A Neglected Racer and a Hung-Up Call (Part 5) – Mad Chaos: April 26, 1999

Thinking About Getting Online

Now that I am receiving a dominant cash flow again new thoughts on how to spend it have arisen. Together with the thought of paying off my Credit Card and starting a TAFE course within the following months, I want to also examine the possibility of getting online. Placing some thought into this subject in the past couple of hours (and months I should say) I believe it will be an extensive tool of knowledge.

While there I can learn of Old English words, their archaic forms and not needing to head to TAFE, I could learn of the English Language from my personal computer. In addition, I’ve always wanted to find a holiday destination where I can relive the medieval days for a week.

Medieval Holiday Dreams

Where there are rebuilt castles and you get to enact a person from the peasantry or heraldry. Thus, I can be an assisting mason, a peasant or even a Knight, which I would prefer. While there they would have fabricated battles between two warring castles where I get to ride on horseback and reenact a battle. Jousting, Swordplay and Knighthood all in one package. One neat little package and so easy it would be to find on the Internet, easier than anywhere else. There are many aspects of the Internet I could look into including the infamous chat lines where through it I met Gianna.

Checking the Biorhythms

Speaking now on a Biorhythm factor, I haven’t addressed those cycles for quite a while now so I think it’s due time. The cycles haven’t been working so favorably to my perceptions lately as the start of the month, which was supposed to be a negative stage for my mentality, brought a positive influence. To top this confusion and distortion of my cycles, these days are my highest influence for mental elaboration. Despite the fundamentals of this hypothesis, let me now to the anatomical cycles of Biorhythms…

Physical 23 DAY CYCLE 20th DAY -8

Emotional 28 DAY CYCLE 11th DAY +11

Mental 33 DAY CYCLE 11th DAY +11

Lyssa the Disciple

Before I decide to depart from these pages, work on my data compilation and then plan the events of today let me to one more opinion. Having revised my concept of being a leader and a certain follower, I consider Lyssa being the latter as true. To my knowledge, Lyssa definitely isn’t a leader in herself or within her friends. Though she may think it, the qualities of influence and domination aren’t visible factors of her natural temperament.

If Lyssa were a leader she wouldn’t need constant help from others and she wouldn’t only do things by herself but her own way. Not to sound harsh upon the fact that there are followers out there, I class Lyssa as an intuitive disciple. Lyssa is easily swayed by other peoples’ perception of reality, which makes her easily susceptible but from my time with Lyssa, the base portion of what Lyssa stands for will not cross a very shortsighted line. Therefore, Lyssa is intuitive to all that the disciple deciphers but to her unwary perception, she is often times led astray.

An Innovative Leader

Now myself, I wouldn’t deem me a leader outright but rather, I’m an innovative leader. It is true that I am far different from many others around me. After all, how many people do you know that strive to be male word processing operators, are into bodybuilding, don’t drink or smoke, are into rap, R & B, classical, poetry and literature. Those are just the fundamentals of what make me who I am but for the sake of delving further, I make my example known.

Now I do not lead with normality but rather with intuition of subjects never given too much thought. One of the main variants of my intuition is this Diary that I keep daily and will for such a long duration of time, my life. Need I more speak of my stance that I am not a follower but a keeper of innovation.

Signing Off With Spare Cash

The time now is 9:32 a.m. and having deliberated enough tonight I will make these scribing fingers scarce when com’st the beckoning absence. Let me anon plan the expenditure of my newly claimed riches. Let this wealth bring courage and prosperity in the choices of coin that befall my future requests. Let the light of day and her gild brightest be seen, that with this new admonishment freedom brings and newfound wealth delivers.

A Month That Needed Misfortune

Monday 12:52 p.m.

How the fires of the unknown future yield not answers to present questions, but quench passion of an everlasting surmise. This but to now has been an all too evident masquerade but I feel that the future has united and the present speaks vividly. This month has come to a close and it loses its exuberance but already I breathe a vast breath of fresh air. Misfortune, I’ll hear no such word despite the contumely praise that this month somehow blossomed with misfortune.

I trust by now you would know that I have wealth to my hands and this new beginning brings a lease on my life and my premise for this month. I feel fortunate that this past month without money has been so void of any satisfaction. I feel that all this misfortune had a purpose and here, in the end result as the future has brought us, I understand.

Lessons From a Month Without Money

This period in my life where I was without money for a month taught me some lessons that shed light to learning only now. Without that money I had no direction, nowhere to go, nothing to do and my creative bliss was barren as my pockets. Loss of money brought forth loss of confidence but I don’t gratify money for finally being in my hands. Rather, I see this as a lesson on my self-conscious nature of perception.

All the mishaps and misfortunes of losing money and all else that failed me within that period has made me realize how fortunate I am now. For the first time in a long time it feels like I’m on top of things and with this new direction I can hold my head up high. Control of what I want to do is finally at my fingertips and already I have delved into my dreams to unravel a new path for myself, a better path.

This stage without money has made me so intent and so wise to spend my money on the more important things of life. Therefore, the main aims of these fresh pending months are to pay off my Credit Card each fortnight, start bodybuilding but most importantly commence on my lost dream to once again ride my racer to glory.

Spending at the Bradbury Shops

Today when I jumped off my diary in the morning I did a fair few things. The first was to give Lyssa a call around 10:30 a.m. so I could inform her that I had her money ready but to that I will get to shortly. The next thing I done was to head down to Bradbury shops to get my money out and begin my wise expenditure.

Knowing already what I would buy I felt liberated when I bought myself some toothpaste, FHM and a long awaited body wash. Upon getting home I paid dad back the $25 that I owed him forthwith and he was rather grateful for my appreciation. Heading downstairs I began reading through FHM and some inspiration began brooding in my bones upon seeing a marvelous suite with an electric blue pinstriped shirt.

The Racer in the Shed

Taking myself to the outside shed with the intent of seeing the racer that for so long has been neglected I came face to face with a piece of my history. Looking at that bike I could see my happiness, my glory, my confidence and my true self. I could see me back when I had my confidence and to build that bike up would not only bring back a past dream but who I was. Therefore, the notion to begin work on my bike, to repair it, to buy clothes and a helmet sprung to life.

I want that dream to come back to life and for me to be hurtling myself down the great highways at speeds I used to travel. I want to be that boy again, before all these woes, before these worries, before these lost years indeed lost my perception of who I really was inside. I want to find that skinny boy again and when I do I’ll shake his hand and be all the better for it…

Rain on the Windscreen

With this dream idle in my mind I had myself a shower. I increasingly washed away the fortunate misfortune of this month and no more were the darker hours so dark. The lost opportunity of work, that also was fortunate as without those moments I would never be as close as I am to the truth of my oldest dream.

And to think that I still have the timer for my racer, that I carry it with me everywhere as a watch. Clocking 1446 kilometers was a grand event but it will be surpassed when I get this baby back on the road. These thoughts did soothe my mind as the body wash was soothed my skin as I gently rubbed it in.

Within my shower I did conjure the most of these thoughts up and here now I am writing anew, with inspiration that for the past month was hard to forage out of the desolate ruins. As I sit here now, the sun does shine and misfortune in these final days indeed has dispersed by a grand waive.

This month has been like a car window that slowly builds up with rain that increases in severity with passing time. The drops obscure your vision of the immediate future and when your vision is almost wholly immersed the window wiper swoops away the obscurity.

The building up of rain was all these dark and void days without money clogging my perception and dreams. However, this new light and direction has wiped away all those debacles and made clear once again what was made so misfortunate. Thus, misfortune did cloud my clear vision and for a long time I was immersed in confused misery but with this wiping away of my past misfortunes those droplets are now seen as a fortunate occurrence.

Lyssa’s Big Sleepover Night

Now to get to my conversation with Lyssa before I decide to sign off from this entry. Deciding to give Lyssa a call at 11:00 a.m. I was greeted within two rings but Lyssa sounded very tired. Figuring that she had the phone in her room I said hello to her, the usual greetings.

As we got a tad into conversation Lyssa told me that she just had a big night over where 14 people slept over. This made me slightly envious and suspicious as to what everyone could have gotten up to but I didn’t have to ask many questions, I was told. Basically, Lyssa had over Nikita, Janice Kieran, DJ, Kuper, Carleigh, two little 15-year-old guys, Pedro, Brendan and people I obviously forgot. Initially it was only Nikita, Janice and Lyssa to watch Armageddon but person upon person came and then finally all of them ended up sleeping over.

Lyssa told me how they were going to bring out a video camera so they can tape themselves doing a soapy. As Lyssa mentioned that I conjured what I thought Pedro would be up to. My premonition was that Pedro would want to have a kissing scene with Lyssa and with the humor of the situation she would go along with it. It seems a bit far-fetched but hey, maybe they didn’t need a camera.

Calling Lyssa Lazy

Conversation changed to my night and when I was finished with my half a minute detail I asked Lyssa what she was up to on Saturday night. At first she curiously said “Oh nothing that you need to hear about”. That made me inquisitive but when Lyssa explained she was just at Ettamogah, the movies and the Catholic Club with her friends and no male companionship it didn’t seem too wild.

With all this chronology out of the way I told Lyssa of my reason to call and how I had her money waiting to be picked up. “I knew that you would probably need it for tomorrow at work” I remarked and I was right on the dot with my presumption.

However, Lyssa was being her lazy self and despite my agreeing to make my way to Leumeah Station Lyssa didn’t want to make her way down to the station. Advising Lyssa that this was just plain lazy she agreed with me so I thought I might poke fun at her. Knowing with earlier deliberation that Lyssa is very susceptible to assumptions made against her I began to sarcastically make fun of her being lazy.

“Do you think you’re going to plump up when you get pregnant” I asked as the case of Carey bloating up was on my mind. Getting all defensive Lyssa replied “That’s none of your business” but as I became more persistent for an answer I started being silly.

“I reckon you’ll get fat” I uttered and as Lyssa responded “Girls only get fat because they don’t look after their bodies” I chopped her by saying “Well, you’re lazy, you don’t exercise, I think you’ll get fat”. Lyssa went quiet for a second, got emotional and then uttered “I don’t want to talk to you anymore” in a dejected fashion and then wanted to hang up.

Having a little laugh inside I abided by her wish to hang up and she couldn’t have done it quicker. All this backlash because she couldn’t bother walking to Leumeah and thought the entire burden should be upon me because I owe her the money.

Lyssa decided to get personal before she hung up the phone saying, “I’m not the one who’s fat, you’re fat” but that didn’t bother me a tad. The task of giving Lyssa her money has obviously been put on hold as I told Lyssa I won’t make an effort for her because she’s too lazy to make one for me. Lyssa also got the impression that I don’t want to see her face to face anyway but that doesn’t bother me…

My dreaming has only begun but my life has already been lived. This past shall become my present and the future of what I was, being what I will eventually be to become of the past. Here I will now leave these promiscuous pages of April and in these few remaining days I will make them the better memories…