks that I’m lost, trying to change myself into something I’m not as I used to bag this very fashion when going out with Lyssa. Lyssa explained my appearance when she noticed me at Chevy’s a week or two ago remarking “People will either think you’re drug fucked, you’re gay or, you just like tight clothes”. “I just like tight clothes” I blurted to Lyssa’s presumptuous remark as Lyssa had nothing more than bombshells to explode.

The Loser Word

The subject of my being a loser turned up in conversation and how that word popped up I’m not certain but I gather I started its trend. Speaking of the last few months of our relationship in regards to where I started to change my charismatic appeal, Lyssa noted that I started to change when we commenced our relationship. Going out with Lyssa made me soft and as noted before, with Jewell, I wasn’t given enough time to be buttered but I still have the aftermath of thoughts bearing her name.

Lyssa revealed that within the last two months she stopped the strength of love she held for me because she basically thought I was a loser and by her words affixed by my question, “I thought the single life would be better”. This was a bombshell to my beliefs, that Lyssa stuck it out right until the very end, feeling only misery that I didn’t love her one hundred percent. As that did play a major part in Lyssa breaking up with me, I now find that Lyssa was also favoring a breakup because she wanted to be single. Although I wasn’t holding Lyssa down, she felt held down and I guess that her flirtatious ways are now paying off.

This truth brought some repercussions on my stance upon myself and what I had evolved to over the one year I have been broken up with Lyssa. It’s been over a year now and I still haven’t recovered from the damning impact of relationships that have taken my once mighty charisma. Back in my heyday, I used to be proud of my cocky attitude, always up to some mischievous task. Through time and now, after my breakup with Lyssa, I find that I’d now prefer to hide behind the clothes I wear and my club attitude.

From the accessories to fashion that weren’t needed back in my glorious days, I look upon now as a godly attribute to women seeing me for who I now am. These clothes give me the confidence I had back in those days and as my old self just doesn’t cut it these days anymore, I find that I need these clothes so that I can feel attractive to the women of today. In a way, Lyssa is right with my trying to follow trend but those days of sitting around a fire are antecedently placed. You can’t expect me to linger back in those innocent days, it’s a new age and I’ve adjusted myself respectively…