Lyssa Calls To Brag About Her Weekends (Part 1)

A Quiet Night For Once

Finally, I get myself a little breather in my quest to fulfill this diary. Although I still have to write of early Sunday, Monday and today’s events I know there shouldn’t be too great an extent of depiction or too great a straining stress upon my mind. These last few days haven’t been as extensively sought as was Saturday, where I felt a greater depiction would favor me later in life.

Days where there was not much action and where I would tend not to deem it as too important, I don’t downgrade my depiction in itself but I do ease myself more. With most capital of my chronology prior performed I can concentrate more on the little things tonight. These hours are only early for these pages and as I have the whole night ahead of me I can finally get to those little things I have been holding off because of the obligation to perform withal on these venerable pages.

For example, tonight I will finally get a chance to sort out my club clothes onto their very own racks as my newly bought clothes have been lying on the ground for some time now. I’ve also had the time to shave before jumping on this diary, I’ve had a shower and right now, as my mum has brought down my food, I am about to eat. As you see, there is more to life than just work and submissions to my diary but neither of them I see as a chore, but a benefit for my future.

This month, save for one day has drawn to a close and I, for the sake of wrapping it all up shall beguile these pages to my every whim. As I have been doing that for the past month, creating my own personal overtime for the sake of my diary, I have missed out on what I usually took for granted when I wasn’t working. These days I barely get to watch television save for the news and things like ‘Dawson’s Creek’. Back when I wasn’t working I didn’t take my television too much for granted but rather, the role of overuse was placed on my computer.

Each day it would be turned on as if I was at work and for that whole day I would either write in my diary, play computer games or create some graphic design. These days I don’t really have time to also listen to music, I save that for the weekend at nightclubs. This diary restricts me to a certain degree but I love the diversity of thought and perceptive individuality this diary gives me and yet, almost no one knows about my diary and if they did, they would be oblivious to its glorious immensity of life.

Poetry And Two Breakups

This month I am sad to say that the legacy of my poetry has slowly extinguished itself as more time management takes precedence over waiting for my mind to click onto poetry. This dying legacy falls to death this month and I fear that it will be hard to keep the dream alive next month. The beginning of my poetical inspirations began when Jewell and I were together and my first simple but effective poem was written. Since then many emotions and events have produced a myriad of marvelous rhyme but as past events die, so does my inspiration to write.

From my experience, I would say that it takes more than a year to forgot someone I loved or thought I loved. With Jewell, when we parted our ways in September of last year never to talk again I held untold amounts of emotional stories in these scriptures. When you look back into my entries after Jewell and I ceased to talk you will see a slow decline in thoughts of her and my use of her name.

This month I feel you will be lucky to find her name at least once a fortnight and as I do remember thinking about her, I turn the overwrought cheek caring not to remember. Not that I hate Jewell, I just find it difficult to reflect on our past when our present and future is undetermined and undeterminable. With Lyssa, when we broke up we remained friends and we even went as far as sleeping with each other months into our breakup.

Nevertheless, as it has almost been one year (July 5th 1999) I am beginning to see my separation from Lyssa. My circumstance with Lyssa is different to Jewell in more ways than one. Firstly, Lyssa and I cared to remain friends whereas myself and Jewell never talked after our disjoining. With Jewell I used to feel the yearning to get back together as I did with Lyssa but the difference came when I knew that Lyssa and I were so different and it would never work again.

With Jewell and my not having experienced her long enough to determine such an outcome, I never dismissed and still don’t dismiss our going back out together and that’s why I kept having thoughts of her but hate to read upon them. It hurts to know that we could be together right now but we have made it so difficult to reunite, it’s just silly. When I still read upon my fresher memories of Lyssa I sit there feeling the loss of a best friend and a lover whom I dearly loved back then but I only weep for our former happiness, not our present vacuity.

I guess it’s hard to explain how I could care more to read of Lyssa when I feel more apt to get back together with Jewell, theoretically speaking. I guess it’s also hard to explain how I would write less about Jewell now than Lyssa who is probably having her fun with Ralf and I feel that I probably never will. The reason I was reminded of Jewell today and decided to write of it is because I thought I had seen one of Jewell’s old friends but that is another story, for another paragraph…

Suited Up At Bradbury Shops

Silk is the sensual feeling of my body tonight. Having lathered myself with body-wash while in the shower tonight I touch my skin and feel the gleaming glide as I embellish upon that chiffon feeling. On top of this great feeling of silk, I decided to buy myself some more Lynx deodorant today as my original spray was left in Keith’s car and lost on Saturday night.

Heading down to Bradbury shops tonight after jumping off the bus I was wearing my very first bought suit from ‘Jon Kell’ and having my original electric blue shirt on I tipped it over the grandfather collar before walking in. There wasn’t much admirable women around but I did get a kick out of being watched as I walked in and then out. It felt good being an attraction instead of a detraction to a scene and I soaked in what I could of their admiring eyes and their obvious thoughts.

Najla And My Serious Face

Alas, I never look too inviting, always stern and serious in respect to my appearance. This makes it hard for a women to approach me but I felt no real loss when buying my deodorant. However, I have to learn to let my guard down as I have with Najla at work. The both of us are now best of partners and we not only work great together but we carry on with our antics throughout the day.

However, I would never carry on like I do with Najla at work and theoretically if I wanted to crack onto Najla it would never happen because she couldn’t take me seriously. For all our time together we’ve always had fun with our zany attitudes but if I was to put a move on her she wouldn’t know how to react. It would be hard trying to adjust from being good friends who crack jokes to being serious about each other.

Therefore, I must maintain my serious mind if I want to attract that right woman but I have to lose my hard-to-get stern image. It has been almost one year now and still I am loveless or without any such luck with ladies. There can be no blame thrown to either wind of my life as I do go out to clubs and I do have a social life, I can only blame myself for procrastination.

Lyssa Rings To Brag

Just a quick inclination to further direct my bids of explaining Lyssa and our conversations, I hate talking with her now. Tonight Lyssa called me up right after ‘Dawson’s Creek’ was finished and for the first time she called me not for a favor but just to chat. Nevertheless, chatting to Lyssa these days is a one sided affair as she is braggart in a naïve way about her glorious weekends making me feel stupid for not having as good a time.

I hate when Lyssa continually brings up points in her conversation regarding her personal life or hints as to what could have happened. Inadvertent it seemed when Lyssa noted that she woke up with a hangover last weekend at a hotel room but a whole serious of inquisitive questions were triggered by that naïve comment. I don’t want to hear anything that would make me envious of Lyssa in regards to her getting onto someone or bettering me in some way because it seems as if Lyssa is bragging her pretentious stories in order to top herself on the scale of having fun.

Really, do I really need to know how Lyssa is going to kiss the 20th guy on her 20th birthday in which Constantine is going to pick out the hottest guy and say “Get onto her”. Do I also need to hear how Lyssa went to Coogee Bay Hotel last weekend despite her being sick and meeting two Canadians. Once having a chat with them she headed to a bar in which they worked at and stuck around until 6:00 a.m. so I gather they were either pretty good looking or they had nothing else to do.

Her Better Weekends

It surprises me how Lyssa was actually chasing instead of being submissive to people but from how Lyssa told me she was going to change and be more open and bubbly, I wouldn’t put it past her now. It just pisses me off when I hear how Lyssa has a hotel room planned for her birthday night and she’s got another blockbuster weekend planned by heading to Shoalhaven Heads and I, the measly weekend shall make of it.

Each time Lyssa speaks to me on the phone she cuts me up that little bit more, knowing that she’s having a better time than me in a progressive nature. Sure, I’ve forgotten about Lyssa and she’s forgotten about me and our old ways but I haven’t let go of my morbid suspicions when she speaks of other men. Again, I know that if I spoke of another woman in the same context as Lyssa she would be as quiet as I usually am on the phone, uncaring yet unwavering.

I never make it known that I want Lyssa to cease her personal life yarn and that’s why I keep hanging up the phone thinking “I hate talking to her”.

Wanting Clubbing Friends

Conversation with Lyssa has seemed to cut my night’s chronology that little bit shorter but after her conversation I feel that my weekend and day’s compared to hers would be tedious to say the least. I get frustrated in Lyssa’s being able to head out each weekend with a different parade of friends each time, taking loads of pictures, meeting people and having the greatest time of her life. Meanwhile, I’m heading to places like Kangaroo Valley with people I only class as my acquaintances and when it comes to a nightclub I don’t even fit in with their style or attitude.

Clubbing friends is what I need, people that aren’t afraid to be ostentatious, people like Tyler and Ace. I’m not trying to compete with Lyssa or live up to her standards but I know what I would like my weekends to be like and sitting around a campfire watching people cause a ruckus just isn’t my idea of fun. The clothes for clubbing I have, the attitude is brewing into presentation and all for the friends I have, I would otherwise be rightly flavored. Dogs and dastards, that’s all that surrounds me, save for the black sheep and fervency incapacitated.

So much doors are left to open and yet, I don’t take action and I don’t show confidence in what action I could take. One option is for me to call Tyler and Ace so that I can arrange a good weekend in the City but my conscience tells me that I’m going to get turned down. Anyway, my conversation with Lyssa is now over. I can forget about my harrowing ordeal with pretentious naïveté and move on…

Nothing Smart To Wear

Just a small thought before any chronology is produced in my means of this manufacturing plant of words and typing fingers. As I noted to Lyssa what clothes I did buy in the hopes that it would create some envy and inquisitive forethought (That was my purpose) I realized what clothes I do have for wear. Thus far, I have bought myself work clothes, nightclub clothes and I have casual clothes for the Gym but when it comes to heading out somewhere like the movies, I barely can scrape up something to wear.

It seems that from buying clothes from one extreme to another I’ve overlooked the need for smart but casual clothes. Despite my seldom ability to head out anywhere without donning clothes for work or for a nightclub on the weekend I still think I need to invest in some clothes for casual wear. Now, I must attend to the clumps of chronology laid upon my view and I must admit, like any other doctor, I fear dissection or any big operation in my diary.

The hypertension swells in these calmed veins as they are used to such intense operations but that dismay usually befalls these fingers before I begin to type. Nevertheless, I am the surgeon on this hour of literature and if I have any hope to complete this procedure in due given time, I must begin now.