A Day Counted in Phone Calls (Part 2) – Mad Chaos: January 5, 1999

Writing As Jewell

This Sonnet continues off the abstract workings of the lost years and is the second such working in the series of the lost years Sonnets. This Sonnet however turned out to be from Jewell’s perspective as if she were writing it. I was writing to how I thought she would feel but placing more of a dramatic perspective into the story line as well as a twist of my own hopes of what she is thinking. See this poem through her eyes, not through mine and you develop an understanding of the void that we both feel after September 16th when I finally shed the thorns that did agonize me for so long…

Thy absence doth blemish my pride,

(‘The Lost Years’ Sonnets)

Absent love, who’s flowers didst sprout and bloom,

Your love was like the darling buds of May,

That once did blossom and over me woo,

Now shed thorns that prick of woeful outweigh,

And for scorn what shall speak but flow these tears,

An abundance shall repent I for thee,

And for what lost is now of our lost years,

Shall sleep I tonight aloft naked sea,

Concealed, under a clouded winter’s night,

Earth’s melancholy in these tears that flow,

And clouds, that to birds race upon the sky,

Art clouds to earth’s grief that laggardly blow,

Yet, This wintry grave escape I cannot,

As grieves me to cite that love I said not,

Tuesday 11:12 p.m.

Back To The Games

Hello again, well, as you have probably noticed it’s been a couple of hours since my last entry. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t bored of writing in my Diary but rather I tried out some unzipping so that I could play some more games. I think that I might bring back that came I loved a couple of months ago called ‘Vikings’ it was alright. Anyway, before I get thick into this entry I think my last Sonnet ‘Thy Absence Doth Blemish My Pride’ needs some explanation so in the next paragraph we go.

Speaking As Jewell

Speaking from Jewell’s thoughts and her perspectives as I perceive them we shall start. Basically she is speaking of how I am now her absent love where once I did treat her so well (1.1). My love was great (1.2) that did blossom when first I went out with her (!.3), where I did charm Jewell. Alas, now in our silent time I have shed the thorns (1.4) which represent the existent danger of distress in which Jewell gave to me by means of leading me on.

‘That prick of woeful outweigh’ means that the sorrow that was created in me by Jewell being arrogant and not wanting to see me outweighed everything. To make it simpler, the misery of my life before I shed the thorns was weighed down and outweighed anything else of importance. Picture the Rose that glorified in other works of mine Jewell and I. Now picture that Rose and those thorns being the distancing of Jewell placing her hand upon me and the misery of her caution that was created within me.

Tears In Her Room

Now that Jewell sees she has lost me in her contempt to live without guilt she probably sits in her room tonight and speaks nothing but only tears flow from her eyes (1.5). Be it tonight or any night that Jewell has ever thought about me, this is the significance of the feelings in this poem. For the tears that fall of the fact we never talk to each other anymore and she gave that up because I wanted more than friendship and an end to what was she greatly regrets what she had done to me (1.6).

Now that our past means nothing (1.7) as all our written memories are gone I shall all the more regret and shall cry all the more tonight (1.8). ‘Shall sleep I tonight aloft naked sea’ signifies that Jewell will cry so much that when she falls asleep she will be immersed in the tears that literally filled up her room. ‘naked sea’ just means that Jewell is vulnerable where people can see the reason behind the sea of tears by just looking, “It’s a man isn’t it.”

Hiding Behind Clouds

Some more I speak about the regret that emanates in Jewell’s mind but ‘Concealed’ (1.9) means that Jewell never lets anyone see her tears (1.10) where she hides from the sun and heavens being the messengers and me (Being the bright eye of the sun). She hides behind the elements, clouds which mask the sun and heavens, winter which blows away the whispers from attending ears and night which cloaks any remittance to her cries.

Using an example of how slow Jewell’s days seem when she is sad (1.11-1.12) I express that birds see clouds (Which represent the sadness and concealment from others) to pass quickly because they are much closer but from the distant earth those same clouds seem to take an eternity to pass over. The last two lines which took at least half an hour to complete speak the importance of the grief. I believe that Jewell had a love for me when we were going out and even after that towards the final stages.

Because she never said anything and now it’s too late because we don’t speak she sees her lost chance and continuous cries as a ‘Wintry grave’ that she can’t escape. The only way to escape is to let me know how she feels as she grieves for the fact she never said loving words to me in the whole time knowing each other. Jewell was always a spacey kind of person with her heads in the clouds all the time but she was very smart, intelligence that made me content. Maybe it was this mentality that gave Jewell the reasoning to keep her feelings to herself…

A Day Starting With Lyssa

Now to speak of my day at part, the latter where I have cared not to explain yet. My day began at 1:30 p.m. where Lyssa decided to give me a call from work. Deciding to sleep on the ground for the comfort factor it wasn’t a long reach for the phone.

Lyssa was once again bored as usual but she asked if I could tape Ricki Lake for her, I had no problems with that. However, I did ask Lyssa to call me later in the day so I could get some more sleep and that I did. When Ricki Lake started or prior to this I jumped up from sleeping and taping the show for Lyssa I also watched it, average.

Around 3:30 p.m. Lyssa once again gave me a call informing me that she couldn’t call sooner as she had to do the banking. That didn’t really bother me at all but we only chatted for five or so minutes as I had to have something to eat and Lyssa had to get back to Reception where she only received three calls for the day. Lyssa was once again thinking about leaving work earlier than 5:30 p.m., she ended up leaving at 4:45 p.m.

Sonnet Hours And Pool Plans

For hours I started on my Sonnet and when I was finally finished I gave Lyssa a call. The time was 7:00 p.m. and as Lyssa answered the phone she informed me that her and her brother were just about to jump into the pool and she would call me back later. That gave me enough time to write in my Diary for a short time and after having a shower Lyssa called back.

In our conversation while Lyssa was at work she informed me that she would like to take me out to dinner on Wednesday to some Restaurant but since Lyssa had plans as her mum was buying dinner so she changed it to Thursday. Lyssa still has to get a makeover done on Thursday at Macarthur Square but she informed me that if I met her up there we could have dinner up there.

As Lyssa and I talked I informed her of how I called up the Franklins Warehouse today again but this time I was given the number of their agency that handles jobs. Ringing Opal Temping Agency I asked them if there was anything available but just like Lyssa’s work and most others not everyone starts until tomorrow being the 6th so she asked for me to ring back. Lyssa was happy that I was once again out there looking for work.

Counting The Calls

Lyssa and I talked twice tonight, if you don’t count the call I made to her before she jumped in the pool and the phone call Lyssa made to me just to say goodnight. Let me see now just for the record. Lyssa called me at 1:30 p.m. then again at 3:30 p.m. both from work. I gave Lyssa a call at 7:00 p.m. and then she gave me a call upon getting out of the pool.

Before ‘Party Of Five’ started Lyssa and I had another small conversation where I was bothered to talk. Lyssa called me back immediately after hanging up as a joke because I said “Don’t call me back too soon.” Her first words were “Is this too soon for you.” After that call Lyssa rang me once again at 10:30 p.m. to say goodnight and that’s the whole shebang.

Plans For Thursday

Now since then I haven’t been doing much but it will be a completely different story of words tomorrow. Today I wanted to head to Campbelltown but I never got that chance and since I have to head to the Gym tomorrow I probably won’t get that chance again but I will head out. Thursday will probably be my day of heading to Campbelltown and then meeting Lyssa at Macarthur Square, probably the third time meeting Lyssa there in my life. Well, we’ll see what happens in the near future, until then…