Entombing a Cockroach in the Wall (Part 1) – Mad Chaos: March 11, 1999

Cockroaches in the Bathroom

The early morning is arising within hours and I am here once again, later than my Prima Donna stage of literature, the time before midnight and the start of the sunset. The little villains of the bathroom downstairs no longer crawl and scramble upon the shower floor but they do wither within the walls that make it such. The cockroaches that dwell in my bathroom, I have thwarted one of the smaller one’s from running around. Finding that there is a crack in the wall right at the bottom crease, they enter in and out of here and live in the walls.

So, at one stage where I was taking a leak in the bathroom I plugged it up with some toilet paper, with a cockroach still in there. It has not tried to get out yet and I wonder if it will grow old and die within. The battle has been won but the war is far from ended and I feel, this toilsome drudgery of ridding such invertebrate vermin will never find liberation’s light switch in such darkness.

Loafing in the Backyard

With my eyes beginning to fray and rub thin in night’s toil, I may recite what only I need to do, the latest chronology. Last night I got to sleep at 7:00 a.m. in the morning and as I always need my eight hours of sleep, I kept getting back to light sleep until waking up at 3:00 p.m. Somewhat late in the afternoon but not being too fettered by it, I had myself something to eat and then enjoyed the rest of the sunny day.

Making my way to the backyard with the sun being exuberant I lay a blanket onto the grassy area in the backyard and in the middle did I sit. Unbeknownst was I to the ants that did crawl onto my orange and old blanket, they were too busy scurrying around for what they do. Luxuriant, taking pleasure in my surroundings, I did loaf there in my imaginary seclusion.

Thoughts of a laptop computer sprouted in my head, thoughts that this would be my next ambitious move, my next step to further occupy my mind, and that I will.

My Computer, My Window

Heading back into my house after half an hour of soaking in the sun I prepared myself for the Gym and just played around on my computer. This computer that I own, it acts like my business and whenever most I am awake, it is also awake. There aren’t much times when I am awake, in my room and the computer won’t be turned on, it’s like a window to my mind. Speaking of a window to my mind, I have an aphorism to write and I care not to explain it but I dread that I will.

Writing in this Diary at times of day becomes wearisome and I am only inspired of a night time, it is the best time where I will take upon me the least amount of stress. Yet, writing at night still leaves me clouded and unfulfilled and trying to fill that void with watching television or listening to music doesn’t clear my mind for my Diary very effectively. Like medicine, there is only one real cure to give me a clear mind and this is usually what is blocking my mind.

‘To live in the heart and die in the lap’ would explain my clearing of the mind if Lyssa would have been here but I would tend to use shall clear mind achieve with hand in lap’s heave. If you can’t comprehend what my treatment to clear my mind is, you just miss out…

Missing the Tiger Without Creatine

Getting back onto my Wednesday, time kept creeping up and as it was time to head to the Gym at 5:30 p.m. I chucked on some clothes, grabbed a towel, splashed on some cologne and headed down there. There weren’t much people that I confronted for my day but I did see the usual group down there. My day at the Gym was rather modest in keeping to myself and the job at hand, building my body.

The workout was above fair and I felt in a slight positive state. However, since my ceasing Creatine I haven’t had that energy or appetite to go that extra rep or two. Quite on the contrary, my reps feel lethargic and empty at most times and no longer do I grunt or groan upon lifting weights as I used to. Pushing myself to extremities each time I go to the Gym I just don’t have the focus that I used to and I want that eye of the tiger back.

Nevertheless, the problems of the Gym are behind me now, what is in front of me is the will to write of it…

Chest Day Numbers

Chest: Beginning with a two minute warm-up on the bikes I done three sets of warming up and then asked Jaromir to spot me on Bench Press. Loading up the weight to 170 pounds I only brought out 5 reps because I felt the bar was lopsided and put it back down. Taking the weight down to 160 pounds I created another 6 reps but that’s all I done. Moving to Peck Deck Fly’s I had enough energy and drive to put the weight up to 180 pounds and then squeeze out 12 reps.

Migrating to Incline Dumbbell Press with 60 pounds I pushed out 10 reps. Machine Seated Bench Press was next and with 180 pounds I pushed out 8 reps and then dropped weight to 160 pounds for 4 more. Now making my way to Dips I pushed out 10 reps which became hard at the end. With my Chest and Triceps on fire now I moved to Decline Dumbbell Press and with 60 pounds I pushed out 7 reps.

Walking to the Dips I once more created 10 reps before I almost passed out. Cable Crossovers with 60 pounds was next where I created 12 very hard to reach reps. Lastly I performed Pullovers with 70 pounds where I managed 10 reps before conking out.

Biceps: Warming up with a set of Reverse Preacher Cable Curls for the forearms I started on Cable Preacher Curls with 60 pounds and pulled out 10 reps from my bag of strength. My Biceps were pounding by now as I moved to Alternate Dumbbell Curls with 40 pounds and pushed out 5 reps. Taking the weight down to 35 pounds I created another 5 reps. Concentration Curls was next and with 35 pounds I pushed out 12 reps per arm. Finally I finished off Biceps with Bicep Curls and with 70 pounds fixed I completed 8 reps.

Abdominals: Starting once again with 20 Low Ab Crunches I moved to the Machine Ab Crunches and done three straight sets of 30 reps with 60 pounds for each set.

Lyssa Calls During Dinner

Heading back home I had myself something to eat that was already prepared by mum, something which I almost forgot to ask her when leaving for the Gym. Near 7:30 p.m. I was called by Lyssa but because I was eating I asked her to call back in ten minutes. Lyssa sounded unhappy and disbelieving, she probably thought this was my way to avoid her. Avoidance, it’s really something I’m not trying to do but because I don’t feel the need to ring Lyssa everyday now, you could say that has some avoidance in it.

It’s been over a week now since Lyssa and I have seen each other and I’m not too worried about that. In our conversation Lyssa told me that I never say goodbye to her and even though I felt like reminding her that we weren’t going out anymore I didn’t. This weekend I don’t feel that I will be seeing Lyssa at all because I will be out on Friday with my friends and Lyssa will be out on Saturday for Nikita’s birthday.

This could be the start that we have both wanted but have both been too fearful to try, maybe nature will help us to separate.

Lyssa Drops the Car Idea

When Lyssa called back at 8:00 p.m. her first point of conversation was to tell me that she thought over the car situation. Advising me on the current situation, Lyssa decided that she won’t be getting a car anymore. Rather, she is going to start saving her money until her birthday and when that arrives she will be taking out a smaller loan to buy a car. This way it will be like a present to herself and I feel that her desire to look for a better buy in that time is a great step indeed.

Now Lyssa won’t be walking into a buyer’s trap and I would like to think the words that I spoke so vagrantly sunk into her mind as the right choice-words. Apart from Lyssa’s bid to keep the loan idea on ice she told me how she had to ring everyone for Nikita’s birthday, she was the one to plan everything. They are headed out on Saturday night to the City for a big pub crawl, heaps of girls. Lyssa didn’t ask to come over on the weekend and she didn’t hint that much towards it but asking what I was doing for the weekend, I knew this had some strategy behind it.

Informing Lyssa that I was now eager to get myself a laptop computer I noted that I would probably be heading to the City where there is a superstore one of these days soon.