Keyboard Troubles and Lyssa Versus Jewell (Part 1)

Keyboard Troubles

Yet another problem has corrupted this keyboard that has aged it and my forbearance. This time the control button on the left hand side isn’t working and that’s the button I always use to save files, copy, paste and other effects. The button like the V button has to be pressed in a certain spot in order for it to work so now I’m going to have to teach myself in using it effectively like I had done with the V button and the faltered shift button.

However, with the new money I will be receiving on Monday I hope that there will be enough to fix my bike, pay off some Credit Card dues, head to the Gym and buy a new keyboard. I don’t receive much money for a fortnight but I do use every cent of it very effectively instead of blowing it on infinite amounts of clothes like some people do…

Shawn Over Two Nights

The start of this month has been confusing to decipher and I could think of many variations to these last two days that could have changed this month to a more memorable one but what I have done wasn’t too bad. This mind blank still draws crowds of oblivion to my days and it tends to hold back my better actions instead of unleashing them. For the last two nights I’ve had Shawn over so that we could play his Playstation and that would agree with my strive to occupy each day of this month with meaningful endeavors instead of sitting at home, by myself and bored.

Therefore, I hadn’t the time to write in my Diary due to Shawn being here for the last two days but I feel my mind wouldn’t have been into it. I’ve found now that it’s far better for me to write in the early mornings just after waking up then at night where I am tired and feel the need to get to sleep earlier. To the tune of interesting conversation I have not begun here in this Diary and I haven’t thought to even brush the subject of poetry in the last couple of weeks, why is that…

Lyssa Stops Calling

Switching the subject now for a couple of paragraphs and devoting it to an alternating heart I set the scene for the now repugnant Lyssa and the sweet ethers that surround my tongue’s jasper of Jewell. Firstly, I shall point out that Lyssa hasn’t decided to call me since I gave her back the money I owed to her. How rude I thought it was that she pestered me for days to get her money, she treated me like shit and she practically ignored me and didn’t care how I had to walk to Leumeah and back home to hand her the money.

Despite this, I have grown to realize that this is the thanks I will always get from Lyssa and I had received on a lesser scale when we were going out and then had just broken up. The only reason Lyssa is acting like such a bitch is because she thinks I treated her the same way. In reality, the fact that I got angry at Lyssa because she couldn’t satisfy me at all in the hotel room and didn’t talk to her made her spiteful.

Hence the need for Lyssa to treat me like shit instead of trying to rectify the hurt she had dealt me. What I think is funny is that Lyssa hurt me emotionally and physically that night making me think that something was wrong with me for Lyssa not to treat me affectionately (When we were in a hotel room for that reason) and then she turns around and decides to treat me like shit some more.

The Last Laugh

Lyssa never relents when it comes to treating me like shit because that’s her only defense when she feels threatened or things aren’t going her way. That night Lyssa hurt me in a physical sense by denying me a chance to have good sex, she’s hurt me emotionally by tearing up my poems and now she’s trying to destroy me mentally by being the biggest bitch and spitefully not calling for weeks.

The idea of Lyssa not calling me ever again doesn’t smooth off too bad but it’s the fact that Lyssa had the last laugh on many occasions that pisses me off. I had too much respect for Lyssa not to satisfy her on our hotel night and she got the last laugh when I decided to be humble about her reticent actions that night. Instead of keeping the money I owed to Lyssa I again had a tad of respect for her and knowing I wasn’t the type of guy to withhold money I returned it for her.

However, Lyssa had the last laugh by making me walk all that way only to receive a bitchy appearance and a snobby departure and for her to never call me again. If ever there was a bitch in my books, it would have to be Lyssa and although I had known it even before the both of us started to go out, I kept my head above water and watched the bitch in her mature to what she is now.

Strangers Now

Right now I don’t think I shame myself when I state that I really feel the need to see boobs. It has been a fair while since I have seen boobs and I’ve almost forgotten what a set feels like and looks like in my hands. If I had the opportunity, I would place myself in the lions den one more time just to celebrate that vision again. However, if I were ever to get back into a bedroom environment with Lyssa it wouldn’t be because I respect her or I am affectionate for her but now it is purely for the viewing pleasure.

Lyssa and I are now no more than strangers to each other and her body is practically a stranger to me also since it has been a long time since viewing. To see her body again would be a gift to my sound mind but I know that I am too stubborn and arrogant to go back to someone like that. How, for so long, did I go out with someone who was so completely different to me. Someone, that if they held the same traits as me would only hold the negative aspects…

Who Laughed First

When I ask myself “Who got the first laugh in our relationship” it would be hard to resolve. You could say that I got the first laugh by continually talking to Jewell on the phone without Lyssa realizing the extent or you could go as far as to say Lyssa never knew how to satisfy me in the ways I knew best. I feel that Lyssa was reluctant in treating me with one hundred percent of her love because Jewell was always in the back of her mind.

With time, her reluctance grew in a subconscious manner that she would tire of treating me to special occasions or sexual favors. When Lyssa found out that her hunch was true there was a further decline in her respectful attitude towards me until we arrive to what you see now. Therefore, the deeper I got feelings for Jewell the deeper Lyssa’s fifth sense would become to treat me more reluctantly and thus, we both treated each other less than spectacular at the same potency that each would decipher.

In the end of it all, Lyssa’s actions became very predictable as I guess mine would have. I was right to predict that my giving Lyssa her money a week ago would be the last time that I would talk to her or see her. I knew all too well how Lyssa would react once she was literally free of any association with me and I am glad for it.

In more ways than one, I am lucky that Lyssa and I broke up in those controversial days because without that split I would never have taken the rose colored glasses off long enough to realize how much of a bitch Lyssa was. Lyssa and I would never have been marriage material and I only know that now because of what I had seen from her attitude when we broke up.

Jewell Versus Lyssa

When it comes to the characters of Lyssa and Jewell, in comparison, they are a world apart and I in the middle. It is on the outside of both individuals that they are similar in many ways and that was the initial attraction that lured them to my wing. There is an old saying that noted you can see a person’s soul through their eyes and there is some truth in that as I knew to some degree what each time of person was inside by looking into their eyes.

Jewell always used to tell me that she could look deep into my eyes and read me but she also noted that lighter eyes are easier to distinguish. On the outside, both are skinny, have long blonde hair, green eyes, wear the same type of clothes and look sexy in their own respects. However, to look into their eyes and see the truths of their temperament is a different matter. Jewell is wise with her money, she likes to save and keeps a job for the sake of being independent.

Lyssa on the other hand spends her money at will on excessive stocks of clothing and lavishly funded weekends. Myself, I am in the middle of both where I save the little money I have but spend it unwisely on sparse occasions and a job, well I don’t have one. Jewell in arguments (Although we never argued except for one questionable night) tends to talk them through and is humble in defeat and in victory. Lyssa on the other hand feels the need to win an argument and uses spiteful tactics to demean me.

Lyssa isn’t the type to throw pots and pans but the spite within her words is projectile enough. Again, I am in the middle of both, where I feel the need to sort out an argument instead of extending it with spite but because of my stubborn nature to get the apologies I deserve I tend to draw out an argument by ceasing to discuss it.

Jewell takes after my trait of being stubborn but it is hard to distinguish who out of the two of us is more stubborn. Lyssa on the other hand is far less prone to be stubborn and if that word did exist for her it would be on a completely different scale than to what I have. Lyssa does not have a stubborn nature but rather, she tends to take on the role of being spiteful.

Angel and Devil

All in all, I would tend to be more harmonious with Jewell’s character than that of Lyssa’s but I guess the rapport that I give to each heart is heavily weighed by how long I have been with each person. Because I have been with Lyssa for such a long time and have got to know her physically as well as mentally and emotionally I have more seasoning to her ways. However, I feel that with Jewell I have seen into her eyes through our conversations of mind and because we were able to get deeper in conversation than I could have normally I felt that I knew her in equal terms.

If there were a good angel and a bad devil on each shoulder of my emotional whole Lyssa would tend to master my inferior traits and Jewell would uphold the lighter portion. However, to end on an equilibrium, both girls tend to end each night on a good note if an argument had taken place. Jewell wouldn’t end our conversation until we could work out our uncertainties and Lyssa would ring me back after an argument and make up for the sake of the both of us having a good night’s sleep.