Weighing the Air Before a Motel Night (Part 1) – Mad Chaos: March 29, 1999

Vassal to My Own Words

It has been a fair morrow since my words have embellished these illiterate pages of my grace as grace has no vitality in the withering pages of esteemed Autumn. Like a world conquered, my world of poetry, grace and respectful tokens of my extant emotions are being worn down. These ragged walls to the keep of my heart do not keep such a passion anymore as this will to write has to the swords of captivity, enslaved me. I have been conquered by these words or at least it seems and one which does make me a vassal.

To escape such a decree I do not know how or wish it upon me but if a vassal I be to my life and my love of words, then a vassal I must. These words do come thick as blood save blood is hued with a contrasting effect to her color. And I do contrast this Autumn like volatile blood that is a loving red to one eye and prothane to the discerning eye which carries unsound belief.

These three nights that have past me without a hint of such vassalage have released me so slightly from my chains. Although I would not wish it upon the world, I had my hues to cease and now on common ground I have found them again. Tonight I fathom deepest thoughts of past chronology and I do it in my rightly fashion. What such a distance on time has been placed that this temperament of mine has been recognized in this Diary.

That to bring fondness of literature back into my hopeful arms I shall write from midnight where the darkness is dimmed of its ill repute to the hours in which birds do chirp upon the harmonious sky. Like a Sonnet, these pages shall please thee more than the name of itself. That a name does create the thought and controversy which speaks for the all in which I write but, within a name, I can please all the more. Thus, let this trickery be stricken named of Autumn’s withering and let this name herald the hopelessness of such.

That this heading shall with small words confuse big men, shall a bigger meaning confuse the smallest of mind’s musing in the passage to come.

Weighing Air and Ants

Before I begin on chronology let me just dash into a philosophical thought about the world’s ether, air. To this thought, I do not know if there is any previous basis but I believe that air is a substance like all other gases that has a density and thus, heaviness. It is with the thought of ‘What goes up must come down’ that I presumed air and all other gases that make up the ether of our earth have a weight.

On top of that, I realized that one that is closer to the weight of air does travel at a slower decent to the ground as something over a certain density. There are exceptions to my thought but an example would be to measure the rate at which an ant would fall compared to a rock. If one was to throw them at the same time the rock would keep picking up speed with time where the ant would either pick up at a slower speed or travel at a steady pace until it reaches ground.

An exception to this mass rule would be things defy the laws of gravity by means of aerodynamics such as gliders, parachutes, airplanes and so forth.

Gravity Like a Shirt

Just like aerodynamics, gravity also has its effect upon the appearance of the weight in a gas or a dense object. To cast a simile, gravity is like a shirt that is tugged by many hands at many times. Where the hands are like planets that pull on the material and the matter within that material either loses its anatomical weight or the weight of the object remains the same but is different to each different length of gravitational pull.

The true weight of any object could be blurred as a result of gravity and thus, a true predicament of its density of weight can never be estimated. It is also safe to say that with each hand pulling at different areas of such a material, the density of that gravity could be different in different areas of the material. Just say there were four planets, each of them collecting a corner of an equal-sided square. Now imagine the material in the square being the ether of space and each planet’s gravity pulling equally upon it.

In the middle of this square the material would be most sheer and the gravity at the planets would be at maximum. The middle of this square would also hold the zero point of gravitational pull and thus, it would be a basis for measurement of weight.

Furthering to my philosophy, air cannot be weightless just because solid objects can fall through it, all this says is that these solid objects weight more than air. Knowing that substances like hot air, smoke, hydrogen, helium and carbon dioxide weigh the same or less than air, we must understand that there is a principal of weight amongst these gases. Even the ether in outer space has a weight attached to it although mankind has found no way to see it or weigh it. The fabric of time and space I believe are held together by each other and all the material within it.

Therefore, in the ending of this philosophy I say that in the entirety of the universe, all matter has a weight and substance. There is more to be said but I do not have the patience, the head or the will to speak it right now, let us now to chronology then…

Big Words and Procrastination

The happenings of Thursday night I have explained fairly well but I will just add a point or two in finishing that topic off. For one, Shawn and Ralf were two people to call me for the night before Simon decided to come over with Irish. In my conversation with Ralf we chatted for about half an hour and I’m not sure of what we talked mostly about but I do remember one point.

Having fun with big words and placing them into conversation for Ralf to discern I came up with the word procrastination in which I didn’t fully know what it meant so I looked it up in my Encyclopedia Dictionary. This usually happens to me, I can just make up a word in my head that I will subconsciously know and then when I look it up it will mean something. This I usually do when seeking an adjective for my poetry, I make up words out of the blue and they turn out to be the most viable choice.

When we found out the meaning of the word I mentioned that Simon was the King of Procrastination which in layman’s terms means he is a master of hesitation and delay. By this I mean his will not to pay people, to put it off and to have so much build up against him and for him not to have much care about it.

Trouble at Pizza Hut

Another point of Thursday that came in my conversation when Simon and Irish came over was that Mikaere went to bash Daffa when he was in his car at Ingleburn Pizza Hut. The attack was unprovoked but from what I heard, Mikaere didn’t’ go ahead with anything after pulling Daffa out of his car because Wolfe and his friends were there.

Friday Night in Brief

Now to speak of Friday night and something I have been putting off for these past few nights because I can’t be bothered writing such ill speech. If you read upon the last few times that Lyssa and I have been together for a night of passion and you read into my emotions and reflection on the night you will notice that Friday night will be no different. In short, Lyssa got her end of passion’s bargain where I gave her my all but as usual in Lyssa’s temperament her sincerity held her back from pleasing me.

I gave Lyssa her satisfaction but Lyssa did not lift a finger for me and what I feared had come true. Our night of passion was now a night that never should have taken place and for the rest of the night, Lyssa and I argued, we threw abuse and then we went to sleep. For the whole night I was not satisfied and I was angered for the lack of affection that came my way.

Yet, this only speaks such a small amount of the broadness in anger and other volatile emotions that I felt, quick to evaporate into my emotional remembrance and stain it so. This emotional baggage that I have been given to carry for the rest of my life as a burden, it comes as another chip into my confidence and it takes the best of me.

Planning the Motel with Lyssa

Having the alarm set for 10:30 a.m. on Friday I had myself a couple hours of sleep and then woke up to hand in my form. Having already filled it out I had a shower, something to eat and then asked dad if he could give me a lift to the link. That he done without any hassles and as he started the car I got myself ready. Stopping at the link only for as long as it took me to hand in my form.

Heading back home at midday I had myself nothing to do but feeling tired I decided to have a bit more sleep. The contents of this early day are bleak in my mind but to the best of my remembrance I did speak to Lyssa on the phone at work. The original plan was to have Lyssa ring me once she was home from work but just before she finished at 4:30 p.m. I called her hoping she was still there.

The plan I brought forward was for me to leave for Campbelltown when she left work and to meet her at the station so she could hand me the money. From there Lyssa would head home and get ready while I headed to the motel and paid. Once there I would ring her and then wait for her to arrive with anticipation. That is the plan I put forward to Lyssa and as she thought it was a good idea we agreed and then I was ready to head off as it was time for Lyssa to come home.

Two Lifts to the Station

Asking dad for another lift to the station he had just come home from taking mum to a kitchen store and he was somewhat relenting in a tiny expression but I won him over. Two trips was rather commanding for one day but dad is a good man and he gave me a lift to the station without a complaint or worry. With my cargo pants and my black going out shirt on I walked towards the platform and on the way I noticed two or three hot girls in great clothing that eyed me over.

My hair was also out which might have been another attraction to the eye but considering I was fairly out of place for what I was wearing and where I was wearing it I thought a stare or two from passing chicks was eminent. However, the choice to stop and talk to them was not on my mind as I had other plans and on top of that, my confidence still is at a low when it comes to chatting with women and considering what happened with Lyssa on Friday night and then the freak occurrence on Sunday, who could blame me.

Devon Crashes the Meeting

Reaching Leumeah Station just before Lyssa told me she would be there I looked over the train line when the train had left and noticed Lyssa sitting and waiting for me. With that eye contact I made my way over to greet her and in my stroll she made her way down the platform stairs to wait for me near the road. Once in view of her I noticed that she was standing with Devon and almost slapping my head with a sigh I made my way over to the both of them.

Lyssa was eyeing me as he was talking to her with his back turned to me and it wasn’t until I was upon them that he noticed Lyssa looking over and smiling. The smile was shared as we both thought Devon was a burden to our plans. Hoping that Devon wouldn’t take much notice of the plastic bag that held my night’s possessions in my hand I shook his hand and then joined the chat.

Devon immediately asked “Are the both of you doing something tonight” and I didn’t know how to respond as I wasn’t too sure how long he had been with Lyssa for. Lyssa didn’t say anything in response except for a murmur or two and even though I said “We might be going to dinner” under my breath I hoped he didn’t hear it. Excusing myself from the conversation as I thought it would be best I just told the both of them that I was heading to the platform for a second and I never came back.

When Devon had left Lyssa came up and stood next to me and in that time she handed me the $50 for the room. “Do you think Devon suspects anything” I asked Lyssa and as we discussed further upon that we gathered that he had his suspicions by the way we were acting and not coinciding with each other.

Kiley Ignores Me

Having ten minutes to wait for Lyssa’s bus I decided it would be best to sit on the bench where the phone is at Leumeah station and just before the steps lead out to the road. While here we chatted about the night to come and how Lyssa was upset at the load of work she had received for the day. The spot where we actually sat was a burden to our secrecy and it would have been better to wait with Lyssa at the bus stop because Kiley made her way off a train.

Having easily spotted the both of us she started chatting to Lyssa and I was informed of her bid to grow her hair long as it is now past her shoulders. What I found a bit rude was that Kiley didn’t really pay attention to me with eye contact or gesture, rather she was focused on Lyssa. I’m not sure if what goes through her mind but if I stopped to talk to Lyssa and Kiley was with her I would ask her simple questions and not have such a one sided conversation with Lyssa.

Simple courtesy or just recognition that I was there would have been fine but it wasn’t given. “What are you doing now” Kiley asked Lyssa near the end of their short conversation and deciding to break our stories up I told her that I was headed for the train and Lyssa was headed home. This way Kiley thought we had only just seen each other and as Lyssa got a lift from Kiley I said goodbye and made my way to the motel.