Calling Lyssa Against My Better Judgement
Heading back over the Darling Harbor Bridge I noticed a couple of hot girls but two in particular who were sitting down, looking like honorable sluts and turning their attentions to me. This did honor me but my dishonorable confidence lacked and I was but to a breeze which whizzed right past them and only a faint whimpering of condolence wept from my gush.
The time was 11:00 a.m. when I got back into the City and in a crowded street I decided to call Lyssa’s work. Thinking that she would still be at home on her little vacation I didn’t expect her to be there which would have been a good thing but to my surprise, she was at work.
Shit was really starting to fling my way and my lowering myself to meet with Lyssa despite my wanting to make an example by not seeing her was curbed by stupid decisions. Meeting with Lyssa was something I shouldn’t have done and calling her was a mistake that could prove to be costly.
The way it should have happened was for Lyssa to call me one day out of the blue and ask me what my problem was. From there I would inform her that I hated how she ruined my night, ruined my confidence and how I will never be able to forgive her enough for her to come over my house and do it to me all over again. I have a soft spot for going back to Lyssa when she has wronged me and I keep doing it, with this she will never learn.
A Stranger Asleep in My Fig Tree
Having made the mistake of calling Lyssa I sought refuge in the old inspirational fig tree of my thought but I was disappointed once again when arriving. Worse matters came to worse when I noticed some geezer lying there with a little blanket under his bare legs. This pissed me off to know that someone had used my equilibrium of inspiration as an alternative to musing.
Making my way to the next tree across which was far from the inspirational woods of my prized fig tree I kept myself there in easeful sunlight close to two hours. This might have been where I accumulated a sunburn on my face or it could have been from sitting in another area of Hyde Park with Lyssa, who knows. With each minute that this guy slept in my tree my anger inflated, he just didn’t want to wake up.
For two hours I glanced at two girls at a bunch of seats, remembering a bird with a long beak that came up to Jewell and I to eat our food and I just sat there, relaxing for my afternoon. There were constant thoughts of poetry as soon as my anger fluctuated from the phone incident. However, there was no pen or paper available to me so all musing has now been lost.
With irony and mockery extending further from my fateful deliverance I jumped up after an hour and a half and made my way to another location. By now my legs had been rested but I was still fatigued around that area due to immensely walking for the day. My back was sweating profusely and that was one of the reasons that I was walking around with a mean and stern face, not changing the expression or character of my face on any given occasion. Rather, I continued to be grim for the rest of the day, even when I was with Lyssa.
Meeting Lyssa for Lunch
When all the relaxing and watching tourists take photos was complete I headed off to meet Lyssa at the front of her work at 1:00 p.m. Expectant for a couple of minutes she came down right on time and with a grim and subdued greeting. Through my mind I kept thinking “This was a mistake, why did I do this” because Lyssa was just acting like her normal self. Maybe it was to the surprise of my phone call but somehow I just didn’t think Lyssa was very sorry for making me frustrated sexually for so much months.
Despite this loathing sensation we made our way to get her lunch, I didn’t want any part in her money. With Lyssa walking in front of me all of the time we were jaunting I did feel like the tethered rodent, that Lyssa had the upper hand, the power. Buying her lunch from the HMV Centre we made our way up to Hound Dog so I could see if they had any knitted sweaters but I could see none around.
“Do you mind if I try something on” Lyssa mentioned and as I wanted to head to another store I relented to her request. Lyssa gave me her box of seafood to carry around and the smell was getting to everyone’s nose.
While Lyssa was heading for the dressing rooms she even tried to have me carry around the coke bottle and make me look like the fool but I didn’t want all of her brunt on my shoulders. In the time that Lyssa was trying something on I checked out the other shop and as Lyssa wasn’t finished I looked around some more.
Calamari in the Sun
Deciding that an indoor lunch would just be too stressful on myself I opted to head out into the park to have our lunch, she didn’t object. What I didn’t want was for Lyssa to make me once again look the fool in asking me to guard some seats while she bought her meal. This demeans me, I don’t like doing it, I feel as if she definitely has the upper hand and I didn’t want to partake.
Taking a seat near a fine girl that I thought was good looking we sat in the sun, part of the reason I got sunburned. As Lyssa at she urged me to have some food but I was arrogant in my ways and views. However, with time Lyssa did weaken my building hunger with words that she didn’t want to eat anymore so I helped out with the calamari rings.
While I was eating Lyssa decided to tell me that she headed up to Coogee Beach nightclubs for the past three weeks and she noted that it was the best nights she has ever had. This weekend she is going to Coogee once again and what I find dull is how Lyssa thinks she has to buy a new outfit.
This isn’t a wedding, she doesn’t have to wear an outfit once and then throw it away, she isn’t Dame Edna. Lyssa also thought to inform me that her weekend is packed full of excitement, great, music to my ears (Sarcasm)…
Choking on a Calamari Ring
Within Lyssa’s one hour break and nearing the end misfortune once again lured its head. Since that terrible disaster of almost choking on some bacon in a burger from the City one night I decided to chew more appropriately on my food. Especially in dire circumstances like calamari rings where they are rather tender. Yet, caution was unaided with one of the lesser calamari rings which after swallowing got caught in my throat.
Hung by a thin strand between both segments it hasn’t been the worst case I’ve been through but nonetheless, I was choking. Slapping at my Chest once or twice Lyssa looked at me and before she knew what was going on the food had gone down my throat. Lyssa was rather relaxed about the incident as she told me he stories of almost choking and after having some drink I was fine. Within minutes it was time for Lyssa to head back to work and finishing up the last of the calamari rings we jumped up.
“Do you mind walking me back to my work” Lyssa asked me and as we made our way to cross the busiest section of the road I was fine with that. Little did I realize that I had created a dead leg from sitting down so long and as I made my way to the road it had become limp and heavy to walk on. This made for more bad luck when trying to cross the road but the both of us made it safely across the road.
As my leg cleared up with its pins and needles we stopped to say goodbye to each other but to my tasteful agreement, we were rather spaced. Lyssa was probably looking for some affectionate goodbye but I done what she would normally do and saying, “Okay then, see ya” we both parted our ways. This I feel was the best way for the both of us to end our day together, as confused and alone as erstwhile to our ended calls.
Train Home Facing Backwards
Whither I went, I did with the thoughts of home stray. Waiting for my right train was a risqué wait on my behalf as the right moment for waiting women was sought. When I did hop on my train it was with two or three girls within the same carriage but I was disappointed when I had to sit in the seats facing the opposite way.
Despite this a lady around one or two years older than me that came from Campbelltown jumped on the train and sat in the last seat facing towards my view. She had a young smile to her innocent face and with cutoff shorts and blonde hair in a ponytail she did look like the rock climbing adventuring type. Fate did tempt to mock me when she pulled out a laptop from her carry bag and started writing some things down. For the laptop I did envy her wishing that it was mine but when she bent over on occasions I got to look down her flimsy black top with no bra, nice view.
Home and Back on the Job
Finally arriving at Campbelltown Station near 3:00 p.m. I called dad with the last of my money. Instantly, when mum answered the phone she told me that Philippa had called me twice so I knew there was some sort of chance that I would get another shot at working and saving my employed future.
Standing at the top of my stairs, completely fatigued, my hamstrings and ankles hurting, it did draw on and on. Dad took 20 minutes to arrive and pick me up and those 20 minutes did seem to drag on and frustrate me all the more.
When finally home I gave Philippa a call and explaining to her my dramatic context I offered to call the employer so I could apologize. Philippa thought that to be a noble idea and so I done as I had said and Philippa called me back in minutes informing me that I still had the job. Now I will be working a full day tomorrow, half a day on Friday and once again on Tuesday. After my conversations to get my back on the road to employment I had myself a shower, shaved and washed clean my pimples that were slowly beginning to form.
Borrowing Money From Lyssa
The second stage of humility has now already begun and is taking place as we speak. I now have the chance at this job again but I have depleted all my funds and I do not want to humiliate myself by asking my parents for more money.
Rather, I called Keith, Ralf, Shawn and I even tried Tatton who wasn’t home but none of them had money. Last on the list in which I didn’t want to ask was Lyssa but I knew she would have money for me as she wanted to go shopping for the day.
When I decided to call Lyssa at 6:30 p.m. Penelope was over her house but I ran the idea past her and she agreed quickly. Asking her to call me back she did so but the mood due to money was rather blank on her expressionism. Lyssa is fine with giving me the money but she was hesitant when she found that the earliest I could give it back was next Thursday when she wants it back by this weekend. Lyssa didn’t do me a favor by saying she would catch the same late train as she did this morning and she had an excuse but I know it’s because she doesn’t want to help me out.
On top of that, Lyssa secluded herself more by telling me that Penelope was going to be on the train but just when I thought my working career would be cut short due to lack of money she made a suggestion. “How about you come by my work to pick it up before you get to work” she uttered and it seemed to make sense. Minutes into our conversation unenthusiastic and distant Lyssa wasn’t speaking much. There is a truth now to Lyssa’s unconcern.
A Wedge Between Us
I feel that there has been a wedge jammed between Lyssa and I and it came to be when the both of us engaged in our last fight. It was the last straw for both of us that resulted in a separation of words as well as emotions.
Now I truly see a different Lyssa, an uncaring Lyssa who acts obscure to my life rather than wanting to be the framework in which I dwell. Lyssa now reserves her time and energy more to work, her friends and having a good time. She has the good life right now while I dwell in the pits of poverty, hoping with this one decency I will escalate to those heights and one day hold an esteem of myself, a confidence that is lacking and a will to be…
Diary Of A Mad Chaos is a daily diary written from March 1996 until today, of which individual books and book series have been created, namely “The Lost Years” an exploration of young, entwined love, the “Wubao In China (猎艳奇缘)” book series which provides an extensive comparative analysis of the cultural differences between Eastern and Western societies, and the book titled “Foreigner (华人)” an exploration of race relations in Australia.
