Dressed Up With Nowhere to Go (Part 1) – Mad Chaos: April 5, 1999

Sonnets Come Back to Life

The pounding success of poetry is once again starting to revitalize in my veins. This comeback I thought stood no chance but with the creation of another Sonnet in the earlier hours of tonight I do believe the road has now been well-trodden. Thank God I can write great wordings of poetry without having to debilitate my thought strenuously only to get agitated and quit.

Again, the thoughts initially came to me when I jumped in the shower and thought up two lines that I could include in my group of ten syllable lines. When my shower was finally finished at around 11:30 p.m. on the ending of Sunday night I pressed forth to my computer for inspiration.

As it usually happens I was just going to spend a couple of minutes revising my poetical lines and new thoughts but this soon turned into three hours and the thought of writing in my Diary was postponed. However, before I even think of publishing this newest Sonnet and then speaking of it I must to chronology and then to the depiction and meaning of my other Sonnet this month.

Ralf Changes the Plan

Heading now to my Saturday chronology, the part already duly noted is my getting up at 5:30 p.m. Saturday night was looking glum to me and I thought that no one would think to ring. However, when 7:30 p.m. arrived I received a call by Ralf.

The first couple of minutes were just chatting about shit as usual but when Ralf asked if I would like to go out anywhere for the night I reminded him that I had no money for a club but he could come over in a little while. Ralf spoke of how Carmen’s was such a great nightclub but as I had to go to the toilet I asked him to come over later and that was it, we hung up. Having my round with the bathroom I decided also to have a shower before Ralf came to my house.

Jumping out of the shower after half an hour I received another call from Ralf where the context surprised me. Basically, our night of uncertainty had changed to me having to get ready in five minutes because Ralf presumed I wanted to head to Carmen’s with him. Expressing how I wasn’t ready and how I didn’t want to go without people Ralf told me that he tried ringing everyone but they didn’t want to go.

Ralf put me on a spot of staying at home bored or getting ready in a couple of minutes so we could have a night out where I would probably wish I was at home. The reason Ralf was in such a hurry was because he wanted to get there before 9:00 p.m. so I could get in for free but I didn’t want a repeat of what happened last time we headed off early to a nightclub, it still haunts me. Persistency varied from Ralf but I told him to come over and in the last couple of seconds before hanging up the phone I decided upon going to Carmen’s.

Ralf in Joggers

Getting myself dressed quickly I noticed that the tight pants weren’t so tight on me anymore but I think I have already talked about this phenomenon. Working on my Brylcreem in my hair I heard Ralf’s car out the front of my house and then him walking in. The urgency wasn’t so rushed now because the time was 8:30 p.m. and rushing on the Easter Weekend wasn’t something I had planned.

As Ralf walked to my room’s door I took a look at him still in his joggers and a ‘Fubu’ jacket on and here I was in full dress outfit. “Don’t worry about me, I’m ready,” he uttered on the phone before he left, what a joke. With this wasting of time accumulating I decided to take it slower with my hair as I didn’t want to head for Carmen’s anymore.

A Shadow Behind the Curtains

With grooming complete we made our way to Ralf’s car which was parked at the higher portion of the front of my house. As I was getting into the car I noticed that the light in Caprice’s bedroom was on. What’s more, catching my eye was the shadow on the see through sheer curtains to her room.

Stimulated with my find I realized that the figure of Caprice that was bent over was in the nude. You could see her body past the shadow made on the curtains and although she wasn’t perfectly clear I could make out a lot of skin. Alarming Ralf with what I could see I glazed her slender body with my lustful eyes, paying attention to how lean her stomach was despite her bending over. The ass and boobs were distinguishable in the shadow and beyond that I couldn’t pick much but she was a splendor to the naked eye.

Starting his car up he began to reverse slowly upon my command and before we could get within proper view of her window she turned off her light. Therefore, she must have woken up in her sleep to do something and then get back to sleep or like most people would tend to think, she was probably just picking up the pieces of an erratic sex night.

Looking for Company

With our little exhibition consummated we began our journey, to where we weren’t sure. Suggestions by me arose for the both of us to head to Penrith Panthers just to chill. This settled with Ralf fairly well but as that was our new destination I didn’t want it to be just the two of us.

“Why don’t we go see if Tatton wants to come out” I uttered and after some pessimistic chat he turned the car around. I didn’t think that Tatton would come out also but I tried my hand as we arrived. Bill as usual was drunk and sitting on a chair out the front, talking to some guy I think is related. As he stumbled with his words I tried best to listen but I ended up walking into his house as he had told me. Opening the door to Tatton’s room I considered it to be the usual, a pigsty.

Tatton was lying on his bed and mucking around with wave files on the computer, trying to work out what Cypress were saying. “Do you want to come out to Penrith Panthers tonight” I asked but I could see in his expression, his answer was no. Despite none of us having to pay to get in he still insisted on staying home. Gathering that he didn’t want to come out because Shawn was in Queensland for Easter I just let him be and jumped back in the car with Ralf.

Before we actually made our trek I had him drive to my house so I could try Keith and Simon. Keith was first and he was heading out to watch a movie with Tamsen so he was out.

Calling Simon’s house I spoke with Magnus but Simon wasn’t home and he was just coming back from Pizza Hut so that didn’t work either. When I jumped back in Ralf’s car and told him that Simon was heading home he remarked “I don’t want to fart ass around, he’s going to take ages”. It was around this time that I knew our hurrying was to no avail and my night was doomed whichever way I looked at it.

Ralf and His Endless Babbling

Hard was the venture to escape Ralf’s constant babbling, it was always present. The trip to Tatton’s house, the trip to my house, the journey to Penrith and back, I could not escape Ralf’s big lips opening wide. This was just a known sacrifice I had to endure for a better night than boredom and endure I did.

Hoping that he would leave the CD’s to play I don’t think I heard a song the whole way through before he decided to pause it and start babbling on about something. Conversation about his heading up to Queensland to live wasn’t brought up by him leading my belief that it’s fallen through. Even at Penrith Panthers where I felt unduly self-conscious and out of place, I had to listen to his babbling or put up with his antics.

Ralf would bring up the silliest predicaments in conversation and then when I would stir up his words he would get all flustered over nothing. There were times in our saunters that I got surprisingly frustrated with him because we were arguing about nothing, he didn’t know where his argument was headed. Ralf is just a great big bulk of doltish man-meat that has no consistency in agreement between the brain and the body. When the brain walks the mind also wanders off and when the body is still the mind is all the more morbid.

Penrith Panthers Car Park

The rain was looking like coming down as we made our way into the parking lot of Penrith Panthers but it was subdued. The whole parking lot was saturated with parked cars but Ralf was lucky to have someone just leaving. Dawdling for a couple of minutes as he changed his shoes and put his jacket in the boot (What the heck is the use of that, who’s gonna steal a flimsy jacket) we headed off for the club.

Once in there we noticed many good looking girls but they did not amass a great number within the mass. Signing ourselves in we headed forth and parked ourselves near the elevator to scope out the scene. On our way to Penrith Panthers I thought to myself “Why am I coming here to sit down when I know I’ll be more comfortable dancing”. Actually, considering I was as uncomfortable as shit on my shoe when at my last nightclub with Ralf I gather any place with only him to keep me company is bound to be a flop.

Pokies and Feeling Out of Place

The time must have been around 11:30 p.m. when we finally arrived and for our whole night there was confusion as to what we were doing and there were uncomfortable walks where I just wanted to leave but I had to stick it out. The first thing Ralf thought to do after continually telling me in the car that he wasn’t going to spend any money was to go against his word. Grabbing himself money from the available Eftpos machine he started playing his luck on the pokies.

While he went to get change I told him I was going for a little walk and that I would be back in a second. In that time while I was upstairs I stepped to the railing to look down upon everyone and even this wasn’t too comfortable for me.

Whatever I done in there made me feel uncomfortable and two reasons sit behind this. First, I was with Ralf only and I know that if there was a bigger group there I would not only have more fun but I would be able to loosen up. Secondly, it would have been better if I had gone with someone that fitted me better in dress, size, build and character. What have I got in common with someone with all those characteristics and contrasts his skin color with what I was wearing.

Standing at the railings for a couple of minutes I walked back around to look for Ralf but to my surprise I couldn’t find him. Pressure built upon pressure and I was ready to just head for the front door and sit outside but I made my way around a couple more times before I found him. You would think by his standing out appearance that he would have been easy to find but I found it my trouble for the night.

As I stood next to Ralf while he sat and played the pokies I knew he wasn’t going to win anything. Standing around made me feel more uncomfortable than what I looked and the whole time standing I concentrated on looking composed. Looking around every minute I was conscious of people looking at me and although there was one or two women glancing I found that through the night I was relatively unnoticed by the opposite sex.

I knew that my hair was pretty shit because I had no time to prepare it and my clothes were also getting older and less tight. There were heaps of girls around but they all seemed to be paying attention to their little groups or their boyfriends apart from me. That made me feel more self-conscious throughout the night and I knew that I would have been much more comfortable at home or at least sitting down.